If you are already sick of hearing about Apple and its Big Important iPhone Event, you essentially have two options to help you get through the day:

1. Turn off your computer and go outside.
2. Get really, really drunk until you can't hear the difference between "Apple" and "Android."

We're not going to tell you which path to take, only that we have prepared a little drinking game for you, which all of you legal-aged drinkers can follow along with to ease the tedium and barrage of Apple news that is as inevitable as an Apple executive proclaiming that something "just works."

Now, Apple will not be live-streaming the event -- if only they produced some sort of device with a camera that could record video and connect to the Internet! -- but if you're following along online, you can still participate, as approximately the entire Internet will be live-blogging and live-tweeting the whole thing. (But don't actually participate, because if you do, you'll probably find yourself hugging the toilet before Tim Cook even takes the stage).

And now, without further ado: The Apple iPhone 5 Event Drinking Game. Ladies and gentlemen: Prepare your shot glasses...

EVENTACTION
Tim Cook introduces a new iPhone.Drink.
Tim Cook introduces a new iMac.Drink.
Tim Cook introduces the representative from Wisconsin's first district, and our next vice president, Mr. Paul Ryan!Finish the bottle.
An Apple exec takes a snide dig at Samsung.Drink.
A Samsung exec retaliates with a snide dig at Apple. Two drinks.
Apple sues Samsung, as Apple Inc. was awarded an exclusive patent on snide digs in 2004.Don't drink, Apple has a patent on that, too.
Your Android-loving friend tells you his Android is better.Drink.
Your BlackBerry-loving friend tells you his BlackBerry is better.Big drink.
Your Windows Phone-loving friend tells you his Windows Phone is better.Drinks are on your friend, I hear Microsoft pays really well.
Tim Cook: "This is the best iPhone we've ever released."Drink.
Tim Cook: "This is -- let's be honest -- the third or fourth best iPhone we've ever released. It's certainly no 3GS, am I right, ladies??"Drink the best drink of your life.
Apple exec uses the word..."revolutionary"Take a revolutionary drink of your beer.
"seamless"Seamlessly drink your beer.
"It just works"You just drink your beer.
"post-PC"Post-drink your post-beer.
"experience"Enjoy your beer experience by drinking your beer.
Tim Cook brings out Scott Forstall.Drink.
Tim Cook brings out Phil Schiller.Drink.
Tim Cook brings out anyone with two X chromosomes.You're watching the wrong channel.
The iTunes Store goes down.Nothing, that always happens.
It doesn't come back up.Now THAT you an drink for.
Apple execs surprise everyone and unveil the iPad Mini.Two drinks.
Apple execs surprise everyone and unveil the Apple Television. Five drinks.
Apple execs surprise everyone and do the entire presentation naked. All the booze you've got.
An Apple exec asks Siri a question on stage. "Do you want some beer, Siri?"
Siri delivers a flawless response."I didn't find any results. Would you like to search the web for 'yuan sombrero'?"
After the event: "Apple's Run On Top Is OVER."Drink.
After the event: "Apple Will Be Dominant For Another 12 Years."Big drink.
After the event: "Is THIS The iPhone 6?"Drink, then chug, then pass US the bottle, for God's sake.

For more coverage on today's event, have a look at our roundups of everything we expect Apple to announce and how to follow the unveilings live. You can view all our coverage of Apple's iPhone event on our big news page.

Related on HuffPost:

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  • An Associated Press reporter holds the Apple EarPods during a product review in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

  • The Apple EarPods are shown during a product review in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

  • Apple unveils new iPhone model

    Technology giant Apple has unveiled a raft of updated products including the latest model of its new iPhone. The iPhone 5, which weighs in at 112 grammes, has a 4in screen - half an inch bigger than previous models, at Kings Place, Central London.

  • Apple unveils new iPhone model

    Technology giant Apple has unveiled a raft of updated products including the latest model of its new iPhone. The iPhone 5, which weighs in at 112 grammes, has a 4in screen - half an inch bigger than previous models, at Kings Place, Central London.

  • Apple unveils new iPhone model

    Technology giant Apple has unveiled a raft of updated products including the latest model of its new iPhone. The iPhone 5, which weighs in at 112 grammes, has a 4in screen - half an inch bigger than previous models, at Kings Place, Central London.

  • Apple unveils new iPhone model

    Technology giant Apple has unveiled a raft of updated products including the latest model of its new iPhone. The iPhone 5, which weighs in at 112 grammes, has a 4in screen - half an inch bigger than previous models, at Kings Place, Central London.

