Hey, brides-to-be! I am talking to you! I’m even talking to those of you thinking an engagement is on the horizon. Girls, listen up because there is an epidemic happening. It’s scary as hell, and needs to be addressed immediately! I like to call it “bridaldemia”. Huh?
Verb: perfectly normal woman overcome by demons once diamond ring is on finger
Synonyms: diva witch (with a capital “B”) bride, bridezilla, coo coo, crazy, cray cray, certifiable, demonic
Bridaldemia. Sounds disgusting, right? Well, it is disgusting. As a pillar in “the industry” and a wedding planner for several years, I have been trying to figure out what happens to perfectly normal, lovely women the moment they become engaged. Because something definitely changes... There is a transformation of sorts. Sometimes it’s slow and presents itself when you least expect it, and sometimes it’s immediate; like if you turned Cinderella into her evil step-sister, somehow reversing the fairy tale (but she still gets to marry the prince in the end). No matter what, the person standing in front of me is a much darker and more volatile version of herself. She is entitled, self-indulgent and crazy. Or, what some may even consider, demonic.
You're probably thinking, "Bitchless Bride, what the hell are you talking about?" Well, allow me to share a REAL story with you…
I was having cocktails with a totally fabulous planner friend of mine (let’s call him Mason) who after a few Manhattans shared a tale with me that was so atrocious I couldn’t shut my mouth for like two full minutes after he was done.
Mason told me that following the ceremony rehearsal of a very demanding and super exhausting bride, he went out for a late supper with his partner. After quickly sucking down a much-needed G+T, he was about to sink his teeth into his piping hot coq au vin… when his cell began ringing. Uh-oh.
It was a friend of the bride, and she was calling because apparently the bride was too upset to talk, but desperately needed him.
"Can you tell me what’s going on? Perhaps we can fix whatever needs attention over the phone", Mason asked.
The friend said, "Not sure actually… she just needs to see you immediately."
Mason looked at his partner apologetically as he stood up from the table and mouthed, "I have to go."
In the cab, he recounted the events of the day trying to figure out what “Deirdre” could have needed that hadn’t already been done. What was so wrong that she had her friend call him? And why couldn’t this discussion take place over the phone?
When he arrived at the venue, he became suspicious. There she was, arms crossed, her entourage circling like vultures.
"What’s going on Deirdre?", asked Mason. Silence. "Deirdre?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to see how fast you could get here." She said with a smirk.
And as he was digesting the sheer ridiculousness and blatant disrespect of her statement, she turned to the entourage and said, "See, I told you he’d come."
Excuse me? WHAT? What did she just say?
Mason got close enough so that he could smell the bubble gum on her breath and said, "You’ll be lucky if I come tomorrow." And then dramatically turned towards the door.
In the end, Mason DID complete the job, but keeping the smile on his face was among the most difficult tasks he had ever performed. Because “faking it until you make it” works some of the time, but with this bride, he had already faked it for so long, that just being in her presence was difficult. Honestly, he said that he hoped she tripped down the aisle.
The scary part of this story? Mason is typically a great judge of character, and I know that he never would have taken this witch on as a client if he smelled her scent from the beginning. So the only way I can come to terms with this sort of crazy behavior is because there is an epidemic going around. And I've named it bridaldemia.
So what do you think? We'd love to hear from brides, bloggers and wedding pros!
Bitchless Bride is a foul-mouthed wedding planner attempting to educate brides on bitch prevention.