Miami Swim Week is over and this weekend, our streets will be swarmed with curious freaks and geeks in place of bikini-clad, caftan-wielding models.
The small behinds and pert chests of Miami Swim Week will be replaced by the unnaturally long tongue of KISS rocker Gene Simmons and cult filmmaker John Waters' jagged smile.
International soccer royalty will descend on SunLife Stadium at Chelsea battles Milan.
And the rest of the weekend is filled with the best of South Florida from renown storytellers, local craft brews, South Florida DIYers, and Miami performance artists.
Miami Performance International Festival 12
Through Sunday Various Admission: Free The inaugural <a href="http://www.miamiperformancefestival.org/The_Festival.html" target="_hplink">Miami Performance International Festival</a> hosts 50-plus artists working in performance art. <a href="http://blogs.miaminewtimes.com/cultist/2012/07/miami_performance_internationa_2.php" target="_hplink">Click here for 5 artists to check out</a>.
KISS, Motley Crue Tour
Friday, 7 p.m. Cruzan Amphitheatre Tickets: $125 Catch rockers KISS and Motley Crue just a week into their <a href="http://www.motley.com/2012/03/motleykiss-tour-press-conference/" target="_hplink">40-date summer tour</a> Friday at the Cruzan Amphitheatre. "We never forget, we were once in the audience seeing bands who let us down," <a href="http://www.billboard.com/news/kiss-motley-crue-announce-summer-tour-1006522352.story#/news/kiss-motley-crue-announce-summer-tour-1006522352.story" target="_hplink">KISS drummer Eric Singer said</a>. "This will be The Tour, that's what we're calling it, The Tour. You will be deaf and blinded, you will leave there stumbling out."
John Waters: "This Flithy World"
Saturday, 6 p.m. Parker Playhouse Tickets: $36.50 to $125 "<a href="https://www.parkerplayhouse.com/online/default.asp?doWork::WScontent::loadArticle=Load&BOparam::WScontent::loadArticle::article_id=1DD1474A-6743-4FDA-B136-9B508E2A79C7" target="_hplink">This Flithy World</a>" is a one-man show by John Waters, famed "pop of trash," who directed cult films like "Pink Flamingos" and "Hairspray." "The word 'trash' doesn't have any punch, anymore," <a href="http://www.sun-sentinel.com/entertainment/news/thingstodo/fl-sh-john-waters-parker-playhouse-072712-20120727,0,4717454.story" target="_hplink">Waters told the <em>Sun Sentinel</em></a>. "I used the word 'trash' in 1969, and back then, it had a kick. But Hollywood purposely thinks they make trash these days. They're trying too hard to be shocking. All these shows about angry bridezillas and John Edwards' mistress' book -- I would be more interested in the person who would buy that book than the book itself. I just don't get it."
World Football Championship: Chelsea vs. Milian
Saturday, 6 p.m. SunLife Stadium Tickets: $35 to $175 England Premier League's <a href="http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/0D0048A36FDF3293" target="_hplink">Chelsea F.C. takes on Italy's Sirie A league's A.C. Milan </a>this Saturday night for the World Football Challenge.
Saturday, 9 p.m. Sweat Records Admission: Free Master storyteller Matt Gajewski returns home to Miami for another installment of <a href="http://vangloria.net/pureimagination/" target="_hplink">Pure Imagination</a>, his radio drama with a local cult following. This time he will be joined by his band, the Mountain Dew Code Red Terror Alert.
Palm Beach Craft Beer Festival
Saturday, 4 p.m. Meyer Amphitheatre Tickets: $30 to $80 Now that South Florida is getting its own craft beer revolution (there are new local brews from Schnebly, Due South, and soon Wynwood Brewery), come sample dozens of ales from brewers near and far at the <a href="http://www.pbcraftbeerfestival.com/" target="_hplink">Palm Beach Craft Beer Festival</a>. There will be live music by Ketchy Shuby and other South Florida bands.
Indie Craft Bazaar
Saturday, 12 p.m. Revolution Tickets: $5 Need some indoor fun to escape the blazing heat? Stop in at Revolution for the annual <a href="http://www.getupandcraft.com/Indie_Craft_Bazaar.html" target="_hplink">Indie Craft Bazaar</a>, where 60-plus local crafters and artisans will hawk their quirky DIY wares.