No one loved movies like Roger Ebert. But perhaps more importantly, no one panned movies like Roger Ebert. He turned taking the piss out of a reprehensible film into an art form, leaving you giggling days later.
While we're heartbroken at his passing, we'll always remember him for his big heart, his humanity, his passion, his fortitude, and, most of all, his incredible wit in the face of so many terrible, terrible cinematic train wrecks.
Here are a few of the funniest Ebert take downs of movies. Let us know which one's your favorite.
"I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it."
"The movie Ed Wood, about the worst director of all time, was made to prepare us for Stargate."
Mad Dog Time, 1996
"Mad Dog Time is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time. Oh, I've seen bad movies before. But they usually made me care about how bad they were. Watching Mad Dog Time is like waiting for the bus in a city where you're not sure they have a bus line."
"My guess is that African Americans will be offended by the movie, and whites will be embarrassed. The movie will bring us all together, I imagine, in paralyzing boredom."
"No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out."
"Going to see Godzilla at the Palais of the Cannes Film Festival is like attending a satanic ritual in St. Peter's Basilica."
Battlefield Earth, 2000
"Battlefield Earth is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way."
Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles, 2001
"I've seen audits that were more thrilling."
Freddy Got Fingered, 2001
"This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels."
How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, 2003
"Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson star. I neglected to mention that, maybe because I was trying to place them in this review's version of the Witness Protection Program. If I were taken off the movie beat and assigned to cover the interior design of bowling alleys, I would have some idea of how they must have felt as they made this film."
The Brown Bunny, 2003
"I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny."
The Village, 2004
"To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes. It's a crummy secret, about one step up the ladder of narrative originality from It Was All a Dream. It's so witless, in fact, that when we do discover the secret, we want to rewind the film so we don't know the secret anymore. And then keep on rewinding, and rewinding, until we're back at the beginning, and can get up from our seats and walk backward out of the theater and go down the up escalator and watch the money spring from the cash register into our pockets."
A Lot Like Love, 2005
To call A Lot like Love dead in the water is an insult to water."
Bucket List, 2007
"I urgently advise hospitals: Do not make the DVD available to your patients; there may be an outbreak of bedpans thrown at TV screens."
Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, 2009
"If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination."
The Last Airbender, 2010
"The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented."
Seven Days In Utopia, 2011
"I would rather eat a golf ball than see this movie again."
Film critic Roger Ebert attends the 2002 Independent Spirit Awards March 23, 2002 in Santa Monica, CA. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)
In this Jan. 12, 2011 file photo, Pulitzer Prize-winning movie critic Roger Ebert works in his office at the WTTW-TV studios in Chicago. (AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast, File)
This undated file photo originally released by Disney-ABC Domestic Television, shows movie critics Roger Ebert, right, and Gene Siskel. (AP Photo/Disney-ABC Domestic Television)
This Jan. 2009 file photo shows film critic and author Roger Ebert, recipient of the Honorary Life Member Award, at the Directors Guild of America Awards in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles, file)
This May 17, 2004 file photo shows Pulitzer Prize winning film critc Roger Ebert at the 57th International Film Festival in Cannes, southern France. (AP Photo/Michel Euler, file)
This January, 2011, file photo provided by Roger Ebert shows the famous film critic wearing a silicone prosthesis over his lower face and neck. (AP Photo/Ebert Productions, David Rotter, file)
Film critic Roger Ebert arrives at 'Damsels In Distress' Premiere at The Elgin during the 2011 Toronto International Film Festival on September 13, 2011 in Toronto, Canada. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)
Film critic Roger Ebert and Director Martin Scorsese attend the Roger Ebert Conference Center Announcement held at the American Pavillion during the 62nd International Cannes Film Festival on May 15, 2009 in Cannes, France. (Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images)
Critic Roger Ebert and actress Virginia Madsen attend the 61st Annual Directors Guild of America Awards at the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza on January 31, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images for DGA)
Critic Roger Ebert and his wife Chaz Hammelsmith Ebert accept his Honorary Life Membership award onstage during the 61st Annual Directors Guild of America Awards at the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza on January 31, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images for DGA)
Film critic Roger Ebert poses at the book signing for his 'Great Movies II' at Barnes & Noble Booksellers on March 7, 2006 in Santa Monica, California. (Photo by David Livingston/Getty Images)
Movie Critic Roger Ebert gestures as he receives the 2,288th Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame June 23, 2005 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)
Movie Critic Roger Ebert and actress Julie Delpy in the audience at the 20th IFP Independent Spirit Awards in a tent on the beach on February 26, 2005 in Santa Monica, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)
Film critic Roger Ebert attends the 32nd Annual AFI Life Achievement Award: A Tribute to Meryl Streep on June 10, 2004 at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Vince Bucci/Getty Images)
Movie critic, Roger Ebert and wife Chaz Hammelsmith Ebert attend the '32nd Annual AFI Lifetime Achievement Award: A Tribute to Meryl Streep' held at the Kodak Theatre, June 10, 2004 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)
Film critic Roger Ebert speak at the 'The American Directors' discussion panel during the 'Variety Cannes Conference Series 2004' on May 15, 2004 in Cannes, France. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Getty Images)
Film critic Roger Ebert talks with director/producer Campbell Scott at the American pavilion during 56th International Cannes Film Festival 2003 on May 16, 2003 in Cannes, France. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Getty Images)