Being the president of the United States of America is a pretty sweet gig. Heck, just running for president can be pretty lucrative. You don't see Alan Keyes struggling, do you? That's because somebody somewhere even wants to pay a few thousand dollars to hear Alan Keyes give speeches, for some reason.

But let's face it, folks, once you become president, you become as close as any American can come to being an aristocrat (besides the actual aristocrats). During the 2012 campaign, the nation's massive unemployment crisis was characterized by the media as something that only really affected President Barack Obama and his reelection hopes. But the irony, of course, was that Obama was always going to be fine. Had he been stomped by Mitt Romney in a 50-state landslide, his consolation prize would have been being set for life, financially. If only we all could lose reelection to Mitt Romney!

Naturally, many of your post-presidential ducats come by virtue of being a celebrity, and the lion's share of the rest represents the back-end on all the corporate favor-trading you did while in office. But taxpayers chip in a chunk of change as well, and over at the Daily Caller, they have pored through the details of how the four ex-presidents are splitting up the $3.7 million in taxpayer money they received in 2011 via the Former President's Act. In lieu of a detailed report, however, we get a mini-obsession with the cable teevee packages that Bill Clinton has set up in his office:

[Bill] Clinton also used the funds to wire at least 10 televisions in his offices to a premium suite of content from DirecTV, according to a February 2011 statement. That year, taxpayers spent $184.26 a month for Clinton’s DVR service, 145 "Office Choice" channels and 32 high-definition "Entertainment Unlimited" channels.

Well, look: it's ridiculous that taxpayers are paying for that perk. Or perhaps any perk. But seriously: Bill Clinton signs the Commodity Futures Modernization Act of 2000 into law and there's not a single financial sector lobbyist who is willing to pick up the tab for premium cable? Wall Streeters be some cheap people, yo.

Of course, what the Daily Caller wants to impress upon you is that Clinton is basically using this taxpayer-funded cable subscription to wax the dolphin:

That entertainment package, according to DirecTV's website, includes premium channels like Cinemax, HBO and Showtime. Cinemax, for example, plays hit movies like "Aliens" and "50 First Dates," according to a recent listing.

Late at night, the premium channel earns its "Skinemax" nickname with a turn toward adult programming, offering shows titles like "Busty Coeds Vs. Lusty Cheerleaders," "Sex Games Cancun 01: Last Temptation of Hank" and “Hotel Erotica Feature 05: Bedroom Fantasies 2."

Wait -- "50 First Dates" is a "hit movie"?

Anyway, this report suggests that Clinton's Cinemax subscription is "just one eyebrow-raising expense a former occupant of the White House has been allowed to put on the taxpayer tab every year," but the only other thing that's mentioned in the piece are some bog-standard New York Times subscriptions, so I guess the Daily Caller is saving the really blockbuster stuff for a later report or for when they need to get their eyebrows checked.

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Earlier on HuffPost:

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  • George Washington (1789-97)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/georgewashington">1st President</a> of the United States (Photo by Three Lions/Getty Images)

  • Thomas Jefferson (1801-09)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/thomasjefferson">3rd President</a> of the United States (Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

  • James Madison (1809-17)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/jamesmadison">4th President</a> of the United States (Photo by National Archive/Newsmakers)

  • James Monroe (1817-25)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/jamesmonroe">5th President</a> of the United States (Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

  • Andrew Jackson (1829-37)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/andrewjackson">7th President </a>of the United States (Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

  • Abraham Lincoln (1861-65)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/abrahamlincoln">16th President </a>of the United States -- Lincoln was assassinated on April 14, 1865, after being inaugurated second term. (Photo by Alexander Gardner/Hulton Archive/Getty Images) <em><strong>Correction:</strong> A previous version of this text misstated the amount of time Lincoln had served during his second term before his assassination.</em>

  • Ulysses S. Grant (1869-77)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/ulyssessgrant">18th President</a> of the United States (Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

  • Grover Cleveland (1885-89, 1893-97)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/grovercleveland22">22nd</a> and <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/grovercleveland24">24th President</a> of the United States (Photo by National Archive/Newsmakers)

  • William McKinley (1897-1901)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/williammckinley">25th President</a> of the United States -- McKinley was elected to a second term, but it came to a tragic end when he was assassinated in September 1901. (Courtesy of the National Archives/Newsmakers)

  • Theodore Roosevelt (1901-09)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/theodoreroosevelt">26th President</a> of the United States -- After McKinley's assassination, Roosevelt completed that term and was then elected to his own term. (Photo by George C. Beresford/Beresford/Getty Images)

  • Woodrow Wilson (1913-21)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/woodrowwilson">28th President</a> of the United States (Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

  • Calvin Coolidge (1923-29)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/calvincoolidge">30th President</a> of the United States -- After President <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/warrenharding">Warren G. Harding</a> died of a heart attack in August 1923, Coolidge completed that term and then earned a term of his own. (Photo by National Archive/Newsmakers)

  • Franklin D. Roosevelt (1933-45)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/franklindroosevelt">32nd President</a> of the United States (Photo by Keystone/Getty Images)

  • Harry Truman (1945-53)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/harrystruman">33rd President</a> of the United States -- after <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/franklindroosevelt">FDR died</a> in April 1945 of a cerebral hemorrage, Truman completed that term, and was then elected to an additional term. (Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

  • Dwight D. Eisenhower (1953-61)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/dwightdeisenhower">34th President</a> of the United States (Photo by Keystone/Getty Images)

  • Lyndon B. Johnson (1963-69)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/lyndonbjohnson">36th President</a> of the United States -- after John F. Kennedy's assassination on Nov. 22, 1963, then-vice president Johnson took over. He completed Kennedy's term and was then elected to one term of his own. (AFP/Getty Images)

  • Richard Nixon (1969-74)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/richardnixon">37th President </a>of the United States -- Nixon was elected to a second term, but resigned in August 1974 over the Watergate scandal. (AFP/Getty Images) <em><strong>Correction:</strong> A previous version of this slide incorrectly listed Nixon as the 25th President of the United States.

  • Ronald Reagan (1981-89)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/ronaldreagan">40th President</a> of the United States (Photo credit should read -/AFP/Getty Images)

  • Bill Clinton (1993-2001)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/williamjclinton">42nd President</a> of the United States (LUKE FRAZZA/AFP/Getty Images)

  • George W. Bush (2001-09)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/georgewbush">43rd President</a> of the United States (SCOTT OLSON/AFP/Getty Images)

  • Barack Obama (2009-Present)

    <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/barackobama">44th President</a> of the United States (SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)