WASHINGTON -- Just days ago, the White House "We The People" online petition tool became the venue of sour grape-chewing secession enthusiasts, who took to the website to ask that their states be allowed to secede for reasons that ranged from "the local government of Mobile, Ala., took away my topless carwash" to "I didn't realize that going along with what a majority of voters wanted in a presidential election was part of the deal" to "everybody else is doing it."

It was not the most august period for the little-heralded online petition thingy. As you might imagine, natural consequences have followed in the form of a petitioner petitioning to stop all of the petitions, titled "Shut down White House petitions, since they never get a sincere response, few read them, and they are ultimately worthless:"

Since the White House never actually responds to any petitions in sincerity (like letting the one man whose job it is to oppose marijuana to respond to the marijuana legalization initiative, or having the head of the TSA respond to why we can't de-fund the TSA) we should immediately de-fund and dismantle the White House petition website.

In recent days it has become a mockery with petitions for secession from almost every state, and cities wishing to de-secede in such events.

We ask Barack Obama to admit that this is a mockery of democratic process and immediately dissolve this joke of a website.

As of this writing, the petition still needed 24,629 signatures in order to get the White House to consider this ironic request.

[Hat tip: Dave Weigel]

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  • Baja Arizona

    Left-leaning Arizonans attempted to <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/10/baja-arizona-state_n_859954.html" target="_hplink">get a measure on the ballot</a> in 2011 that would create a new bastion for liberals in the state. Though ultimately unsuccessful, the measure would have given voters a choice to decide whether to chip off Pima County from the rest of Arizona, creating another state: Baja Arizona. It's an idea that's long been discussed, but <em>The Tucson Sentinel</em> <a href="http://www.tucsonsentinel.com/local/report/070111_baja_indepedence/baja-arizonans-declare-independence-from-phoenix/" target="_hplink">reports</a> that the most recent action was spurred by a desire for greater control over local issues and discontent with proceedings at the Phoenix statehouse. "Every bill we've heard about here is either anti-abortion laws or anti-Mexican laws. These are not laws that are geared toward solving the real problems that we have," David Euchner, treasurer of <a href="http://startourstate.com/" target="_hplink">Start Our State</a>, the group behind the secession push, <a href="http://azstarnet.com/news/local/govt-and-politics/article_c2787d7e-fbcb-501f-af4b-c85d4da7ac62.html" target="_hplink">told</a> the <em>Arizona Daily Star</em>.

  • Maine vs. Northern Massachusetts

    Republican Maine State Rep. Henry Joy brought forth <a href="http://www.asmainegoes.com/content/rep-joy-proposes-plan-divide-maine-two-states" target="_hplink">legislation</a> in 2010 to divide northern and southern Maine into two autonomous states. According to Joy, the move was necessary because of a <a href="http://www.restore.org/Maine/overview.html" target="_hplink">proposal</a> that would have turned millions of acres of northern woodland into a nature preserve, leading to the forced relocation of residents in the area. While that measure never passed, Joy was apparently not keen on the prospect of being removed from his home turf. Joy's bill, which eventually <a href="http://failuremag.com/index.php/failure_analysis/article/proposal_to_divide_maine_into_2_states_fails/" target="_hplink">failed</a>, would have allowed the northern portion of the state to retain the name Maine, while the southern section would have been ordained Northern Massachusetts. Joy proposed <a href="http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2005/02/27/maines_split_personality/" target="_hplink">similar legislation</a> in 2005, which also failed.

  • Utah

    Democratic Utah State Rep. <a href="http://congress.org/congressorg/bio/id/8481" target="_hplink">Neal Hendrickson</a> submitted legislation in 2008 for the <a href="http://le.utah.gov/~2008/bills/hbillint/hjr006.htm" target="_hplink">creation of a new state within Utah</a>. Hendrickson contended that "citizens in the more populated areas of northern Utah have many interests that stand in stark contrast to the interests of southern rural areas of the state, which feel they do not have the influence on state policymaking that citizens along the Wasatch Front enjoy." His bill, which he said would "provide the citizens of what is presently southern Utah increased access to their state government," didn't pass.

