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'The Five-Year Engagement' Reviews, The Wanted EP, 'Smash' And More: The Week In Ouch

The Huffington Post  |  By Posted: 04/28/2012 9:04 am Updated: 04/28/2012 9:04 am

Fiveyear Engagement Reviews
From 'The Five-Year Engagement' to 'Smash,' the week's most brutal reviews are in.

Sorry Jason Segel, but all of your charm -- and you do have a lot of it -- couldn't save you from the critics this week. Segel's latest rom-com "The Five-Year Engagement" has been receiving mixed reviews, but which writer was outright angry by the time the two-and-a-half-hour movie was over? Maybe Segel should have kept that full-frontal scene, after all.

Over in TV land, musical dramas are not faring too well in the critics' eyes. HitFix thought that "Glee" totally missed the mark with its Whitney Houston tribute. Meanwhile, HuffPost's own Chris Rosen can think of a thousand and one things that he'd rather be doing than watch "Smash." So. Many. Eyerolls.

HuffPost Entertainment has rounded up the week's snarkiest reviews just for your enjoyment in this latest installment of our "Week In Ouch" series.

Let us know what you think deserved the harsh critiques, and which ones you think critics should ease up on, in the comments.

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  • 'The Five-Year Engagement' Feels Like It's A Five-Hour Film

    Tom and Violet may have had a five-year engagement, but for <a href="http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304811304577366122175012712.html" target="_hplink"><em>The Wall Street Journal</em></a>, it felt like a five-hour engagement just watching the Apatow film. <blockquote>Tom is a San Francisco sous chef who can't assert himself. Violet goes off to Michigan to pursue a job in academic psychology. He pursues her, keeps trying to please her and finally finds his anger. I found mine long before he did. Whatever tied these two excellent performers to such a dim script?</blockquote>

  • The Los Angeles Times Isn't Glad The Wanted Came

    When it comes to choosing sides in this current boy band battle, The Los Angeles Times would rather listen stay <em>up all night</em> with One Direction than <a href="http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/music_blog/2012/04/album-review-the-wanteds-the-wanted.html" target="_hplink">listen to The Wanted's new EP.</a> <blockquote>"Though saucier and sleeker than its peers, the Wanted isn't nearly as fun ... But none of the guys has an especially charismatic -- or even distinguishable -- voice, and the song's production is drag-and-drop generic. 'Chasing the Sun' makes the numbing thump of Tiesto sound incomparably nuanced." </blockquote>

  • Jenna Fischer Is 'Led To The Gallows' In New Film

    Maybe Jenna Fischer should keep her day job at Dunder Mifflin? The A.V. Club sure thinks so, especially after its critic saw her performance in the <a href="http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-giant-mechanical-man,73015/" target="_hplink">joyless rom com "The Giant Mechanical Man."</a> <blockquote>Jenna Fischer trudges joylessly through the independent quirk-fest "The Giant Mechanical Man" with all the pep of a condemned man being led to the gallows.</blockquote>

  • Houston, HitFix Has More 'Glee' Problems

    After last week's strong "Saturday Night Glee-ver" episode, HitFix was not impressed with "Glee's" <a href="http://www.hitfix.com/blogs/monkeys-as-critics/posts/recap-glee-dance-with-somebody" target="_hplink">seemingly pointless Whitney Houston tribute</a>. <blockquote>We're three seasons into the show and "Glee" still refuses to have actual rules about what governs musical performances, so it's unclear. Sometimes it's realistic, sometimes it's not, and sometimes a host of rubber-suited women straight out of "American Horror Story" backing Blaine up as he scream sings inside his own music video.</blockquote>

  • 'Safe' Plays It A Little Too ... Safe

    Jason Statham may be one of Hollywood's leading antiheros, but even he couldn't save "Safe," which <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/movie-review-safe-article-1.1068011" target="_hplink">according to <em>The New York Daily News</em></a>, lived up to its name. <blockquote>"Safe," however, locks that all up in turf-war histrionics and mobster-movie speeches that drop every safe-sized cliche on the viewer's head. </blockquote>

  • The A.V. Club Gives The Dandy Warhols A 'D'

    Tell us how you really feel, A.V. Club. It looks like someone won't be seeing The Dandy Warhols this summer. According to this website, their <a href="http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-dandy-warhols-this-machine,72905/" target="_hplink">new album <em>This Machine</em> is an "undistinguished slog."</a> <blockquote>No one does a better job of making The Dandy Warhols unlikable than The Dandy Warhols ... None of that reluctant charm is on display in <em>This Machine</em>, an undistinguished slog of an album that counts an atrocious cover of '16 Tons' as one of its many grating moments.</blockquote>

  • 'A Thousand and One' Reasons To Hate 'Smash'

    Judging from this week's eyeroll count, HuffPost Chris Rosen could probably think of a thousand and one things he'd rather be doing <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christopher-rosen/smash-recap_b_1447734.html" target="_hplink">than watch "Smash."</a> Some notable eyeroll moments include: <blockquote>9. "You're not an understudy ... you're a star." 12. "Boyfriends can be a problem on the way up." 27. "I love Bollywood." 33. The entire performance of "One Thousand and One Nights."</blockquote>

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