JOKE: Cat Vs. Dog -- War Of The Diaries

The Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...

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Comments

[Viki Thurman]

09:18 PM on 03/21/2013

This poor meme has been cut and altered and shortened nearly beyond recognition. This version is much funnier: http://mydarndog.com/dogcatdiary.html

[Michael Kovacs]

10:39 PM on 08/18/2012

The more I see this joke the shorter it gets... The cat's diary has more "entries" and it also used to be broken up into separate days, which makes sense if you pay attention to how it keeps saying "Today" at the beginning of every paragraph.

[julie090]

07:10 AM on 05/26/2012

This was written by W. Bruce Cameron, author of A Dog's Purpose and A Dog's Journey, and also 8 Simple Rules for Dating my Teenage Daughter. Check out wbrucecameron.com

[JulieB of CO]

10:35 PM on 05/27/2012

Thanks, julie090. I knew I had seen this before. I love Cameron. I don't think we get his column in the Denver Post anymore. I'll check out his website.

[LadySaera]

08:24 PM on 05/24/2012

hahaha, that is just so funny and it's so close to the truth too..omg!:) I never saw this before, just hilarious!

[rini]

09:24 PM on 05/22/2012

This is an oldie but a goodie. I think it has been weaving its' way around the internets for a few yrs, at least now.

Hilarious :-)