Why People Cheat: Readers Reveal #WhyICheated

In honor of National Honesty Day Monday, we asked readers to divulge whether or not they've cheated on their spouses, and if so, why they did it.

Some denied cheating, others simply listed general reasons people cheat, and some spurned spouses redirected the question to their philandering exes.

Click through the slideshow below for some of the most colorful responses. Then, share your indiscretions in the comments.

Loading Slideshow

• Ralph C. Ortega

• michael mcconnell

• Kevin Campbell

• Lulo L.

• TattsOnMyNeck

• AG

Related on HuffPost:

Comments

[Jason J Erickson]

11:02 AM on 05/04/2012

I loved my wife, and even dragged us to therapy to try and figure out why we were having so many problems. We went for months, and she never really listened to what I was trying to tell her. I kept saying the same things: We weren't close anymore. We didn't do anything together anymore, even when we got overnight sitters. I had to initiate all sex, and even then it felt like she was opening her legs because it was her "job" as my wife. I told her that my biggest need was that my wife had to be my lover. She didn't pay attention. She kept saying she thought everything was fine, even though I didn't think so.

I'm sitting here pondering a divorce right now, but I have to admit I've been unfaithful three times. Twice with female friends that didn't know her personally (but did know I was married) and once with a friend she knows too. A friend, I might add, that felt horribly guilty even though (in her words) "After talking to your wife, I shouldn't feel guilty we did this, but you're married. I just hate her right now."

I have to admit, divorce is likely now. I can't live like this anymore. I can't be married to someone that considers sex with me a job, when I can easily find another person who will consider it a pleasure. Ladies, it isn't just about putting out, it's about passion.

[Trizzytee Pod Vader]

08:20 PM on 05/02/2012

To be honest i have never been married but was in a six almost seven year relationship, and did at one time step out and cheated. I can really only say that i was in my mid-20's and honestly regret ever doing it. My girlfriend at the time never found out about it, but its something that still bothers me alittle, trying to be a man of principles is what i strive to be and in cheating i broke my word, as a man and as a honest person all for alittle bit of "fun." Men or people in gerenal cheat for many different reasons, but the conclusion is the same. While our partners may or may not find out about it, what people dont realize is that we who have cheated are really cheating ourselves. By stepping out of our respective relationships we most likely we have lied to someone about it, which breaks our Integrity robbing us of our own ability to be honest.

[susie tweeddale]

01:16 PM on 05/02/2012

As I work at doing my BEST to remember that it is always a learning process. I ask myself what part did I play in this marriage to have it get to this point? It’s important to remember that being a victim of a failed marriage/relationship is both unproductive and does not allow you to move forward in a healthy way! I am learning everyday to pay attention to my emotions, identify them, making sure my mind set is on track to my emotional healing process.

[Edogg62]

12:59 PM on 05/02/2012

As they say, if you don't feed a dog, they'll jump the fence...

[Edogg62]

12:58 PM on 05/02/2012

People "cheat" because they're not getting their needs met. Or at least that's what I've learned through friends of mine that have... they're not happy, they're not "in" love, they don't feel wanted/desired/loved/supported emotionally etc, etc. If you've communicated your needs AND your spouse isn't responding? I'd suggest counseling first, but I think people sometimes feel sooo incredibly empty that they need a recharge and the perfect storm occurs and voila. I've felt it myself... I went through tough times in my marriage. But yes, it is "right" to communicate your needs first, try counseling next and then divorce (vs. simply having an affair). But I think it's complicated... much more so than Oprah or "Dr" Phil would have us believe. I believe that people WANT their marriages to work, but find themselves starving emotionally or physically and nearly can't control their impulses. "NEARLY." Until you've walked a mile in someone ELSE'S shoes? You can't comment on THEIR choices, regardless of whether you want to act out on YOUR spouse's actions and punish some random stranger.

[Onwardigo]

01:55 PM on 05/02/2012

Its possible that the problem might not be with the marriage, but within the unhappy person.
We can't make a person responsible for our happiness. Yes, marriage is a commitment to support one another, but sometimes, all the support in the world won't make some people happy. That's when they have to look in the mirror and reflect.

[Jason J Erickson]

11:08 AM on 05/04/2012

At the same time, after getting my wife to go to couples therapy (which was an exercise in itself), and then having her ignore my comments. While she sits there and says that everything is fine. I'm just at the end of my rope.

I've got nothing left to give her. The past 4 years of trying to be the perfect husband, to try anything to get her to talk to me, to help ease her day so she would make love with me (and not just lay there for me), has just been killing me.

