Matt Yoder, Awful Announcing
Saturday brought about the sixth annual "Extreme Race Day" at Canterbury Park in Minnesota. What exactly makes Extreme Race Day so "extreme" you may be asking? No, it's not skateboards and snowmobiles, but rather, racing camels and ostriches. Below you'll see the "Don't Lay an Egg Dash."
I don't know whether to be impressed that some of these guys are actually able to sit aboard a running ostrich, horrified at the thought of racing large fligtless birds for entertainment, or utterly shocked Fox hasn't televised this yet. I guess it's some combination of all three.
The track announcer and aftermath of the race is just as absurd as racing ostriches with enough bad bird puns for a lifetime. And yes, there's also an ostrich onboard camera...
"These birds are crazy, look out, one might fly in the crowd, start peckin!"
(Get it... they're ostriches... they can't fly into the crowd... although theoretically they could run over and attack unsuspecting patrons from the ground.)
"And here comes Derek Bell and WallyTheBirdman to pick up the prize and win with his aggressive fohawk!"
"Well, by winning the stakes race, Derek can put another feather in his cap."
"What was it like riding that crazy bird with the long neck and the devilish eyes?"
"Here is the aggressive WallyTheBirdman! Look at this two legged terrorist!"
And if that wasn't all, this year's Extreme Race Day also featured the first ever helium-called horse race by track announcer Paul Allen. The results are more farcical than extreme as Allen gets a fresh shot of helium every twenty or seconds or so, but really finishes strong on the home stretch to his credit. Judging by the results, my guess is this will double as the last ever helium-called horse race...
How will Extreme Race Day top itself next year? Jockeys could use bow and arrows to shoot their competitors off their horse/camel/bird. We could see the announcer calling the race while trying to eat fire. Or, next year, maybe the ostriches can ride people. That would truly be extreme.