If you haven't already gotten your home decked out in the finest Halloween decor money can buy, what on earth are you waiting for? Certainly, you must have no shortage of seasonal shops offering all manner of plastic oddities to junk up your front porch (or studio apartment).

But perhaps you want something a little more particular, a little more handmade, a little more Etsy-fabulous. If so, then there's not a moment to spare. Click through this slideshow of some of the most WTF pieces of Halloween garbage we could find, all lovingly made by weirdos with time to kill skilled artisans. We're sure you'll find just the thing to literally scare away all the children in your neighborhood. (Plus, one or two of them are actually really creepy.)

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  • Handpainted Black Crows

    These are definitely crows.

  • "Bloody Dark Angel Halloween Decoration"

    That was your nana's favorite angel, you monster.

  • "Halloween Decoration Crow In Hat"

    Sure, crows wear hats.

  • "Pumpkin Queen Halloween Fall Decoration Handcrafted Doll"

    The queen has really let herself go.

  • "The Hopping Dead Frog"

    The pun makes it all worth while.

  • "Halloween Hanging Zombie"

    You really can do anything with yarn and moxie.

  • "Two-Headed Skeleton Art Print"

    Nothing scarier than an "art print."

  • Skeleton Angel

    Is this a skeleton that went to heaven or an angel that fell from heaven? The mind reels.

  • "Vintage Halloween Inspired Paper Pulp Pumpkin Person Car Handmade Sculpture"

    Even those owls in the background are wondering WTF this is.

  • "Mr. Clic-Clack"

    What even is this?

  • "Halloween Elephant Trick Or Treat In The Pumpkin Patch"

    The outfit says FUN, but that intense stare says BUSINESS.

  • "Halloween Door Decor"

    Let's all guess how much this costs. If you didn't guess $40, you are incorrect.

  • "Halloween Cyclops Monster"

    We really want to know what his teeth are made out of.

  • "Three Mummies In A Pie Tin"

    Are these mummies or voodoo dolls?

  • "Art Doll Pumpkin Lady Halloween"

    This is terrifying.

  • "Sad Creepy Clown Ornament"

    We want 800 of these.

  • "Grandpa Was A Ghoul, Creepy Altered Victorian Print"

    This was probably creepier before.

  • "Guillotine Headless Man French Revolution"

    For a fancier Halloween, go with a French theme.

  • "Eyeball Gourd Halloween Decoration Christmas Ornament "

    Halloween ornaments are definitely a thing.

  • "Zombie Baseball Halloween Decorations"

    Clearly, this is what happened to the Red Sox.

  • "Grungy Folkart Halloween Mummy Dolls"

    We're sort of lost on this one.

  • "Skeleton Halloween Decorations"

    He's so over it.

  • "Goofy Monster Holding A White Pumpkin"

    How much for the paper towel he's sitting on?

  • "Halloween Primitive Chenille Ornaments"

    Why is the guy on the left so mad?

  • Skull Art Print

    Yeah, you know, just like you always wanted.

  • "Halloween Ornament Art Doll Decoration Jaycee Island of the Misfit Orphans"

    Ok, that's upsetting.

  • "Halloween Bottle Brush Tree"


  • "Gothic Art Halloween Decoration Doll Melissa"

    Proof that not everything with big eyes is adorable.

  • "Air Plant In Rat Ornament"

    No. Just no.

  • Two Boo Spoons

    If you're painting on spoons, something has gone wrong in your life.

  • "Creepy Ghost Wall Hanging Ornament Art Doll Scary Halloween Shrunken Head"

    This probably comes with smallpox.

  • "Dark Baby Fairy Mouse"

    Oh, happy day! Your Dark Baby Fairy Mouse has arrived! Everyone will be so jealous.

  • Reanimated Corpse

    We never got into the whole shrunken head craze.

  • "Whimsical Skull Halloween Decoration"

    It's whimsical, you see.

  • "Halloween FolkArt Gourd Ghost Ornament"

    What did gourds ever do to you?

  • "Spooky Cute Zombie Gingerbread Man Halloween Alternative Christmas Decoration Necklace"

    Hasn't the Gingerbread Man been through enough?

  • "Zombie Bear Pattern"

    Rough day, bear?