Toss in the fact that, if I was single, I'd at least be alone for a good reason. I'd be able to look for someone that cared. I just wish I knew what happened. She won't tell me, or our therapist. "Everything is fine."

[RobertHenryEller]

05:47 AM on 05/02/2012

I think President Clinton had the last intelligent word on this subject:

"Because I could."

And, of course, because he felt like it.

Folks, sex was invented a long time before marriage, and has its own rules. I am not knocking fidelity and trust, but in relations where sex is involved, sex always has the upper hand.

It's like food. We know we should eat better food, and less of it. But how many of us can't or won't, much as we spend billions trying to stay in shape.

[jrp1947]

02:38 AM on 05/02/2012

Both males and females cheat and I think society is just finding out how much women cheat. They are no better than males in this category and maybe worse. But once the trust is gone a divorce is going to come and all that is left is to figure out when it will happen. people will rationalize cheating with any excuse but it is a betrayal of trust pure and simple. the longer you stay in a relationship once your spouse has cheated on you the more hatred will develop and that is worse for the children. If the cheater had been honorable they would have simply said we have problems and if we can't resolve them we need to divorce because I want to move on. But they hold you hostage by your love and lie to you until the lies can no longer hide the truth. I should have divorced my spouse seven years before i did but I stuck around for the kids and lied to myself on that score.

[dcnashinsc]

01:11 AM on 05/02/2012

Remember the old Smokey Robinson song with the words, "If you can want you can need". To say women don't cheat is actually a backhanded insult to women suggesting that they can't want an have no desires or goals and no drive. Of course they want and of course they cheat.

[kat1547]

11:40 PM on 05/01/2012

I believe people cheat beacause they never had a real connection/relationship from the start. My husband is my best friend, I could lose a great friendship by cheating on him or him on me. And what's the chance that the cheat will be as good as this friend/love relationship that I already have? Jus a moment in time "a brief one at that"

[Onwardigo]

01:59 PM on 05/02/2012

Connecting in the begining is the easy part. Communicating through the marriage is the difficult stuff. Working through issues together, riding the changes in one another throughout the marriage, rearing children together, supporting each other through diffcult times.....that is the stuff that requires deep and truthful communication, and the ability to sacrifice ego in order to do so.

Never having connected in the beginning simplifies it far too much.

[D Price]

11:12 PM on 05/01/2012

Cheating that's life, but it hurts when it happens to you.

[mbandrob]

10:02 PM on 05/01/2012

I think under the right circumstances anyone could ceat. I don't even think it has to be a deal breaker. I think it is the rare person who is just a narcisist or sociopath and cheats with no regard for the other person. I think it is probably when one person is not getting what they need out of the relationship.

[smp276dp]

09:47 PM on 05/01/2012

What I've seen in my life time. I had many friends both male and female friends wonder.
The biggest problem is they feel like they are being taken for granted. And the intimacy is no longer a part of their lives. Take those two things together and it is a big problem for almost any marriage to survive.

[Claire Redfern]

07:13 PM on 05/01/2012

I think most cheat not because they are bad persons. They are really looking for the attention they need from the partner or spouse or what you want to call it. That doesn't make it right, that doesn't make them all liars. It makes human, needing someone to listen maybe. At times our own other half doesn't hear us, or want to hear us. That person we feel will judge us, and at times does. None of this makes it right,but it happens daily. I know of one, she almost refused to have penetrative sex with her now ex husband. She thought it was dirty. He found himself with hookers and such. Long story, but he tried to get her help,and all but she only wanted the church to help her. Anyway, it didn't last.

[emerald almonds]

06:16 PM on 05/01/2012

If anyone cheats on their wife/husband, they will cheat on everything in life. They are dishonest liars. They have no loyalties with anyone or anything.

[hdgoose]

11:13 PM on 05/01/2012

You just described all lawyers and politicians.

[deinekatalin]

02:13 AM on 05/02/2012

I do not believe that is true ..

[dd00405]

06:05 PM on 05/01/2012

If you're stupid enough to cheat on someone, just get divorced/break up. I don't and never will understand the concept of it. If you are even thinking about doing it, clearly you are not happy in your relationship so just end it. And for the couples who stay together after finding out, don't be surprised when it happens again.

[dcnashinsc]

01:03 AM on 05/02/2012

Living in FL I know a lot of retired people. Sometimes he or she cheated and they worked through it. Now they have a happy retired life and they are not old and alone like some people. Sometimes their love is deeper. You are partially right. Some cheaters need to be let go because they are just bad people but sometimes people just make mistakes. Cheating is not as simple as you think it is.