By Jennifer Oikle, PhD. This article first appeared on GalTime.com
So, you're really hitting it off with that new guy in your office. You look forward to seeing him, and chatting with him and you've even confided a couple things to him over lunch. He's just a friend, right? No harm in that...
Hold on. Think it through. Sure, it's good to have friends, but you could be inching down the slippery slope to emotional infidelity without even knowing it. The trouble? Emotional connections often slide into sexual cheating, even if you are happy in your current relationship. So you want to be on the lookout to protect your bond before it's too late!
But what exactly is emotional infidelity? Emotional infidelity happens when you allow someone of the opposite sex to fulfill emotional needs that should be met by your partner, creating an intimacy that leads to an emotional attachment that then frequently culminates in sex. It can start innocently enough, that's why you need to be aware of the behaviors that open the door to an inappropriate connection.
Signs You're Heading into Emotional Infidelity
1. You look forward to seeing him with more excitement than a typical friend, and spend more time with him than you should.
2. You find yourself dressing up and paying more attention to your appearance in a hope that he'll notice you.
3. You confide in him about your relationship troubles at home.
4. You flirt with him, touching him while talking or making playful comments.
5. You turn to him first, before your partner, when something is troubling you.
6. You fantasize about what it would be like to be together in a relationship or sexually.
7. You either talk way too much about him to your partner & friends, or you never mention him at all, keeping him a secret.
8. You wouldn't feel completely comfortable telling your partner everything about your relationship with this person because you know some of it is inappropriate.
Basically, when you're nurturing an emotional bond with an attractive member of the opposite sex that includes a spark of chemistry and secrecy, you know you're in trouble!
Stopping the Slide into Emotional Infidelity
If you find yourself slipping into the danger zone, it's time to take precautions to protect your relationship by moving away from the magnetic pull of cheating -- even if it's not so much fun. Now is your opportunity to set some new boundaries to ensure your relationship stays strong. Try these:
1. Step away from the attraction by setting limits on the amount of contact you have.
2. No longer share your troubles, turn to your partner first for support.
3. Only spend time together in groups.
4. Refocus your attention on your partner by stopping all thoughts and fantasies about the new guy.
5. Plan some fun with your partner so you can reconnect and get the spark going again.
It's important to recognize that everyone is at risk for emotional infidelity, even if you have a solid relationship, because attention and affection from someone new always feels good. So don't beat yourself up when you notice the pull toward another cutie, just use that as a sign to move closer to the one you already love and spice it up, instead of straying outside the boundaries to get your needs met. As long as you keep the boundaries around your primary relationship strong, you'll stay safely in love!
What are the lines that you draw? What is appropriate/inappropriate in male-female friendships if in a relationship? We want to hear from you!
Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D., is a relationship psychologist and dating coach. Her passion is coaching singles in Authentic Attraction so they can step into their best self and attract the kind of love that lasts a lifetime. She's also an expert in helping singles dissolve the deepest obstacles that keep them from creating fulfilling relationships. Her work has been frequently featured in Cosmo as well as Redbook, Women's Day, the John Tesh Show, and others. More: mysoulmatesolution.com and meetyourmateonline.com.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.