Anthony Bourdain isn't one to hide his contempt for anyone or anything, but the "No Reservations" host keeps things to a wink and a nod in the following clip featuring him reading aloud an excerpt from "Jersey Shore" star Nicole Polizza's book, A Shore Thing.

Truth be told, we're not sure why exactly Bourdain chose this passage for the video, which he recorded in apology for his absence at the first anniversary celebration for Manhattan ice cream shop, Big Gay Ice Cream. But, like all wonderful things on the internet, we're not going to question it.

Without further ado, Bourdain performing a very "Snooki" monologue.

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