New York, get ready -- here comes Pippa! Maybe.
Oh, you don't know who Pippa Middleton is? She's a pretty big deal in Britain. Paparazzi's like to photograph her and pundits like to pontificate over the size of her tush as compared with her sister, the future Queen of England, Kate Middleton.
But Pippa never wanted to be a royal, did she? An international sensation? She just wants to write party planning books called "Celebrate", for which Penguin paid her a $600,000 advance. See - she's just like us!
Earlier this month there was a report that suggested Pippa would be moving to New York. If she was previously considering moving to Paris, that whole gun-toting Playboy scandal might have turned her off a bit. So now she's looking to hop the pond and start anew (maybe she started watching "Girls" and said "It's like this show is about my life!"). Could New NYC be just the thing for this royal in-law? This almost-Queen? Or does she truly belong at home, among her people, tending to her royal sister in Britain? And where would she live if she came to New York? Would she hang out at Cabin? We've enlisted two veritable Pippa experts on both sides of the Ocean to tackle these very serious set of questions -- Jessica Misener, Huffpost's US Style Editor, and Felicity Morse, an editorial assistant for HuffPost UK.
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Should Pippa Middleton move to New York? Duh.
London, I love you, but I've visited you. You're a little stuffy. A little prim. A little twitterpated by your own history and the fact that you still trot out teacups and saucers every day. We think Pippa could stand to trade in her tea cozy for a bottle of Grey Goose and drop her luggage down in Gotham for awhile.
Here's why Pippa should come spend some of her $600,000 book advance in the Big Apple:
1. Pippa likes to party. Pippa's tastes for revelry have been well-documented in the press. New York has a bar or two.
2. Pippa's (rumored to be?) single. Last I heard, Pippa had been linked to ex-flame George Percy again, but you know, out of sight, out of mind, and the Boom Boom Room is calling. Maybe it'll be good for Pips to turn over a new love leaf and get out of the royal bubble here in the city that never sleeps. Pips: Do you want to date a cute publishing magnate? An i-banker? Kanye? Just a regular old dude? New York's got all of those. You'll be hit on like crazy and no one will even remember that you're related to what's-her-name.
3. No one cares about celebrities here. In London, Pippa gets tailed (heh) by the paparazzi on a daily basis. Pips! In New York, no one bats an eye at celebrities, or wants to get caught doing so. Jaded New Yorkers at least feign indifference when Sarah Jessica Parker waltzes by in Uggs. Come here, throw on a pair of huge sunglasses and seriously, no one will be able to tell you apart from the million other brunettes wandering the streets.
4. Work! Pippa's a party planner who's also writing a book, but we hardly doubt she wants to be hosting tea and crumpet parties for Queen Elizabeth and the girls all night. Who would you rather be picking out shades of cupcake frosting for, Pips: Prince Charles or Jay-Z?
5. It's time for Pippa to carve out her own niche -- away from the palace. Kate's holed up in a palace with that guy who's going bald. Pippa should let her sis enjoy boring old married life and strike out on her own. If she stays in London, she'll never be able to escape her family's newfound royal ties and the constant nitpicking over her daily activities just because her sister married well. By hopping the pond, Pips can focus on crafting her own identity -- one that can involve as much or as little royal accoutrement as she wants.
Now that we've established the obvious, let's discuss location. While the Observer opines that Pippa should move to Brooklyn, we just can't see Pips wheeling her fixie to the Brooklyn Flea with an armful of reusable shopping bags. Manhattan, however, is totally right for her, with its socialite scene and pockets of luxury. We can see Pippa settling comfortably into Soho; it's downtown but not too gritty, trendy but thoroughly gentrified and affords some great penthouses. Your move, Pips.
Pippa Middleton is reportedly thinking of moving to New York in a bid to launch her new book on party planning, Celebrate.
Treason! What with celebrations for the Diamond Jubilee ramping up, Olympic glory on the horizon, not to mention the rapid approach of Pimms' season; it's clear Middleton should be browsing for bunting not plane tickets.
Besides, Huffington Post UK doesn't think Pippa would like it "across the pond."
It's rumoured that everything's bigger in America, and while Pippa's rear is renowned on the sceptred isle, if she crosses stateside she is in for some robust competition.
From Kim Kardashian to Jennifer Lopez, Pippa's petite posterior will pale into insignificance amid New York's bulkier bottoms. She may try and beef up with burgers, but as fast food enthusiasts have discovered, rarely, if ever, do those extra pounds deposit where one wants them.
It's a different story on the cobbles of London. Middleton's toned tail will be given an extra workout, improving its pert perfection. As the world and its mother arrives for the Olympics and traffic threatens to grind to a halt, the younger Middleton sister will be forced to travel only by foot, strutting her stuff all over the capital.
It's clear that weekend trips to Paris are off the cards for younger Middleton. Wee Pari may bring back sore memories for the socialite after a fake gun-toting friend saw a media frenzy descend upon poor Pippa.
Just another reason for Pips to stay put. While New York hails Paris as the Mecca of style and elegance, a-la Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City, proud Londoners hail Burberry, Topshop and Alexander McQueen.
Her clipped aristocratic vowels are sure to take a bashing by the drawling New Yorkers too. Years of expensive elocution lessons at the best boarding schools Britain could offer will be wasted on the subway-sleepy ears of flattened Manhattans. And forget holding on to your stiff upper lip, the rain in Spain stays mainly back in Blighty.
Pippa will be forced to leave any mention of knickers behind, along with lifts and lavatories, as puzzled Yankees struggle to understand her Great British vocabulary. No one will even understand that Pippa is 'posh' (we invented that one too, New York.)
Of course there's the final corker; how will Pippa wriggle out of answering the inevitable Yankee enquiry "Have you met the Queen?"
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