  • Apple unveils new iPhone model

    Technology giant Apple has unveiled a raft of updated products including the latest model of its new iPhone. The iPhone 5, which weighs in at 112 grammes, has a 4in screen - half an inch bigger than previous models, at Kings Place, Central London.

  • Apple unveils new iPhone model

    Technology giant Apple has unveiled a raft of updated products including the latest model of its new iPhone. The iPhone 5, which weighs in at 112 grammes, has a 4in screen - half an inch bigger than previous models, at Kings Place, Central London.

  • Apple unveils new iPhone model

    Technology giant Apple has unveiled a raft of updated products including the latest model of its new iPhone. The iPhone 5, which weighs in at 112 grammes, has a 4in screen - half an inch bigger than previous models, at Kings Place, Central London.

  • Apple unveils new iPhone model

    Technology giant Apple has unveiled a raft of updated products including the latest model of its new iPhone. The iPhone 5, which weighs in at 112 grammes, has a 4in screen - half an inch bigger than previous models, at Kings Place, Central London.

  • The new Apple iPhone 5 is displayed Wednesday Sept. 12, 2012 following the introduction of new products in San Francisco. The iPhone 5 is a blend of beauty, utility and versatility. (AP Photo/Eric Risberg)

  • Apple unveils new iPhone model

    Technology giant Apple has unveiled a raft of updated products including the latest model of its new iPhone. The iPhone 5, which weighs in at 112 grammes, has a 4in screen - half an inch bigger than previous models, at Kings Place, Central London.

  • Apple unveils new iPhone model

    Technology giant Apple has unveiled a raft of updated products including the latest model of its new iPhone. The iPhone 5, which weighs in at 112 grammes, has a 4in screen - half an inch bigger than previous models, at Kings Place, Central London.

  • Apple unveils new iPhone model

    Technology giant Apple has unveiled a raft of updated products including the latest model of its new iPhone. The iPhone 5, which weighs in at 112 grammes, has a 4in screen - half an inch bigger than previous models, at Kings Place, Central London.

  • Apple unveils new iPhone model

    Technology giant Apple has unveiled a raft of updated products including the latest model of its new iPhone. The iPhone 5, which weighs in at 112 grammes, has a 4in screen - half an inch bigger than previous models, at Kings Place, Central London.

  • Apple unveils new iPhone model

    Technology giant Apple has unveiled a raft of updated products including the latest model of its new iPhone. The iPhone 5, which weighs in at 112 grammes, has a 4in screen - half an inch bigger than previous models, at Kings Place, Central London.

  • Apple Introduces iPhone 5

    SAN FRANCISCO, CA - SEPTEMBER 12: The new iPhone 5 is displayed during an Apple special event at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts on September 12, 2012 in San Francisco, California. Apple announced the iPhone 5, the latest version of the popular smart phone. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

  • Apple Introduces iPhone 5

    SAN FRANCISCO, CA - SEPTEMBER 12: Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide product marketing Phil Schiller announces the new iPhone 5 during an Apple special event at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts on September 12, 2012 in San Francisco, California. Apple announced the iPhone 5, the latest version of the popular smart phone. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

  • Apple Introduces iPhone 5

    SAN FRANCISCO, CA - SEPTEMBER 12: The new iPhone 5 is displayed during an Apple special event at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts on September 12, 2012 in San Francisco, California. Apple announced the iPhone 5, the latest version of the popular smart phone. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

  • <a href="http://www.engadget.com/2012/09/12/apple-iphone-5-liveblog/" target="_hplink">Courtesy of Engadget.</a>

  • <a href="http://www.engadget.com/2012/09/12/apple-iphone-5-liveblog/" target="_hplink">Courtesy of Engadget.</a>

  • <a href="http://www.engadget.com/2012/09/12/apple-iphone-5-liveblog/" target="_hplink">Courtesy of Engadget.</a>

  • <a href="http://www.engadget.com/2012/09/12/apple-iphone-5-liveblog/" target="_hplink">Courtesy of Engadget.</a>

  • Apple Introduces iPhone 5

    SAN FRANCISCO, CA - SEPTEMBER 12: Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide product marketing Phil Schiller announces the new iPhone 5 during an Apple special event at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts on September 12, 2012 in San Francisco, California. Apple announced the iPhone 5, the latest version of the popular smart phone. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

