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The Huffington Post celebrated its first Pulitzer when "Will & Kate's Steamy Ibiza Trip (PHOTOS)" took the honors Dave Wood was awarded a P-squared for his poignant and beautifully crafted "Beyond the Battlefield" series about wounded vets. A penguin bit Newt Gingrich, probably because it didn't appreciate being lectured to about Manifest Destiny for 30 straight minutes. And Mitt Romney's campaign is already auctioning "preferred status at the first Presidential Inaugural retreat" -- which undoubtedly has something to do with Romney supporters avoiding the Green Line. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Monday, April 16th, 2012:

VOTE FOR MITT: BECAUSE NO ONE IS MORE LIKE MITT ROMNEY - ABC News: "If the producers of Saturday Night Live want Mitt Romney to appear on their show, he has but one request -- it had better be funny. In an exclusive interview with ABC's Diane Sawyer, Romney denied he had already been approached to appear on the show, but said he thought a gig on the sketch show sounded 'like a lot of fun.' Romney said he was still deciding whether to appear SNL, which almost weekly skewers the presumptive GOP nominee. 'I haven't made a decision on that, just heard about it,' he told 'World News' anchor Diane Sawyer in an exclusive interview today when asked about the show's invite. 'Of course it would depend on the nature of the skit. I want it to be funny.'... Romney said he honed his sense of humor around the dinner table with his five sons. 'Most of our dinner table events were involving humor of one kind or another, most of which can't be repeated on the air,' he said. [ABC News]

Jon Kyl, isn't happy (via Mike McAuliff) about the Buffett Rule vote in the Senate (failing as we file): "We're debating a show bill that has no chance of passing, wouldn't create a single American job. What happened to jobs, jobs, jobs? remember that three-letter word, jobs?"

WAR ON WOMEN UPDATE: WAR ON WOMEN STILL HAPPENING - In tomorrow's Roll Call from Steven T. Dennis: "Democrats and the White House are intensifying their push to expand the Violence Against Women Act this week, giving them a chance to flip the narrative on women's issues that went awry for the party last week. Despite strong poll numbers showing women voters favoring President Barack Obama over presumptive GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney by double digits, the White House found itself on defense after Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen said last week that would-be First Lady and stay-at-home mom Ann Romney has 'never worked a day in her life.' The looming fight over the Violence Against Women Act gives Democrats a chance to refocus on women's policy issues, where they believe they have an upper hand against that will last through election day. Vice President Joseph Biden, who wrote the original 1994 VAWA law, will headline an event pushing for the bill's reauthorization Wednesday at the White House. Attorney General Eric Holder, top White House advisor Valerie Jarrett and other top administration officials and supporters from around the country will also participate."

O HAI: HUFFPOST WINS PULITZER - The 7 Stages of Pulitzer Grief: 1. Denial. 2. Denial. 3. Denial. 4. Bitter "Congrats!" tweet. 5. Denial. 6. Denial. 7. Drink. (8.) Michael Calderone article: "Huffington Post senior military correspondent David Wood has spent decades covering war, watching as wounded combat troops are loaded onto medical evacuation helicopters and, he said, 'go off in a cloud of dust.' But after their sacrifice on the battlefield, Wood said, 'you never know what happened to them.' So for eight months this past year, Wood reported extensively on the lives of severely wounded veterans and their families in 'Beyond the Battlefield,' a 10-part series awarded Monday with the Pulitzer Prize in National Reporting. Wood's Pulitzer marks the first win for the seven-year-old Huffington Post and a milestone in the influential Pulitzer committee's recognition of online-only news organizations." [HuffPost]

Read David Wood's *Pulitzer*-winning "Beyond the Battlefield"

The scene in our newsroom, and the reason this newsletter is getting out late.

Matt Wuerker, a cartoonist formerly with Z Magazine (if you get what we mean), won a well-deserved Pulitzer for Politico. Here's a list of the winners, including a guy from The Stranger, which is awesome.

PARANOID SELF-LOATHING GOP LOBBYIST IS TIRED OF MEDIA NAVEL GAZING - HuffPost Hill's favorite Paranoid Self-Loathing GOP Lobbyist -- who can't look into a mirror without gazing into his own soul -- is tired of media self-promotion. "Very tired of self congratulatory breaking news alerts," PSLGOPL writes. "I'd rather get breaking news alerts telling me their journalists are leaving to join the Democratic party." Thanks, PSLGOPL! -- BTW, did you hear about David Wood's Pulitzer?