  • The Republic Of Texas

    When Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R) <a href="http://thinkprogress.org/politics/2009/04/15/37587/perry-texas-secession/" target="_hplink">signed</a> onto a non-binding resolution claiming constitutional overreach of the federal government in 2009, some may have thought it was simply a symbolic display meant to show solidarity with a right-wing base disgruntled after the passage of President Barack Obama's stimulus package. A day later, however, Perry took his rhetoric to another level, implying that Texas might <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/15/gov-rick-perry-texas-coul_n_187490.html" target="_hplink">secede</a> if "Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people," by strapping his state with unsustainable taxation, spending and debt.

  • Tennessee

    Rep. Zach Wamp (R-Tenn.), a Republican primary candidate for governor, piggy-backed off Texas Gov. Rick Perry's secession comments last year, <a href="http://hotlineoncall.nationaljournal.com/archives/2010/07/health_care_law.php" target="_hplink">telling</a> <i>Hotline on Call</i> in a discussion about federal mandates in the health care law that states such as Tennessee might be "forced to consider separation from this government" depending on the outcome of the elections. Wamp eventually <a href="http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/governor-races/112993-rep-wamp-loses-gov-primary-to-mayor-haslam-" target="_hplink">lost</a> the gubernatorial primary to Knoxville mayor and eventual winner Bill Haslam.

  • Delmarva

    In 1998, Republican Maryland State Sen. Richard Colburn <a href="http://mlis.state.md.us/1998rs/billfile/sb0564.htm" target="_hplink">filed a bill</a> that would have paved the way for the Eastern Shore of his state, as well as parts of Delaware and Virginia, to branch off into a separate entity called Delmarva. <a href="http://www.msa.md.gov/megafile/msa/speccol/sc3500/sc3520/012100/012158/pdf/post12feb1998.pdf" target="_hplink">Upset with regulations</a> being forged in Annapolis and passed down to the Eastern Shore, Colburn encouraged Maryland's coastal residents to work toward a referendum that could get the measure on the ballot. It never passed muster.

  • New York

    Lawmakers across New York have long floated secession as a potential way to rectify what they see as imbalances in the burdens of taxes and other economic factors. From <a href="http://www.nysun.com/blogs/culture-of-congestion/2008/01/secession-new-york-city-as-polis.html" target="_hplink">local proposals</a> to split New York City off into its own state, to pushes to turn <a href="http://www.ppinys.org/reports/2004/letupstate.pdf" target="_hplink">upstate New York</a> or <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/22/nyregion/22secede.html" target="_hplink">Long Island</a> into their own sovereign entities, all efforts at secession have failed.

  • Block Island

    The tiny Rhode Island enclave of Block Island made a stir in the 1980s when its residents pursued secession after <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20088188,00.html" target="_hplink">being invaded</a> by a population of moped-riding mainlanders. The state senate and supreme court initially refused to allow the island's governing body to regulate the offending mopeds, which resulted in a <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20088188,00.html" target="_hplink">successful vote</a> to declare independence from the rest of Rhode Island. Massachusetts and Connecticut <a href="http://www.projo.com/specials/century/month10/02733011.htm" target="_hplink">reportedly</a> reached out during the process in the interest of annexing the island. Weeks later, the Rhode Island legislature <a href="http://www.projo.com/specials/century/month10/02733011.htm" target="_hplink">approved a bill</a> giving Block Island regulatory control over mopeds on the island, which sufficiently appeased residents.

  • West Virginia

    Republican West Virginia Delegate Larry Kump <a href="http://www.herald-dispatch.com/news/briefs/x746672958/Delegate-admits-W-Va-secession-bill-a-long-shot" target="_hplink">floated a proposal</a> earlier this year to let a number of his state's panhandle counties secede and rejoin Virginia. Citing <a href="http://motherjones.com/mojo/2011/01/west-virginia-legislator-hatches-plan-rejoin-virginia" target="_hplink">economic concerns</a>, Kump said his longshot legislation was an attempt to alleviate pressure brought on by the state's struggling manufacturing sector. It failed to gain support both among West Virginians and state legislators.