Greece and Spain are, like, totally effed. And Germany is punishing them for losing their virginity, says Nouriel Roubini, the New York University economics professor known as "Dr. Doom," for his gloomy (yet prescient) predictions about the global economy.
On Bloomberg TV on Wednesday Roubini said that Germany, Europe's most powerful country, is punishing troubled eurozone countries for, well, being kinda slutty.
" 'You lost your virginity,' " Roubini imagines Germany telling its Southern neighbors. " 'Now you sign a contract. You say, "I'm a born-again virgin. Be abstinent for the next two years. Show me your soul, and two years from now, we're going to get married.' "
For those of you lost in the clunky/sexy econ metaphor, here's the gist: Eurozone countries mired in debt are women that lost their virginity before marriage. Germany is a wealthy man that can offer a lifetime of financial security but only wants to get with virgins. But the country is willing to consider born-again Virgins. So Germany is forcing misbehaving countries to commit to abstinence from overspending, or austerity, before considering fiscal marriage.
Roubini told Bloomberg TV that Germany recently rejected a limited proposal for euro bonds because in Germany's eyes, it just would be too risky. Some observers believe Euro bonds would ease borrowing costs for troubled eurozone countries and in their view end the eurozone crisis.
German-mandated austerity meanwhile seems as medieval as a chastity belt. It has been sinking southern European countries such as Italy, Spain, and Greece deeper into recession and deeper debt, as tax revenues plunge along with incomes and spending.
Roubini wrote in an op-ed in the Guardian in April that the eurozone's austerity strategy has been a self-defeating "recession strategy." He wrote that the eurozone needs economic growth and a devaluation of the euro in order to survive.
European leaders will meet at another summit on Thursday to try to address the crisis, which threatens to break up the eurozone and plunge Europe into a depression.
But German Chancellor Angela Merkel said on Tuesday that there will be no euro bonds "as long as I live," according to several news outlets.
Billionaire investor George Soros said on Bloomberg TV on Monday that fiscal union is the only viable solution to the crisis in Europe.