Rejoice! For we never have to hear the word "veepstakes" again!

When Romney made the announcement that he had chosen Rep. Paul Ryan as his running mate, at least a few observers found the choice surprising. After all, ever since Romney ended up as the last man standing in the endless Republican primaries, the political media had become obsessed with who he'd choose. Because let's face it: Romney's just not interesting enough on his own.

We'll never know what one detail about Ryan sealed the deal for the Romney, but we can surely guess as to why he didn't choose some other candidates. Here are our guesses.

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  • Bobby Jindal

    PRO: Would deliver the all-important demographic of "people who want to watch an Indian-American guy with a Southern accent speak on TV." CON: Voters might be confused about how he's pulling double duty playing Kenneth on "30 Rock."

  • Marco Rubio

    PRO: Name sounds like a late-'90s Latin singing sensation. CON: A duet between him and Joe Biden would be too sexy for America to handle.

  • Scrooge McDuck

    PRO: Mitt and Scrooge use the same money tower guy. CON: Refused to explain why life was like a hurricane, there in Duckberg.

  • Bruce Wayne

    PRO: Might let Romney be the new Robin. CON: Could be played by George Clooney at any moment.

  • Chris Christie

    PRO: Would had no problem standing behind Mitt and dropping random F-bombs during the State of the Union. CON: Would get belligerent every time Mitt began his phone calls to him by adopting a gravelly baritone and exclaiming, "Hey hey hey!"

  • Karl Rove

    PRO: One of the greatest political minds in a generation. CON: Sleeps in a swamp and diet consists only of live frogs.

  • Mr. Burns

    PRO: Is the richest, and therefore most objectively successful, man in Springfield. CON: Romney thinks Smithers is just "terribly grating."

  • Sarah Palin

    PRO: Vice president might be the only more irrelevant job than reality show star. CON: Unfortunately for Sarah, Mitt has read a newspaper or watched television in the last four years.

  • Jed Clampett

    PRO: Discovered the only way to become rich in the Romney administration by shooting a bullet where oil was. CON: Mitt's seen much better ce-ment ponds.

  • Ron Paul

    PRO: Mitt thought Ron was very polite every time they'd spoken. CON: Until he realized Ron was not the butler.

  • Roseanne Barr

    PRO: One of the few celebrities unafraid to sing the National Anthem in public. CON: Mitt thought the season finale of "Roseanne" was a real cop-out.

  • Tywin Lannister

    PRO: Seems like a real family man. CON: Mitt could not properly vet him until stealing someone's HBO Go password.

  • Mike Huckabee

    PRO: It takes pretty big stones to declare a day in support of a homophobic fast-food chain. CON: Huckabee loves the bass guitar, and Mitt's a treble man through-and-through.

  • Martin Sheen

    PRO: Is responsible for Emilio Estevez, and Romney has a framed portrait of Coach Gordon Bombay on his desk. CON: Roughly 70% of Americans thinks he's been the President already.

  • Donald Trump

    PRO: Would be the first vice president to have had his own board game in the '80s. CON: Is Donald Trump.

  • Tony Stark

    PRO: Could introduce Mitt to Scarlett Johansson. CON: Cabinet meetings could get thrown off by Tony's tendency to rocket through the ceiling.

  • Rob Portman

    PRO: He certainly looks like a politician. CON: Turns out he's not even a little bit related to Natalie Portman.

  • Robert Crawley

    PRO: Romney's often felt like he would make a fantastic Earl of Grantham. CON: Come now, old boy, only a real pillock would wear those cufflinks outside of the master's chambers.

  • Bruce Jenner

    PRO: Thick skin. The only worse job than helping pull the country out of an economic crisis is being forced to live around the Kardashians. CON: For that reason, Bruce Jenner is likely insane.

  • A Loaf Of Bread

    PRO: Bread has truly <em>risen</em> politically, and is certainly <em>ingrained</em> in a <em>slice</em> of the electorate. CON: Mitt's no idiot who will be upstaged.

  • A Dockers Model

    PRO: Romney could continue his support for the nation's dads by expressing solidarity with their trouser of choice. CON: Actually, Romney did end up choosing a Dockers model.

  • Mr. Monopoly

    PRO: Ever since Mitt dressed up as Rich Uncle Pennybags every year for Halloween, he has been a passionate fan of Monopoly. And also monopolies. CON: Is an outspoken birther.

  • The Olympics

    PRO: USA! USA! USA! CON: Mitt had no idea so much male nudity was involved in the original Olympics.

  • Ted Nugent's Hat

    PRO: That hat's seen a thing or two in its day, man. CON: The hat refused to denounce the head on which it sits.

  • Your Neighbor Glen

    PRO: You want a guy you can count on, Glen's your guy. He and Kimberly just went to that new barbeque joint that opened up, and you gotta try the ribs. They're somethin' else. CON: Kimberly's a real see-you-next-Tuesday.

  • A Guy Who Still Uses The Word "Chillax"

    PRO: He's out of touch with reality, living in the past and lacks any and all self-awareness. In other words, a match made in heaven. CON: To compete, Biden would become the guy who still says "hella."

  • Rosie From "The Jetsons"

    PRO: Works long hours, gets the job done with impressive efficiency and holds the secret to flying cars. CON: Rumors have long swirled about her sexual affair with The Great Gazoo.

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