A Florida man was slapped with a slew of felony charges after he allegedly "poked" a pregnant woman with a sword and attacked another with a peanut butter sandwich.
Mark Christopher Miller, 50, was apparently enraged when he came out of his Winter Haven mobile home when he heard three women arguing on Friday, according to The Ledger. He was armed with a 4-foot sword and a sandwich.
Miller allegedly approached the first woman, who was six months pregnant, and, according to a police report, "poked" his sword into her stomach. She managed to grab the blade with her hand and pushed it away from her.
A second woman intervened and Miller reportedly threatened her life.
When a third woman tried to stop Miller, he allegedly smeared her chest with the peanut butter sandwich he was carrying, the Sun-Sentinel reported.
Deputies arrived and arrested Miller, but he wasn't done fighting. As he was driven to the Polk County Jail, he tore a piece of padding from the inside of the car with his teeth, a police report obtained by The Ledger states.
Hat tip, Fark.