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'Ted' Movie: Which Bear Movie Should You See This Weekend, 'Ted' Or 'Brave'?

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A picture from
A picture from "Ted," not "Brave."

"Ted," the R-rated comedy about a drug-addled talking teddy bear, is the second bear movie to hit theaters in the last two weeks. "Brave," the G-rated Pixar adventure, also features a furry member of the Ursidae family as a key character. For some, the close proximity of two bear movies on the multiplex marquee might be a tad confusing.

"I must end on a note of warning," wrote Roger Ebert at the close of his surprising three-and-a-half star review of "Ted." "[This] is not merely an R-rated movie, but a very R-rated movie -- 'for crude and sexual content, pervasive language and some drug use,' according to the MPAA, and what they mean by 'some' is hard to figure, because it could hardly contain more. No matter how much kids want to see the teddy bear movie in the ads on TV, steer them to 'Brave.' Trust me on this."

Indeed, Roger. Still, if you're the type of person who goes to the ticket booth and says, "One for the one with the bear, please!" you could be in trouble. Ahead, HuffPost Entertainment breaks down the differences between the bear in "Ted" and the bear in "Brave."

If you want your bear to...
...employ a guard named Gordon.See "Brave."
...be obsessed with Flash Gordon.See "Ted."
...catch fish without a hook.See "Brave."
...enjoy hookers.See "Ted."
...take a stab at eating with a knife and fork.See "Brave."
...take a stab at someone's hand.See "Ted."
...get almost mauled by an evil bear.See "Brave."
...get almost molested by Giovanni Ribisi.See "Ted."
...eat fish out of a stream. See "Brave."
...stream cocaine up his nose.See "Ted."
...not speak orally.See "Brave."
...perform oral sex on a cashier.See "Ted."
...be happily married to King Fergus.See "Brave."
...have had sex with Norah Jones.See "Ted."
...have a daughter who is good with a bow.See "Brave."
...meet Sam Jones, who scores him blow.See "Ted."

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