What has PSLGOPL justifiably paranoid today: Business reporter Eric Dash has left the New York Times to flack, quite naturally, for the Treasury Department.

DAILY DELANEY DOWNER - Missouri state Sen. Will Kraus (R-Lee's Summit) introduced a bill to broaden the definition of on-the-job misconduct in order to help employers fight bogus unemployment claims. In an interview with DDD, Kraus revealed he did not know the contents of his own bill, which says misconduct counts "regardless of whether the misconduct occurs at the workplace or during working hours." Asked if comments on social media outside of work would count as misconduct, Kraus said, "The bill pretty much says misconduct during work hours." Pressed on this, after reading his bill again he acknowledged that the bill says misconduct doesn't have to happen during work hours. But he wouldn't say how far it could go. "I'm not an attorney and I'm not gonna go down this this that that, because I'm not going to be able to justify what a lawyer would do. "

Don't be bashful: Send tips/stories/photos/events/fundraisers/job movement/juicy miscellanea to huffposthill@huffingtonpost.com. Follow us on Twitter - @HuffPostHill

THERE ARE PERP WALKS AND THERE ARE PERP WALKS... AND THEN THERE ARE OVERSIGHT HEARINGS CENTERED AROUND GSA OFFICIALS - WaPo: "The man at the center of the scandal embroiling the General Services Administration declined to testify Monday at the first of three scheduled congressional hearings on why agency officials authorized more than $800,000 in spending for a Las Vegas conference. Members of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee voiced outrage at the spending scandal that led to the ouster of top agency officials and the at least temporary removal of several top career staffers...As he berated witnesses seated before the committee, Rep. Mike Kelly (R-Pa.) perhaps summed it up best: 'Thank God that what happened in Vegas didn't stay in Vegas.'" [WaPo]

@jbendery: GETTING WEIRD IN HERE: Rep. Burton: "I hate bullies! Don't you?" Former GSA head Johnson: "I hate bullying too." ... Rep. Eleanor Holmes Norton on GSA folks joking about her oversight of GSA: "Even members of the Oversight Committee can take a joke."

ROMNEY NAMES PERSON TO SWAT DOWN MARCO RUBIO RUMORS - "Mitt Romney has tapped a longtime adviser to begin his search for a vice presidential candidate. Romney said Monday that campaign adviser Beth Myers is in charge of 'selection and vetting and analysis.' Myers was Romney's chief of staff when he was governor of Massachusetts and she's a senior adviser on his presidential campaign. Romney is moving forward as the presumptive Republican presidential nominee after rival Rick Santorum suspended his campaign last week." [AP]

The Romney campaign is already selling access to his, um, inauguration. Don't expect "purple tunnels of doom" this time (more like "white tunnels of fanny packs"). BuzzFeed: "Former Governor Mitt Romney is already offering top donors access to a special "Presidential Inaugural retreat," planned on the assumption that he will be elected president this November. The offer, in a fundraising email circulated by a top Georgia supporter to fellow Republicans and obtained by BuzzFeed, is one of several goodies offered to those who contribute more than $50,000 to the joint fundraising committee known as 'Romney Victory,' a program whose outlines were first reported by POLITICO. Those donors will be named 'Founding Members' of Romney Victory and invited to a California retreat with Romney and offered 'yet to be determined access at the Republican National Convention in Tampa in August.' They will also have preferred status at the first Presidential Inaugural retreat,'" the email says." [BuzzFeed]

SURE, WHY NOT: REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE TRYING TO WOO HISPANIC VOTERS - Elise Foley: "The Republican National Committee is sending Latino outreach directors to swing states with large Hispanic populations as part of a larger effort to win more of the vote, officials announced on Monday. 'We are going to engage Hispanics and Latinos like we've never done before,' RNC Chairman Reince Priebus said on a call with reporters. The state directors will be in place by the end of the month in Nevada, North Carolina, Colorado, Florida, Virginia and New Mexico, the RNC announced. Priebus declined to comment on how much money would be devoted to the effort." [HuffPost]

