How To Divorce: How Can I Win In Divorce Court?

Wondering how you can win your divorce case? Here's what you need to know, from divorce lawyer J. Richard Kulerski, the author of "The Secret to a Friendly Divorce: Your Personal Guide to a Cooperative, Out-of-Court Settlement." Have questions? Ask in the comments.

There are no winners in a divorce battle; everyone loses. Make no mistake about it. Here’s why:

1. Our legal system cannot give you more than you have when you enter it.
2. No matter what you have when you enter the system, you will leave with less.
3. And this is before the lawyers get a dime.

These are absolute truths. You do not want to go to a divorce trial, unless there is no alternative, i.e. when it is a last resort.

Those who must take their cases to court want or need something that their soon-to-be ex will not agree to give them. Since they are unable to persuade their partner to agree to a mutually acceptable compromise, they have no alternative but to ask that a judge determine who will give or get what.

In order to obtain a result that is better than what your spouse has offered, you must be able to prove a set of facts that warrant a finding in your favor, and you must have the law on your side. You must also resist the temptation to say or do something to shoot yourself in the foot, e.g. act in a way that could make the judge think less of you. This last part is where you have some control over the outcome.

Remember that once the trial starts, the only person you must convince is the judge. Let your lawyer worry about the evidence, the law, and the overall delivery of your case. Your job in the courtroom is to do what you can to present yourself as a reasonable, good, and credible person.

With this in mind, do not grimace, roll your eyes, or use body language to suggest that whoever is testifying on your spouse’s behalf is lying. Do not make faces if you hear something you do not agree with, and do not pass notes to your lawyer when he or she is addressing the court or questioning a witness.

Make things easier on yourself by accepting that your sense of justice or fairness will not dictate the outcome. It is the law that counts, not your personal beliefs.

Accept the law that applies in your case as it is, and not as you wish it to be.

Have faith in your lawyer and take his or her advice, whether you agree with it or not.

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Comments

[ladyc123]

01:06 PM on 01/12/2013

My soon to be ex husband quit one of his jobs to avoid the agreed upon amount of support he was to give. He also lied and said he got laid off. Are his actions legal? Now I am struggling to put food on the table for my 3 sons and may have to rely on welfare until i get back on my feet again

[ladyc123]

01:02 PM on 01/12/2013

My soon to be ex husband worked two jobs throughout our marriage. We all worked together with lawyers to come to a compromise. Two weeks later he decides to quit one of his jobs and tell us he got laid off to avoid giving us the agreed upon support. Can he legally do that?

[Enough DS]

01:35 PM on 06/13/2012

Tips: just sell your apartment bought in marriage, lie about it not being marital property (even if it really is) then lie to a locksmith and break into your soon to be ex- husband's apartment saying you live there, get rid of all his stuff. Then claim in court that this apartment was always the marital home and you should stay there with the kids. Hell, he lives with his new girlfriend anyway! If that doesn't work, start false accusations. Unfortunately very true story...

http://bringflorentinekidshome.wordpress.com/

[715W]

09:32 AM on 05/03/2012

"There are no winners in a divorce battle; everyone loses. Make no mistake about it. Here’s why:

1. Our legal system cannot give you more than you have when you enter it.
2. No matter what you have when you enter the system, you will leave with less.
3. And this is before the lawyers get a dime.

These are absolute truths."

This is NOT true in a situation where one spouse has substantially more income or earning capability than the other spouse and/or had substantially more assets than the other spouse at the time of the marriage.

Divorce law (in its "majestic equality") will allow the spouse who brought less and who earns less to get more.

And if able to misappropriate custody/primary placement of the children by "winning" a staged custody battle, the spouse who brought less and earns less will be rewarded with substantial sums of "child support" money that she will be free to spend on herself (rather than on the children). A "successful" yet false claim of abuse that "wins" custody/placement of the children may yield her an extra thousand dollars a month of child support money.

The divorce lawyers will engage in purposeless machinations and will extend proceedings to run up legal fees because they see that the divorcing household has assets available to pay legal fees. The divorce lawyers will litigate not to achieve results for the spouses but to relieve the spouses of assets.

The spouse who brought less will not care

[Chris Sirhc]

09:11 PM on 05/01/2012

In "The truth about children and divorce", researcher and mediator Robert Emery writes about a divorced couple that had joint custody of their children and closely cooperated in parenting. However the wife had an opportunity for an out of town job. Emery posed the situation to a class and asked for suggestions.

"But an outstanding trial lawyer who was coteaching the class offered the most revealing alternative. She suggested that the class consider a different approach to Felicia and Melvin's problem. If she was representing Felicia, she might offer her this advice: quit her job or, even better, get laid off. Felicia hated her consulting position, and not working had other advantages. Felicia would be free to take care of her young children most of the time, and Melvin would have to pay her child support and maybe alimony, too. If Felicia stayed out of work and took care of the children for a year or so, she would be in an excellent position to sue for sole custody later. Once she had sole custody, Felicia could move anywhere she wanted -- with or without Melvin's consent.

[veryradiant]

09:58 PM on 05/01/2012

And how is this good for the children? How come divorced people tend to think about what is good for them and not what is good for the children?

[Salem1]

09:28 PM on 05/02/2012

Very on point. Unfortunately the above case study is very real for many, many fathers. Groups fought hard for move away legislation a few years ago in the family code in California to prevent mothers from moving away with their children for frivolous reasons. Many groups lobbied for this. The groups lobbying against included NOW and other feminist organizations, and, disappointingly, several mainstream women's groups.

Why are so many women so biased against fathers?

[Red Leaves]

05:48 PM on 05/01/2012

"How Can I Win In Divorce Court?"