  • Phil Schiller

    Phil Schiller, Apple's senior vice president of worldwide marketing, speaks on stage during an introduction of the new iPhone 5 at an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Eric Risberg)

  • The iPhone 5 is shown during an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

  • Phil Schiller

    Phil Schiller, Apple's senior vice president of worldwide marketing, speaks on stage during an introduction of the new iPhone 5 at an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Eric Risberg)

  • Apple Introduces iPhone 5

    SAN FRANCISCO, CA - SEPTEMBER 12: Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide product marketing Phil Schiller announces the new iPhone 5 during an Apple special event at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts on September 12, 2012 in San Francisco, California. Apple announced the iPhone 5, the latest version of the popular smart phone. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

  • Apple Introduces iPhone 5

    SAN FRANCISCO, CA - SEPTEMBER 12: Apple CEO Tim Cook speaks during an Apple special event at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts on September 12, 2012 in San Francisco, California. Apple announced the iPhone 5, the latest version of the popular smart phone. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

  • Phil Schiller

    Phil Schiller, Apple's senior vice president of worldwide marketing, speaks about camera quality of the iPhone 5 during an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

  • Phil Schiller

    Phil Schiller, Apple's senior vice president of worldwide marketing, speaks on stage during an introduction of the new iPhone 5 at an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Eric Risberg)

  • Tim Cook

    Apple CEO Tim Cook talks on stage during the introduction of the new iPhone 5 in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Eric Risberg)

  • Phil Schiller

    Phil Schiller, Apple's senior vice president of worldwide marketing, gives prices of the iPhone 5 during an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

  • The Foo Fighters perform during an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

  • Phil Schiller

    Phil Schiller, Apple's senior vice president of worldwide marketing, speaks on stage about new connectivity options during an introduction of the new iPhone 5 in San Francisco, Wednesday Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Eric Risberg)

  • Greg Joswiak

    CORRECTS ID TO GREG JOSWIAK, NOT EDDY CUE - Greg Joswiak, Apple’s vice president of Hardware Product Marketing, speaks about EarPods during an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

  • Tim Cook

    Apple CEO Tim Cook speaks in front of an image of the iPhone 5 during an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

  • Tim Cook

    Apple CEO Tim Cook speaks during an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

  • The Foo Fighters perform during an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

  • Phil Schiller

    Phil Schiller, Apple's senior vice president of worldwide marketing, gives release dates of the iPhone 5 during an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

  • Phil Schiller

    Phil Schiller, Apple's senior vice president of worldwide marketing, speaks on stage about the introduction of a new operating system during an introduction of the new iPhone 5 in San Francisco, Wednesday Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Eric Risberg)

  • Phil Schiller

    Phil Schiller, Apple's senior vice president of worldwide marketing, speaks on stage about new connectivity options during an introduction of the new iPhone 5 in San Francisco, Wednesday Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Eric Risberg)

  • Phil Schiller

    Phil Schiller, Apple's senior vice president of worldwide marketing, speaks on stage about new connectivity features during an introduction of the new iPhone 5 in San Francisco, Wednesday Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Eric Risberg)

  • Phil Schiller

    Phil Schiller, Apple's senior vice president of worldwide marketing, talks about the features of the new camera and iSight during an introduction of the new iPhone 5 at an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Eric Risberg)

  • Phil Schiller

    Phil Schiller, Apple's senior vice president of worldwide marketing, speaks about camera quality of the iPhone 5 during an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

  • Phil Schiller

    Phil Schiller, Apple's senior vice president of worldwide marketing, speaks in front of an image of the iPhone 5 during an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

  • Phil Schiller

    Phil Schiller, Apple's senior vice president of worldwide marketing, speaks in front of an image of the iPhone 5 during an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

  • Tim Cook

    Apple CEO Tim Cook speaks in front of an image of an iPad during an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

  • Phil Schiller

    Phil Schiller, Apple's senior vice president of worldwide marketing, speaks on stage during an introduction of the new iPhone 5 at an Apple event in San Francisco, Wednesday Sept. 12, 2012. (AP Photo/Eric Risberg)

  • Apple iPhone

  • Apple Introduces iPhone 5

    SAN FRANCISCO, CA - SEPTEMBER 12: Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide product marketing Phil Schiller announces the new iPhone 5 during an Apple special event at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts on September 12, 2012 in San Francisco, California. Apple announced the iPhone 5, the latest version of the popular smart phone. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)