"Ted," the R-rated comedy about a drug-addled talking teddy bear, is the second bear movie to hit theaters in the last two weeks. "Brave," the G-rated Pixar adventure, also features a furry member of the Ursidae family as a key character. For some, the close proximity of two bear movies on the multiplex marquee might be a tad confusing.
"I must end on a note of warning," wrote Roger Ebert at the close of his surprising three-and-a-half star review of "Ted." "[This] is not merely an R-rated movie, but a very R-rated movie -- 'for crude and sexual content, pervasive language and some drug use,' according to the MPAA, and what they mean by 'some' is hard to figure, because it could hardly contain more. No matter how much kids want to see the teddy bear movie in the ads on TV, steer them to 'Brave.' Trust me on this."
Indeed, Roger. Still, if you're the type of person who goes to the ticket booth and says, "One for the one with the bear, please!" you could be in trouble. Ahead, HuffPost Entertainment breaks down the differences between the bear in "Ted" and the bear in "Brave."
|If you want your bear to...|
|...employ a guard named Gordon.||See "Brave."|
|...be obsessed with Flash Gordon.||See "Ted."|
|...catch fish without a hook.||See "Brave."|
|...enjoy hookers.||See "Ted."|
|...take a stab at eating with a knife and fork.||See "Brave."|
|...take a stab at someone's hand.||See "Ted."|
|...get almost mauled by an evil bear.||See "Brave."|
|...get almost molested by Giovanni Ribisi.||See "Ted."|
|...eat fish out of a stream.||See "Brave."|
|...stream cocaine up his nose.||See "Ted."|
|...not speak orally.||See "Brave."|
|...perform oral sex on a cashier.||See "Ted."|
|...be happily married to King Fergus.||See "Brave."|
|...have had sex with Norah Jones.||See "Ted."|
|...have a daughter who is good with a bow.||See "Brave."|
|...meet Sam Jones, who scores him blow.||See "Ted."|
Andrew O'Hehir (Salon)
Moms and girls everywhere deserve this movie, absolutely, and I hope they have a great time. <a href="http://www.salon.com/2012/06/19/brave_pixars_feminist_fantasy/" target="_hplink">But they also deserve much more, and much better</a>.
Melissa Anderson (Village Voice)
The animation studio's first film with a female protagonist, a defiant lass who acts as a much-welcome corrective to retrograde <a href="http://www.villagevoice.com/2012-06-20/film/brave-pixar-Kelly-Macdonald/" target="_hplink">Disney heroines of the past and the company's unstoppable pink-princess merchandising</a>.
Keith Uhlich (Time Out New York)
Merely a dull amalgam of <a href="http://www.timeout.com/us/film/brave" target="_hplink">modern Mouse House idiosyncrasies</a>.
Alonso Duralde (The Wrap)
It's a rousing adventure and a hilarious comedy, and if its athletic and <a href="http://www.thewrap.com/movies/column-post/brave-review-finally-disney-princess-who-isnt-defined-prince-44636" target="_hplink">intelligent leading lady creates a new paradigm for animated features, so much the better</a>.
David Edelstein (New York Magazine)
In addition to being fast, funny, and unpretentious, <a href="http://nymag.com/movies/reviews/brave-to-rome-with-love-edelstein/" target="_hplink">Brave is a happy antidote to all the recent films in which women triumph by besting men at their own macho games</a>...
Christy Lemire (Associated Press)
Pixar is long overdue for a feature with a strong female character at its center. Now that she's arrived, <a href="http://www.mercurynews.com/celebrities/ci_20885779/review-brave-is-beautiful-but-plays-it-too" target="_hplink">it's clear that she deserves better</a>.
Todd McCarthy (Hollywood Reporter)
A film that starts off big and promising but diminishes into a rather wee thing as it chugs along, <a href="http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/review/brave-review-disney-pixar-335633" target="_hplink">with climactic drama that is both too conveniently wrapped up and hinges on magical elements that are somewhat confusing to boot</a>.
Peter Debruge (Variety)
Adding a female director to its creative boys' club, the studio has fashioned a resonant tribute to mother-daughter relationships that packs a level of poignancy <a href="http://www.variety.com/review/VE1117947728?refcatid=31" target="_hplink">on par with such beloved male-bonding classics as Finding Nemo</a>.
Richard Larson (Slant Magazine)
Pixar's latest ultimately offers nothing more <a href="http://www.slantmagazine.com/film/review/brave/6347" target="_hplink">than a caricature of a well-worn conceit</a>.
Eric Kohn (indieWIRE)
Pixar, a once-complex house of stories, has been downgraded to the happy meal alternative:<a href="http://www.indiewire.com/article/critics-notebook-has-pixar-gone-the-way-of-the-simpsons" target="_hplink"> "Brave" is a movie for six-year-olds</a>.