12/28/2012 01:15 pm ET

New Year's Resolutions (JOKES)

When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year, I gave up thinking.

You know it's time for a New Year's resolution to lose weight when you step on a talking scale and it says, "One at a time, please!"

A man asks his friend for a cigarette. His friend says, "I think you made a New Year resolution to quit smoking." The man says, " I am in the process of quitting. Right now, I am in the middle of phase one." "What's phase one?" "I've quit buying."

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