07/09/2012 01:51 pm ET

Worst Self-Defense Video Ever

Remember the '80s? It was a simpler time when all the potential attackers, flashers, muggers and sexual predators looked like your favorite rock stars and never carried weapons ever. It was also a time where things like thigh pinches, nose punches and ear slaps were enough to ward off a potentially violent conflict. At least, that's what the video above leads us to believe.

Offering some of the least effective self-defense advice ever, the video shows scenario after scenario that a modern woman could find herself in, and outlines "simple techniques" for how to get away safely. Unfortunately, we're pretty sure none of these would actually work.

But that's not all. Aside from illustrating self-defense moves, the video offers some key pieces of wisdom, such as "The 'toucher' is a common problem in most big cities," and "Let your anger and indignation out. They're a great source of energy and strength."

But if there's only one thing you take away from the myriad lessons offered here, it's this: "A simple kick to the genitals will almost certainly be enough."

Words to live by.


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