Anthony Bourdain isn't one to hide his contempt for anyone or anything, but the "No Reservations" host keeps things to a wink and a nod in the following clip featuring him reading aloud an excerpt from "Jersey Shore" star Nicole Polizza's book, A Shore Thing.

Truth be told, we're not sure why exactly Bourdain chose this passage for the video, which he recorded in apology for his absence at the first anniversary celebration for Manhattan ice cream shop, Big Gay Ice Cream. But, like all wonderful things on the internet, we're not going to question it.

Without further ado, Bourdain performing a very "Snooki" monologue.

Also on HuffPost:

Loading Slideshow...
  • Conan in Cheetos

    Conan in Cheetos? The orange mural is oddly dead-on... must be the ruddy hair. The work was supposed to be unveiled on Conan's ill-fated NBC program, "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien," but it was axed amid the ensuing late night wars. It still <a href="http://www.gazette.com/entertainment/cheesy-92837-conan-really.html" target="_hplink">lives on in internet glory</a>, though.

  • Rachael Ray in Pasta

    Artist Jason Mecier is a mural artist who works in interesting mediums. Here's Food network star Rachael Ray rendered in pasta. See more of Mecier's wacky food-inspired work <a href="http://www.jasonmecier.com/food.html" target="_hplink">here</a>.

  • Justin Beiber in Pancake

    Here's one way to encourage teen girls to eat breakfast: <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/11/celebrity-pancake-portraits_n_1088520.html?ref=weird-news&ir=Weird News#s467559&title=Justin_Bieber" target="_hplink">Justin Bieber pancakes</a>! It's the work of artist Katherine Kalnes, who's also rendered celebs like Stephen Colbert, Kelly Ripa and Ellen Degeneres in pancake form.

  • Lady Gaga in Cheese Spread

    Lady Gaga? More like Lady Gouda: UK food artist Faye Halliday's immortalizes pop star <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/29/justin-bieber-cheese-portrait_n_987405.html#s381019&title=Lady_Gouda_" target="_hplink">Lady Gaga in squeezy cheese</a>, a British soft cheese product in a tube. She's also squeezed out the likenesses of other stars, like Justin Bieber, Marilyn Monroe, President Obama and others.

  • Billy Cosby in Jell-O Shot

    Artist Andrew Salamone decided to celebrate Bill Cosby's birthday in 2009 with, what else, a <a href="http://www.geekologie.com/2009/07/cosby-shots-bill-cosby-in-jell.php" target="_hplink">portrait of the comedian in Jell-O shots</a>! Considering Cosby was a Jell-O spokesman for more than 30 years, it seems fitting.

  • Obama and Lincoln in Cupcakes

    What's most impressive about this installation? Is it the scale, the ephemerality, the deliciousness? Buffalo pastry artist traveled to D.C. in 2009 to <a href="http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/14/tastiest-obama-lincoln-comparison-ever/" target="_hplink">re-create the two presidents in 5,600 cupcakes</a> at the Smithsonian American Art Museum. <em>Photo by Flickr user <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/outtacontext/3281592536/sizes/o/in/photostream/" target="_hplink">outtacontext</a>.</em>

  • Morgan Spurlock In Fast Food

    Remember documentary filmmaker Morgan Spurlock's 2004 movie "Super Size Me"? Here's the poster, done in ketchup and French fries as a speed painting.

  • Simon Cowell in Marmite on Toast

    Here's everyone's favorite grumpy judge, Simon Cowell, getting the old <a href="http://www.inspirefusion.com/celebrity-painting-on-toasts/" target="_hplink">toast n' Marmite treatment</a> by artist Welsh Nathan Wyburn, who created is as part of a campaign for the opening of a Costa Coffee oupost.

  • Obama in Cereal

    Artists Hank Willis Thomas and Ryan Alexiev created this image depicting President Obama, titled <a href="http://www.cerealart.com/shopexd.asp?id=506" target="_hplink">"Breakfast of Champion,"</a> entirely in cereal.

  • Will and Kate in Pizza

    Ahead of their elaborate and much-hyped nuptials, Will and Kate were the <a href="http://www.eonline.com/news/royal_slice_of_life_kate_middleton/236994" target="_hplink">subject of this pizza artwork</a> commissioned by Papa John's. Their faces are made with chunks of ham!