Blood pressure concerns aside, thank heaven for Lewis Black. If one person has the ability to embody the collective frustration Americans feel with lie upon little-white-campaign lie, it would be him.
Black appeared on Tuesday's edition of "The Daily Show" for his popular "Back In Black" segment, and boy did he have a bone to pick. And not a moment too soon. If campaign ads are bending the truth this much in July, they may be disrupting the space-time continuum by October.
While "The Daily Show," and Jon Stewart in particular, are occasionally accused by the left of making false equivalencies, Black's criticism of both sides was as fair as it was ferocious. And he underlined something that we've been trying to put our finger on since this election was just a glint in Karl Rove's eye:
"Campaigns have finally arrived in the 21st century; they can produce bullsh*t at the same rate as actual bulls."
Prove him wrong, people. Prove him wrong.
Watch the clip above and let us know if you're as frustrated by the tone of the campaigns as Black is.
Really Elliot Spitzer, did you not think prostitution rings get busted? Your job used to be busting prostitution rings. Really.
Really!?! With Seth, Amy And Tina
Really, Greece? Your retirement age is 54. Greek people in America work the register at the diner til they die. Really.
Really, if you're at a party and you see Michael Phelps smoking a bong and your first thought isn't, "Wow I get to party with Michael Phelps," and instead you take a picture and sell it to a tabloid, you should take a long look in the mirror because you're a d*ck. I mean, really.
The hair. Really? It looks like you're wearing a toupee that's also wearing a toupee.
I don't know if you've heard, but you can't bring bottled water past security anymore. So you hid your weed, which is not allowed on a plane, in another thing that is not allowed on a plane. That's like hiding your weed in the barrel of a gun or in the mouth of an endangered species. Really.
Really!?! With Seth And Jerry Seinfeld
When Larry King asked if you were gay, you said, "Ask my wife or ask the 10,000 guys I served with in the Navy." Really?
Really, Goldman Sachs? Look, I understand you're an institution and like all institutions you need vaccines, but before schools and hospitals? Do you not know that you currently have a serious PR problem?
Really Congress? You held a Congressional Committee on reproductive rights, and you didn't invite any women. Really? That would be like not inviting any men to a Congressional Committee debating the Maxim Top 100.
Really, Kanye West? You interrupted someone again? Really? You know, it was interesting when you spoke out against President Bush and Hurricane Katrina, less so when you're standing up for Beyonce's "Single Ladies" video. Really.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell
It's time to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" because, let's admit it, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" sounds a little gay to begin with. Sounds like something a gay dude would use as the title of his e-vite or a Lifetime movie starring Meredith Baxter-Birnie. Really.
Really!?! With Seth And Kermit
If pizza is a vegetable, what's a fruit salad, Twizzlers and a grape soda? Really?
Really, President Bush? You thought it went well? Which part? Because the best thing anyone can say about Gonzales' testimony is that he didn't use the word "nappy" and he remembered to wear pants. Really.
You have giant balls for a guy who definitely has tiny, Steroid balls. Really.
I'm not creeped out that you tried to have gay sex in an airport bathroom, I'm creeped out that you tried to have any sex in an airport bathroom. I don't even like going to the bathroom in an airport bathroom. I mean really!
Time Magazine Cover
And really, what's with the camouflage pants? You do realize there's not enough camouflage in the world to hide from the blowback this kid is going to experience.