If you haven't already gotten your home decked out in the finest Halloween decor money can buy, what on earth are you waiting for? Certainly, you must have no shortage of seasonal shops offering all manner of plastic oddities to junk up your front porch (or studio apartment).
But perhaps you want something a little more particular, a little more handmade, a little more Etsy-fabulous. If so, then there's not a moment to spare. Click through this slideshow of some of the most WTF pieces of Halloween garbage we could find, all lovingly made by
weirdos with time to kill skilled artisans. We're sure you'll find just the thing to literally scare away all the children in your neighborhood. (Plus, one or two of them are actually really creepy.)
Handpainted Black Crows
These are definitely crows.
"Bloody Dark Angel Halloween Decoration"
That was your nana's favorite angel, you monster.
"Halloween Decoration Crow In Hat"
Sure, crows wear hats.
"Pumpkin Queen Halloween Fall Decoration Handcrafted Doll"
The queen has really let herself go.
"The Hopping Dead Frog"
The pun makes it all worth while.
"Halloween Hanging Zombie"
You really can do anything with yarn and moxie.
"Two-Headed Skeleton Art Print"
Nothing scarier than an "art print."
Is this a skeleton that went to heaven or an angel that fell from heaven? The mind reels.
"Vintage Halloween Inspired Paper Pulp Pumpkin Person Car Handmade Sculpture"
Even those owls in the background are wondering WTF this is.
What even is this?
"Halloween Elephant Trick Or Treat In The Pumpkin Patch"
The outfit says FUN, but that intense stare says BUSINESS.
"Halloween Door Decor"
Let's all guess how much this costs. If you didn't guess $40, you are incorrect.
"Halloween Cyclops Monster"
We really want to know what his teeth are made out of.
"Three Mummies In A Pie Tin"
Are these mummies or voodoo dolls?
"Art Doll Pumpkin Lady Halloween"
This is terrifying.
"Sad Creepy Clown Ornament"
We want 800 of these.
"Grandpa Was A Ghoul, Creepy Altered Victorian Print"
This was probably creepier before.
"Guillotine Headless Man French Revolution"
For a fancier Halloween, go with a French theme.
"Eyeball Gourd Halloween Decoration Christmas Ornament "
Halloween ornaments are definitely a thing.
"Zombie Baseball Halloween Decorations"
Clearly, this is what happened to the Red Sox.
"Grungy Folkart Halloween Mummy Dolls"
We're sort of lost on this one.
"Skeleton Halloween Decorations"
He's so over it.
"Goofy Monster Holding A White Pumpkin"
How much for the paper towel he's sitting on?
"Halloween Primitive Chenille Ornaments"
Why is the guy on the left so mad?
Skull Art Print
Yeah, you know, just like you always wanted.
"Halloween Ornament Art Doll Decoration Jaycee Island of the Misfit Orphans"
Ok, that's upsetting.
"Halloween Bottle Brush Tree"
"Gothic Art Halloween Decoration Doll Melissa"
Proof that not everything with big eyes is adorable.
"Air Plant In Rat Ornament"
No. Just no.
Two Boo Spoons
If you're painting on spoons, something has gone wrong in your life.
"Creepy Ghost Wall Hanging Ornament Art Doll Scary Halloween Shrunken Head"
This probably comes with smallpox.
"Dark Baby Fairy Mouse"
Oh, happy day! Your Dark Baby Fairy Mouse has arrived! Everyone will be so jealous.
We never got into the whole shrunken head craze.
"Whimsical Skull Halloween Decoration"
It's whimsical, you see.
"Halloween FolkArt Gourd Ghost Ornament"
What did gourds ever do to you?
"Spooky Cute Zombie Gingerbread Man Halloween Alternative Christmas Decoration Necklace"
Hasn't the Gingerbread Man been through enough?
"Zombie Bear Pattern"
Rough day, bear?
Also on HuffPost:
"Sexy" Burt & Ernie Costumes
On second thought, maybe they <em>should</em> cut funding to PBS.
"Ring Toss" Costume
The hat that says "Winner gets a free ride" is pretty much the worst.
The Nip Slip
Is it still a "slip" if you do it on purpose?
At least he's promoting safe sex.
Female Inflatable Doll
Yeah... This could get awkward.
Now you can make people uncomfortable all night long.
"Anna Rexia" Costume
Because eating disorders are meant to be portrayed as sexy and hilarious, right?
Just A Penis
Word to the wise: make sure you take your penis costume for a trial run at the local library before hitting the sidewalk.
At least he knows what he is.
Facial expression not included.
"Anita Sedative" Costume
When you're wearing a sexy costume to a Halloween party, it's probably a good idea to stay away from sedatives and not bring your own restraints.
"Happy Morning" Costume
It's not surprising that this one's on clearance for $7.99.
We sort of feel like this guy wasn't looking for cats.
Don't worry, there are more dirty puns where that came from.
As long as there's no copay.
If you wear this, it's the closest you'll come to seeing one that night.
Why is the blacked-out tooth part of it?
"The Shocker" Costume
Make sure you include the hand gestures so you get the point across that you're a complete douche.
Heartbreak Clown Thong
Dressing up as a heartbroken clown has never been ... sexier?
Sexy American Indian
Pocahantas didn't even dress this sexy.
"Dept. Of Erections" Costume
For a con, he looks pretty pleased with himself.
No more beer for this guy.
Looking like sh*t has never been so cute.
Of all the costumes that scream "I have a penis!" this has got to be the most frightening.
Would you take a shot with this guy?
"Sperm Man" Costume
We don't even want to know what his superpowers are.
For those mischief-makers who enjoy holding plastic props to their bodies all night long.
A Knight To Remember
Just in case you wanted to dress up as "WTF" this Halloween.
The "Biggest Show On Earth"
Nothing says class like wearing a circus tent on your crotch. (Thanks for the tip, Karen!)
The commercial version is so much more disturbing than the homemade version.
Used Pad Man
Steady blood flow, meet steady alcohol flow.
Trash Can Baby
He has low self-esteem.
Now your roommates know why you've been practicing your birth face in the mirror for so long.
Wine in a box continues its tradition of being the least romantic thing ever.
Hung Like A Horse
These guys must really, really love each other.
In case anyone was wondering why Spencer's Gifts was sold out of mock penises this year.
We feel like this is going to end in some shaking accidents later in the night.
The Human Centipede
Halloween couldn't be complete this year without a good old-fashioned Human Centipede costume.
A feminist twist on the ubiquitous vagina-head costume worn by frat boys everywhere.
"Zombie Fetus" Costume
When you decide to pull off an extremely creepy costume, it's best to let your attitude match it. Yeah, it's a dead baby but she's cool with it.
Beer Dispensing Boobs
Let's see the St. Pauly Girl do this.
"Rub Me" Genie
More like Alad-<em>don't</em>.
We've seen homemade Hitler costumes before (which are also ridiculous) but this commercial version just blows us away.
Sometimes, knocking over every beer in front of you is a necessary sacrifice for the perfect sexual innuendo costume.
We're not quite sure what these are...but we have a feeling they're NSFW.