Think about how your last relationship ended. Was it a mutual decision or did things end on bad terms? Do you know how to end a relationship in a way that will honor the love that you and your partner once felt for each other? Stray away from the break-up norms. If you are planning on breaking up with your partner, avoid these seven scenarios and instead choose an alternative method that will pay tribute to the happy moments in your relationship.
1. Become invisible. Vanish without giving any reason. Do not return phone calls or emails. Leave your ex wondering if you died or lost your mind. Keep them wondering if you will ever reappear in their lives.
Alternative solution: Offer closure by giving a general reason for leaving. No blame. Simply say you no longer see a future together. If pushed for your reasoning, remember that your parting words echo long after you are gone. What can you say to make your ex feel better for having known and loved you?
2. Announce your decision to break up via text message or email. Do this only if you want to be remembered as a coward. Not ending your relationship face-to-face will deface the good times you both shared together.
Alternative solution: Muster up your courage to end a relationship face-to-face. It takes courage to love and trust, and courage to part in a way that dignifies the feelings you once had.
3. Use honesty as an excuse to hurt your partner. Criticize flaws, list reasons why you are turned off, say that your relationship was a mistake and a waste of your time and make your ex feel undesirable before you move on.
Alternative solution: Share a few reasons why your time together was important and meaningful for you. Mention that you are disappointed you do not see a long-term future together. Now that you have made this decision, you want to act with integrity. Give your ex the opportunity to find the relationship that supports their well-being and greatest happiness.
4. Break up in a public setting. If you assume that your ex is less likely to make a scene in front of witnesses, the opposite might occur. If they do lose control, let them humiliate themselves in public and justify your reasons for walking out.
Alternative solution: Choose a calm moment in a cozy private place to explain your desire to end the relationship. Be understanding of an emotional reaction and apologize for the pain your decision has caused. Unless you fear physical harm, leave when your ex has calmed down.
5. Move on before you end the relationship. Instead of trying to mend the issues within your relationship, dive into a new one and find out if it has potential. This method is like testing the waters before going out for a swim. Tell your ex that you are leaving because you are in love with someone else.
Alternative solution: Is your relationship worth saving? Have you asked your partner to try and resolve the road blocks in your relationship? If you feel no need to improve the relationship, then do the honorable thing and end it before you look for a new one. What if you have already bonded with a new love while you're in another relationship? Assume your ex will find out and you will cause them great pain. Will you admit this and ask for forgiveness? How will you ease the pain of betrayal in someone who loved and trusted you?
6. Stay in touch and stop by for break up sex. Make sure your ex stays bonded to you so they are not emotionally free to move on. This method will keep you and your ex together, and not allow the two of you to truly move on from the relationship you just ended.
Alternative solution: Free your ex to find a new relationship by ending any interactions with one another. If you are co-parenting with your ex, your future contact will focus on parenting issues, not personal ones.
7. Give your ex false hope that you will reunite when you know the relationship is over for good. Try to soften the break up blow with a lie. Suggest that you may revisit your relationship after you take a break. But, you never contact your ex again because you have no desire to stay in touch.
Alternative solution: Tell your ex the truth. Mention good qualities in your ex that will attract someone new. Explain that you each need to let go of each other so you are free to love again. It is best if you each grieve this loss privately before you enter a new relationship.
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