Simple: Never get married.

As the supercomputer said in "War Games," the only way to win is not to play the game.

[Theanswer007]

07:31 PM on 04/30/2012

"How Can I Win In Divorce Court?"

I have a better I idea. Be the woman instead of the man.

Works EVERY time.

[royalty5000]

08:56 PM on 04/30/2012

Haha you beat me to it. IF you're a man and you want to win, I guess you'd have to convince everyone that your wife is a drug addict and a prostitute.

[Modern and Proud]

10:39 PM on 04/30/2012

And she needs to be caught in the act of dismembering your children and preparing to eat them.

[jojo2004]

09:21 PM on 05/15/2012

That doesn't even work. My friend proved his wife's adultery in a court in Georgia. He had subpoenaed her psychologist reports and all of the affair was in those reports. His ex fessed up after 10 years but by that time she was soo whacked out of her mind being on antidepressents, muscle relaxers, etc. to hide her guilt that the damage was already done. All was proven in the great state of Georgia. Aside from that, she lost the home and went through the bank accts, cc's, etc. She totally destroyed everything. No assets to be had. Well, the GEORGIA judge rewared her almost $2,000 a month lifetime. My friend said if he's going to be a slave, he'll be the judge's slave.But he's got to be caught first as he walked out of his life. Unjust alimony in America. These judges have to be stopped.

[gludwig396]

01:38 AM on 05/01/2012

HA - not in my case; my husband quit his job 2 weeks after I filed for divorce; then told the courts he got fired. Judge was totally on his side; bummer deal for me!! So NO, the man doesn't always lose :)

[Modern and Proud]

01:43 PM on 05/01/2012

HA - you are part of a very very tiny minority! The man most usually, just about every time will lose!

[AwesomeInfo]

03:33 PM on 05/01/2012

It is about who makes the money. They are ALWAYS the ones at the greatest risk. Women will most certainly fall into the same issues (33% now make more than their significant others), unless "discretion" is used based on who is involved. I hope you don't have to support him, but if so, I really hope your state has laws that require him to become self-supportive, and if you have children, I assume he got them because he was the one staying at home.

But the strange thing is, I think you said you filed for the divorce. If you made more, didn't your attorney warn you about the situation?

[Modern and Proud]

07:17 PM on 04/30/2012

1. Plunge your taloned hands into your ex-husband's chest.
2. Extract the still beating heart, being careful to sever all branches of the arterial tree.
3. Suckle at the aorta, extracting the precious life essence from the warm, pulsating organ.
4. Abduct the children far from their father.
5. Extort maximum cash from the male parent, ensuring poverty and lifelong indigence.
6. Proclaim victimhood due to "emotional abuse" or "verbal abuse", ensuring sympathy of media, other women in your social circle and estranged father's children.

[OtayPanky]

10:56 PM on 04/30/2012

Rinse and repeat.

[EinChicago]

06:47 PM on 04/30/2012

The best way to maximize divorce settlements is to minimize attorney and judicial involvement. The pie you have while married is the same pie that has to be split when divorced. A divorce decree doesn't magically create new assets or income. The more slices of the pie that are paid to attorneys, the few slices either spouse (and more importantly the children of both spouses) can receive.


If the pie has ten slices, the spouses are better off agreeing to 5 slices each rather than getting into bitter feuding where even if the greedy, grasping spouse wins, she still only get 4 slices because 5 went to the attorneys and her husband is only given 1.

[Marta Papa]

02:24 PM on 05/01/2012

I completely agree. I'm a divorce mediator- I help people get divorced without going to trial and save them time and money. If you can sit across the table from your spouse and are willing to talk it out together, with a mediator, you can come to an agreement and submit that settlement to the court. In mediation, the judge doesn't make decisions for you, you make them for yourselves! Neither spouse is under represented. The outcome is always as fair as possible, something both parties can live with. to find out more about mediation, visit my website: www.consideringdivorce.com or my blog: www.divorcewhisperer.info

[Deborah5555]

03:11 PM on 05/01/2012

Totally agree. have stacks of emails trying to get ex to be fair and reasonable, and please let's not continue to make the lawyers' children's college funds fat, while ours go to nothing. He refused. Just like in marriage, it takes two to make it work, but only one can blow it up. It takes two to cooperate and be fair, but only can blow it up...but those that blow it up, do so because they know how successful they are at manipulating and gaining sycophants and enablers. In addition, what if one of the spouses has been a victim of real abuse, has complex ptsd, and the abusive/sociopathic spouse knows this, and uses it to his advantage? How do you protect the one who's still processing the traumas to get the one who lies and will not share (but who is also a master manipulator). What if they've been self-employed together for over 20 years, and the abuser (who also abandons the children), decides to stop work on purpose, so that the income basis becomes nothing? Then he cries crocodile tears and tells his pity story, while he's hidden his cash income in his mother's name, and his girlfriend's name? The fact that they are able to get away with this behavior can be the worst trauma of all. A circular problem. And the children get the short end.

[maxinemm]

04:32 PM on 05/01/2012

Marta..can't open your site...need info for family [e-mail]

[AwesomeInfo]

03:48 PM on 05/01/2012

"A divorce decree doesn't magically create new assets or income."

That's kind of funny, because the judge usually can mandate new assets, no? In a lot of cases, the judge will mandate one loses their child, pays 33% of their income to the other parent and maybe even drops alimony on top of it to make sure the one spouse's standard of living doesn't change (maybe 8-9 pieces of the pie), pretending that the spouse so chosen, still has 5. The math doesn't add up to the decisions that are made.

[EinChicago]

04:42 PM on 05/01/2012

Exactly. That's why judges need to be kept out of it.