Remember the '80s? It was a simpler time when all the potential attackers, flashers, muggers and sexual predators looked like your favorite rock stars and never carried weapons ever. It was also a time where things like thigh pinches, nose punches and ear slaps were enough to ward off a potentially violent conflict. At least, that's what the video above leads us to believe.

Offering some of the least effective self-defense advice ever, the video shows scenario after scenario that a modern woman could find herself in, and outlines "simple techniques" for how to get away safely. Unfortunately, we're pretty sure none of these would actually work.

But that's not all. Aside from illustrating self-defense moves, the video offers some key pieces of wisdom, such as "The 'toucher' is a common problem in most big cities," and "Let your anger and indignation out. They're a great source of energy and strength."

But if there's only one thing you take away from the myriad lessons offered here, it's this: "A simple kick to the genitals will almost certainly be enough."

Words to live by.

Via Dangerous Minds

Also on HuffPost:



Loading Slideshow...
  • The Manly Art Of Knitting

    There's just something so manly about knitting atop a horse. (Via <a href="http://justmako.tumblr.com/post/16681936693/someone-please-get-this-book-for-me" target="_hplink">Tumblr: justmako</a>)

  • Fancy Coffins

    Finally, a guide to building your dream coffin for your slowly decaying corpse! (Via <a href="http://www.boredpanda.com/worst-book-covers-and-titles/" target="_hplink">Bored Panda</a>)

  • Living With Crazy Buttocks

    A look at how one can live with such insane buttocks. (Via <a href="http://www.oddee.com/item_96479.aspx" target="_hplink">Oddee</a>)

  • How To Date A White Woman

    This book has no doubt led to countless loving relationships. (Via <a href="http://izismile.com/2009/10/29/the_most_crazy_books_titles_11_pics.html" target="_hplink">Izismile</a>)

  • How To Good-Bye Depression

    If you constrict what? WHAT IS THIS BOOK ABOUT? (Via <a href="http://www.robotnine.com/2009/03/24-odd-and-funny-book-titles-and-covers.html" target="_hplink">Robot Nine</a>)

  • The Chicken Whisperer's Guide To Keeping Chickens

    Someone out there is professionally known as "The Chicken Whisperer." Also, here's a picture of a chicken's butt if you were on the fence of about buying this. (Via <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Chicken-Whisperers-Guide-Keeping-Chickens/dp/1592537286/ref=sr_1_14?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1333468240&sr=1-14" target="_hplink">Amazon</a>)

  • Identifying Wood

    Never wonder if something is wooden again! (Via <a href="http://funnybookcovers.wordpress.com/2012/02/29/r-bruce-hoadley-identifying-wood-1990/" target="_hplink">Funny Book Covers</a>)

  • Drink As Much As You Want And Live Longer

    The sequel to the wildly popular "Eat And Smoke As Much As You Want And Live Forever." (Via <a href="http://funnybookcovers.wordpress.com/2011/11/02/frederick-m-beyerlein-drink-as-much-as-you-want-and-live-longer-1999-2/" target="_hplink">Funny Book Covers</a>)

  • How To Avoid Huge Ships

    Insider knowledge from a real ship captain. (Via <a href="http://www.joeydevilla.com/2009/09/09/book-of-the-day-a-proposed-patron-saint-for-failcamp/" target="_hplink">The Adventures Of Accordian Guy In The 21st Century</a>)

  • How To Sh*t In The Woods

    An educational book for this timeless artform. (Via <a href="http://www.boredpanda.com/worst-book-covers-and-titles/" target="_hplink">Bored Panda</a>)

  • How To Beat Your Dad At Chess

    How conveniently specific. (Via <a href="http://www.amazon.com/How-Beat-Your-Chess-Gambit/dp/1901983056/ref=sr_1_685?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1333554682&sr=1-685" target="_hplink">Amazon</a>)

  • Pornogami

    A complete guide to erotically folded paper. (Via <a href="http://izismile.com/2009/10/29/the_most_crazy_books_titles_11_pics.html" target="_hplink">Izismile</a>)

  • How To Cook WIthout A Book

    Learn how to cook without the help of a cookbook in this easy-to-read cookbook! (Via <a href="http://www.amazon.com/How-Cook-Without-Book-Techniques/dp/0767902793/ref=sr_1_761?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1333555082&sr=1-761" target="_hplink">Amazon</a>)

  • Knitting With Dog Hair

    The author raises a good point. Better you wear a sweater from the hair of a dog you know and love than from some random sheep. (Via <a href="http://www.robotnine.com/2009/03/24-odd-and-funny-book-titles-and-covers.html" target="_hplink">Robot Nine</a>)

  • Microwave Recipes For One

    Quickly heat up a good meal and try to briefly forget about your crippling loneliness. (Via <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Microwave-Recipes-One-Annette-Yates/dp/0716020440/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1333558650&sr=1-3" target="_hplink">Amazon</a>)

  • Bombproof Your Horse

    Always make sure to bombproof your horses before letting them out. (Via <a href="http://www.oddee.com/item_96479.aspx" target="_hplink">Oddee</a>)

  • Make Your Own Sex Toys

    50 quick and easy DIY projects. (Via <a href="http://izismile.com/2009/10/29/the_most_crazy_books_titles_11_pics.html" target="_hplink">Izismile</a>)

  • How To Pay Zero Taxes

    Don't forget to check out the sequel: "How To Cope WIth An Extensive Audit" (Via <a href="http://www.amazon.com/How-Pay-Zero-Taxes-2012/dp/0071778756/ref=sr_1_772?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1333555286&sr=1-772" target="_hplink">Amazon</a>)

  • Reusing Old Graves

    We'd rather not know the details in this book. (Via <a href="http://www.oddee.com/item_96479.aspx" target="_hplink">Oddee</a>)

  • How To Write A How To Write Book

    This just blew our minds. (Via <a href="http://www.amazon.com/How-write-how-book/dp/0955555701/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1333558939&sr=1-1" target="_hplink">Amazon</a>)

  • It's Easy To Play Classical Themes

    WATCH OUT FOR BEETHOVEN, KID! (Via <a href="http://www.boredpanda.com/worst-book-covers-and-titles/" target="_hplink">Bored Panda</a>)