DAVID AXELROD SPLASHES SOME L'EAU DE PARANOIA ON MITT ROMNEY'S FACE - Jon Ward: "Top Obama campaign adviser David Axelrod told Politico's Mike Allen's on Monday morning that the Obama campaign will go after what Axelrod dubbed Mitt Romney's 'penchant for secrecy.' Axelrod attacked Romney for refusing to release the names of his big money bundlers, offering only a few years' worth of tax returns rather than a decade's worth, and his Massachusetts gubernatorial staffers' taking computer hard drives with them after his single term ended in 2007. Axelrod attacked Romney for refusing to release the names of his big money bundlers, offering only a few years' worth of tax returns rather than a decade's worth, and his Massachusetts gubernatorial staffers' taking computer hard drives with them after his single term ended in 2007." [HuffPost]

Barney Frank: Adorable, shrewd: "Retiring Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.), who is set to become the first member of Congress in a same-sex marriage, said it was important for him to get married while still in office, according to an interview published in New York magazine Sunday. 'There's an unintended benefit. I want to get married. I do think, to be honest, if I was running for reelection, I might have tried to put the marriage off until after the election, because it just becomes a complication,' he said. 'But I did want to get married while I was still in office. I think it's important that my colleagues interact with a married gay man.'" [HuffPost]

JUDD GREGG: STAY-AT-HOME MOMS AREN'T 'PRODUCTIVE' - Gregg, flogging Bowles-Simpson: "Two major events will occur at the beginning of 2013 with consequences that may force Congress to act. First is the sequester imposed by the budget deal that led to raising the debt ceiling last year which will force a cut of approximately $500 billion to $600 billion over the next 10 years in defense spending on top of the already significant cuts put in place from last summer. This is coupled with a significant further sequester on non-defense discretionary spending. Almost everyone realizes that with soldiers in the field, the defense cuts forced by the sequester would be dangerous and inappropriate. Second, the Bush tax rates are scheduled to expire, which would cause a tax increase affecting all Americans who are productive to the tune of between $1.5 trillion and $2 trillion." Yes, we ripped that line out of context, but still. [The Hill]

@AdamGreen: Will @MittRomney apologize for Judd Gregg saying full-time moms don't count among "all Americans who are productive." http://bit.ly/Joztk7

CLYBURN POINTS OUT OBVIOUS MITT ROMNEY/IMELDA MARCOS SIMILARITIES - James Clyburn doesn't just have the best accent in Congress (sorry, Ed Markey), he also has a knack for the quote. The Hill: "Rep. James Clyburn (D-S.C.) on Monday ripped Mitt Romney for benefiting from the same tax loopholes as foreign despots. 'I think there's something to be said about people who park their money offshore and we don't know exactly what is in those accounts,' Clyburn said Monday on MSNBC. 'You know, you look at despots from foreign countries putting their money in Swiss bank accounts -- we have always frowned upon that.'" [The Hill]

ROMNEY: FOX NEWS HAS BEEN GOOD TO ME - Leave it to a Republican presidential candidate to talk about Fox News as if it were a caring and empathetic bartender. "During a private campaign event on Sunday in Palm Beach, Fla., GOP candidate Mitt Romney had some rather favorable words to say about Fox News. Speaking of the media coverage his campaign has received, Romney singled out CNN host Wolf Blitzer as being a good interviewer and said, according to the Wall Street Journal, that Fox News has been good to him. He called Fox News viewers 'true believers,' but said that he needed to broaden his reach to independent and female voters. According to NBC News, Romney also said, 'We are behind when it comes to commentators on TV. They tend to be liberal. Where we are ahead or even is on Twitter and on the Internet.'" [HuffPost]

College newspaper/Newt Gingrich update: "As a reporter, I'm rarely at a loss for words when it comes to interviewing almost anyone. By now, I've heard and seen a lot. But there I was Saturday, standing alone with my recorder in a quiet stupor, as my subject, Newt Gingrich, rushed away...His aide gave no preconditions; no topics were off limits. That's why I was so surprised when, before I had finished asking my first question, that same aide cut the interview short and prompted Secret Service to grab and briefly detain me as the former speaker was led away." [Daily Tar Heel, via NY Mag]

Annnnnnd Newt was bit by a penguin.

