Well, it's worth a shot.
Fredrick Denney, 61, is accused of barricading himself inside a Belmont, N.C. hotel and threatening to shoot police while demanding a pizza and to marry Paris Hilton, according to WCNC.
Denney was eventually pepper sprayed and taken into custody after several hours on Saturday.
Robert Paul Reyes of the Student Operated Press speculates on how the negotiations might have gone down:
Crazy dude: I ain't gonna leave until I get a pizza with sausage, pepperoni, anchovies and green peppers, and send me Paris Hilton wearing a wedding dress so we can get hitched.
Cop: Dude how about if we make it a 2-topping pizza and give you Bristol Palin instead of Paris?
Though Denney's alleged demand might seem unreasonable, Detroit Free Press' Eric Millikin insists that the pairing makes sense.
"Hey, sounds like a match made in heaven," Millikin writes. "He and Paris Hilton have a lot in common: They both enjoy long walks on the beach and going to jail."