Remember the Internet? Did you know it was around all the way back in the '90s... and that people used it to watch porn? It's true. And Playboy Magazine was at the forefront of this kinky new technological advancement with it's "Girls Of The Internet" series.
Now, thanks to the fine people at DeeprUnderstanding, you can enjoy a naughty-bits-free look at the world that once was, through the eyes of the babes that once were.
Warning: this video contains sexy music and suggestive 8-bit graphics. Proceed with caution.
Monica Lewinsky Jokes
There are only so many things you can rhyme with "black beret."
The Blair Witch Project
Although we do miss the sound our palms made against our foreheads whenever someone asked, "Is this real?"
When someone asks us to fax something today, we panic. That is, until we realize that scanners and PDFs exist.
Britney Spears' Virginity
Some things, in retrospect, are too distressing to remember.
What did we really keep in those extra pockets, anyway?
Embarrassing hobby used "Embarrassing." It was super effective.
The Phantom Menace
Came out in 1999, still counts as a 90s mistake.
The fact that she has a <a href="https://twitter.com/Courtney/" target="_hplink">Twitter account</a> is bad enough.
Old Destiny's Child
Beyonce is better as a single lady.
Thanks to 90s TV, aunties the world over still believe that every homosexual has a childlike obsession with Cher.
Only cute if you're half-painting a room.
Parents lost their money $5 at a time and kids inherited a future yard sale. Nobody really came out on top here except Ty.
Although we did get some joy out of watching little suburban "badasses" sing a George Michael song without realizing it.
If we could describe the 90s in one word it would be "floppy."
Who misses waiting minutes for pages to load, having to hear that weird start-up noise and not being able to receive phone calls while surfing the web? Also, who misses saying, "surfing the web?"
War in Iraq
We prefer to remember Hasselhoff as he was in "Knight Rider" and then just skip right to the cheeseburger-eating 2000's version.
Remembering them is bad enough, but how about the fact that they're still being sold <a href="http://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_nkw=jnco" target="_hplink">for actual human currency</a>?
Even <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/18/jennifer-aniston-hated-the-rachel_n_810229.html" target="_hplink">Jennifer Aniston</a> hated it.
Cowry Shell Necklaces
You never went to Hawaii, just American Eagle.
Future civilizations are going to be baffled by the importance that was placed on these little circles of cardboard. And don't even get us started on slammers.
They should take a page out of Nickelback's book and <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/22/nickelback-responds-to-nfl-petition-video_n_1108279.html" target="_hplink">enlist Funny Or Die</a> to make them appear at least <em>ironically</em> good.
Once a year at a wedding is as much as we can handle.
Gel Pens Being Exciting
We were so easily impressed.
Ace of Base
Unless "The Sign" said, "You'll never have to hear 'The Sign' on the radio again," we're uninterested.
Bagginess and extra fabric were the bane of 90s fashions. Exhibit A: the scrunchie.
Eyes Wide Shut
Well maybe not the movie, but the relationship between Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman.
The Aladdin Cartoon
Needless to say, this cartoon didn't make it "One Jump Ahead" (*crickets*)
Arithmetic + rock and roll = nope.