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  • "Sexy" Burt & Ernie Costumes

    On second thought, maybe they <em>should</em> cut funding to PBS.

  • "Ring Toss" Costume

    The hat that says "Winner gets a free ride" is pretty much the worst.

  • The Nip Slip

    Is it still a "slip" if you do it on purpose?

  • Condom Dispenser

    At least he's promoting safe sex.

  • Female Inflatable Doll

    Yeah... This could get awkward.

  • Walking Sex

    Now you can make people uncomfortable all night long.

  • "Anna Rexia" Costume

    Because eating disorders are meant to be portrayed as sexy and hilarious, right?

  • Just A Penis

    Word to the wise: make sure you take your penis costume for a trial run at the local library before hitting the sidewalk.

  • Giant Boob

    At least he knows what he is.

  • Google Boobs

    Feeling lucky?

  • Middle Finger

    Facial expression not included.

  • "Anita Sedative" Costume

    When you're wearing a sexy costume to a Halloween party, it's probably a good idea to stay away from sedatives and not bring your own restraints.

  • "Happy Morning" Costume

    It's not surprising that this one's on clearance for $7.99.

  • Pussy Magnet

    We sort of feel like this guy wasn't looking for cats.

  • Holy Sh*t

    Don't worry, there are more dirty puns where that came from.

  • Free Mammograms

    As long as there's no copay.

  • Mangina

    If you wear this, it's the closest you'll come to seeing one that night.

  • Naked Grandmother

    Why is the blacked-out tooth part of it?

  • "The Shocker" Costume

    Make sure you include the hand gestures so you get the point across that you're a complete douche.

  • Tampax


  • Heartbreak Clown Thong

    Dressing up as a heartbroken clown has never been ... sexier?

  • Sexy American Indian

    Pocahantas didn't even dress this sexy.

  • "Dept. Of Erections" Costume

    For a con, he looks pretty pleased with himself.

  • "Beastiality" Costume

    No more beer for this guy.

  • Poop

    Looking like sh*t has never been so cute.

  • Banana Flasher

    Of all the costumes that scream "I have a penis!" this has got to be the most frightening.

  • "Droopers" Costume

    Would you take a shot with this guy?

  • "Sperm Man" Costume

    We don't even want to know what his superpowers are.

  • The 69

    For those mischief-makers who enjoy holding plastic props to their bodies all night long.

  • A Knight To Remember


  • ???

    Just in case you wanted to dress up as "WTF" this Halloween.

  • The "Biggest Show On Earth"

    Nothing says class like wearing a circus tent on your crotch. (Thanks for the tip, Karen!)

  • "Country Lovin"

    The commercial version is so much more disturbing than the homemade version.

  • Used Pad Man

    Steady blood flow, meet steady alcohol flow.

  • Trash Can Baby

    He has low self-esteem.

  • Birthing Woman

    Now your roommates know why you've been practicing your birth face in the mirror for so long.

  • Franzia

    Wine in a box continues its tradition of being the least romantic thing ever.

  • Hung Like A Horse

    Real subtle.

  • Vibrator


  • Toilet Time

    These guys must really, really love each other.

  • Penis Man

    In case anyone was wondering why Spencer's Gifts was sold out of mock penises this year.

  • Sexy Etch-A-Sketch

    We feel like this is going to end in some shaking accidents later in the night.

  • The Human Centipede

    Halloween couldn't be complete this year without a good old-fashioned Human Centipede costume.

  • Vagina Dentata

    A feminist twist on the ubiquitous vagina-head costume worn by frat boys everywhere.

  • Unkempt Lifeguard?


  • "Zombie Fetus" Costume

    When you decide to pull off an extremely creepy costume, it's best to let your attitude match it. Yeah, it's a dead baby but she's cool with it.

  • Beer Dispensing Boobs

    Let's see the St. Pauly Girl do this.

  • "Rub Me" Genie

    More like Alad-<em>don't</em>.

  • Hitler?!

    We've seen homemade Hitler costumes before (which are also ridiculous) but this commercial version just blows us away.

  • Snake Charmer

    Sometimes, knocking over every beer in front of you is a necessary sacrifice for the perfect sexual innuendo costume.

  • Furries??

    We're not quite sure what these are...but we have a feeling they're NSFW.