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10 Dumbest Excuses for Political Sex Scandals

First Posted: 10/12/2012 6:50 pm Updated: 10/17/2012 9:07 am Not Reality. Actuality.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Our friends at TruTV have found the lamest excuses uttered by politicians embroiled in sex scandals.

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  • Mark Sanford

    Hiking the Appalachian Trail. Said a staffer: “I apologize for taking so long to send this update, and was waiting to see if a more definitive idea of what part of the Trail he was on before we did so.”

  • Kwame Kilpatrick

    “I cheated on my wife and I lied about it. The maturity I didn’t have was how to balance that job with family and spirituality… [I was] hard headed. I didn’t realize that until I was sitting in solitary confinement.” Kilpatrick exchanged an endless stream of text messages with city official Christine Beatty, who was also married at the time. Kilpatrick, then the Mayor of Detroit, covered up the affair, and after lying about it in court, plead guilty to two counts of obstruction of justice, resigned, and served four months in prison.

  • Larry Craig

    “(I have) a wide stance when going to the bathroom,” the Senator said, in response to his arrest for propositioning an undercover cop by tapping his foot in an airport bathroom. Craig was allowed to finish his term in the Senate but has rarely been heard from since.

  • Barney Frank

    House of Representatives member, Democratic Congressman for nearly 30 years, and the first openly gay member of the House, Barney Frank, was pretty awesome… until he had an affair with Steve Gobie, a male prostitute, in 1989. While Frank was single at the time, he still paid for sex, which was illegal in his state of Massachusetts. But then Frank also hired the prostitute to run errands and live at his home… where Gobie kept on working as a prostitute. Nope, he’s not working here as a prostitute, he’s just my pool boy.

  • Eliot Spitzer

    Wait, what’s this? Gremlins? “There are no excuses,” Spitzer told Matt Lauer. “I have tried to address these gremlins; confront them. What I did was an egregious violation of trust to my family, to my colleagues, to the state, and I’ve paid a price and appropriately so.” Well, at least he didn’t make excuses, right?

  • Bill Clinton

    “That depends on what your definition of ‘is’ is.”

  • John Ensign

    “While I stand behind my firm belief that I have not violated any law, rule, or standard of conduct of the Senate, and I have fought to prove this publicly, I will not continue to subject my family, my constituents, or the Senate to any further rounds of investigation, depositions, drawn out proceedings, or especially public hearings. For my family and me, this continued personal cost is simply too great.” In other words, I am innocent but would rather look guilty than have the Feds look through my trash folder.

  • David Vitter

    “Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling. Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there with God and them.” I’m a public figure, but my possible involvement in illegal prostitution and diaper-wearing is none of your business because I invoke Jesus.

  • John Edwards

    “I have no idea what you’re asking about. I’ve responded, consistently, to these tabloid allegations by saying I don’t respond to these lies and you know that… and I stand by that.” That’s ex-Senator Edwards, telling the press that allegations he had fathered his mistress’ love child were hogwash. A few months later, he admitted he had fathered the love child while his wife was dying of cancer.

  • Anthony Weiner

    “Tivo shot. FB hacked. Is my blender gonna attack me next? #TheToasterIsVeryLoyal” Representative Weiner tried to convince us he had just Tweeted a picture of his crotch because a hacker had actually posted it, but at a press conference a few days later, he admitted to sending the photo, having online relationships with six women (not including his wife), and being a dumbass.

  • BONUS: Silvio Berlusconi

    “Better to have a passion for beautiful women than to be gay.” That’s the then-married then-Italian Prime Minister telling a friend that, hey, it was okay to host orgies at his villa that may have included hookers and teenage girls because… well, you read the dumb quote.

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Filed by Simon McCormack  |  Report Corrections