@jbendery: Allen West a no-show at press conf; tourists now taking over. Husband playing "lawmaker," wife playing "reporter." http://pic.twitter.com/t0rcbpqs ... @jbendery: Reporter to Allen West's press sec: Is West coming to 2:30 press conf? Press sec to reporter: "What presser?" #fail

HERMAN CAIN IN DC FOR TAX PROTEST AND CATCHY, NUMERAL-BASED ALLITERATIONS - There are only two certainties in life: death and Nine-Nine-Nine. AJC: "ARLINGTON, Va. - Herman Cain's post-presidential campaign effort to promote his 9-9-9 tax code hits the nation's capital today with a Tax Day Eve rally on Capitol Hill. The day began, though, just over the Potomac River with a series of 'leadership briefings' for about 100 people whom Cain described as his 'Army of Davids' fighting the Washington Goliath." [AJC]

@jennyrogersDC: Amazing news: Herman Cain plans to release another smoking ad bit.ly/Ih2rEN

Hillary Clinton: Lawyer. Politician. Diplomat. Dancer... Dreamer? "Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was photographed mid-dance move over the weekend, having a good time at the same club in Cartegena, Colombia at which she was earlier seen drinking a beer.' [HuffPost]

CENTURIES OF OPPRESSION AND BIGOTRY TO THANK FOR THE LATE TAX DAY - Friendly reminder, via the Voice (enjoy that extra day of surfing YouTube instead of you know what!): "April 15 fell on a Sunday this year, so you can thank a Christian for the first extra day, as politicians are so terrified of offending them, they've never liked to do government business on Sundays. But if you want to know who to thank for Tax Day being tomorrow and not today, April 16, consider thanking Abraham Lincoln...It was on April 16, 1862 when President Lincoln signed the Compensated Emancipation Act. The act predated the Emancipation Proclamation by many months and predated Juneteenth, the day when Texas finally was forced to acknowledge to the end of slavery, by three years." [Village Voice]

BECAUSE YOU'VE READ THIS FAR - Cat has hostile relationship with alarm clock.

It's Leaving On A Jet Plane And Flying Over The Nation's Capital - HuffPost DC: "Tuesday morning, the Space Shuttle Discovery will fly over D.C. on its way to the Smithsonian's Udvar-Hazy Center. Here are some photos from Discovery's very interesting history." [HuffPost]

COMFORT FOOD

- Bad Lip Reading: Joe Biden. [http://bit.ly/IS3gp9]

- Homemade harpsichords are impressive pieces of amateur craftsmanship, relaxing. [http://gizmo.do/J14T58]

- Don Draper's I'm-trying-my-best-to-not-be-a-bachelor bachelor pad. [http://bit.ly/JrQaes]

- HuffPost Travel editor Kate Auletta's five favorite Twitter feeds. [http://bit.ly/HLEOqT]

- Julia Louis-Dreyfus photobombed the wife of the most powerful person in the world. Sick. [http://huff.to/IQbzUD]

TWITTERAMA

@dave_jamieson: Still puzzled by all the excitement over Hillary Clinton seen drinking a beer. It's not like she was using a funnel.

@indecision: Doesn't John Bolton look like a mustache decided to grow a man?

@daveweigel: Another year, another Pulitzer snub of WorldNetDaily. #bias

ON TAP
By @christinawilkie

TONIGHT

5:30pm - 7:30pm: Taco Bell's annual congressional reception is literally just a lot of Taco Bell served in the Rayburn Dining Room. If this is your idea of a great party, I'm not sure you're the person Taco Bell is hoping to woo. [Rayburn Cafeteria]

TOMORROW

10:00am - 3:30pm: It's golf day! Come try a little putt-putt with fancy new clubs while pretending you're interested in lawncare legislation, or whatever it is golfers lobby for. The start serving beers at 4ish. [Rayburn Foyer]

10:30am: If you wanna sneak out of your office to see a bunch of celebs (and who doesn't?), Alec Baldwin, Tiffani Amber Thiessen, and Hill Harper will be in Cannon 345 for a presser about arts funding.

12:30pm: In an unfortunate stroke of timing, Melania Trump hosts a birthday fundraiser for Ann Romney that's entirely packed with 5th Avenue millionaires' wives. We bet they'll talk about hard work! Memorable co-host names: Icy Frantz, Muffy Miller, Ginny Knott. [725 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY]

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