There are a lot of theories about the best way to watch the new season of "Arrested Development" once it debuts on Netflix on May 26. It goes live at 12:01 a.m. PST (that's 3:01 a.m. EST, folks) on May 26. We're thinking your best bet is to get a good night's sleep, and then wake up bright and early for a 15-episode marathon.
But in order to be fully prepared and focused for all this television consumption, your belly must also be sated. And, it's only fitting to eat "Arrested Development"-themed foods for the occasion. We've gone ahead and created an eating schedule for you. And we don't suggest wearing tight jean shorts a la Tobias -- you're going to need a lot of space in your stomach to truly celebrate.
Also, if you're as serious about the "Arrested Development" food party as we are, then some advanced planning is needed. Make sure to go shopping and start cooking a few days ahead of time. You don't want to end up like a juice-crazed Buster.
Break out your eating pants and let the feasting/watching begin:
8am Breakfast: Skip's Scramble
Good morning! If you live on the West Coast, perhaps you stayed up past midnight to start watching "Arrested Development." And for East Coasters, we're guessing you got a good night sleep so you could wake up bright and early to start your binge watching. So might we suggest that you start your epic food-and-TV fueled day with <a href="http://arresteddevelopment.wikia.com/wiki/Skip's_Scramble" target="_blank">Skip's Scramble</a>? <strong>Quote:</strong> "Don't order the Skip's Scramble." -Narrator
9am Breakfast #2: Non-Poisoned Muffins
On "Arrested Development," George Sr. apparently served poisoned muffins to some of his children's teachers. We suggest that you serve non-poisoned ones for your party, however. <strong>Quote:</strong> "Oh, my God. Dad? You're the Muffin Man?" -Michael Bluth Recipe: <a href="http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/blueberry_muffins/" target="_blank">Blueberry Muffins from Simply Recipes</a> and more muffin recipes <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/28/muffin-recipes-blueberry_n_2549925.html" target="_blank">here</a>.
Boozy Breakfast: Vodka Rocks & Toast
<strong>Quote:</strong> "Get me a vodka rocks... and a piece of toast."
Breakfast Tea: Tea For Dong
Um, we'll just suggest a cup of green tea to serve and let Gob handle the tea for dong.
9:30am Breakfast #3: Cereal In An Ashtray
Just make sure the ashtray is clean. And there's some room for milk. You are also allowed to hide the cereal underneath a fake turkey.
10am: Juice Break!
<strong>Quote:</strong> "Unlimited juice?!" - Buster
11am Snack: Bluth Banana Jail Bars
During the late morning, you'll probably want a low-calorie protein bar to get you through the many hours of TV watching. So, why not make a Bluth Banana Jail Bar? <strong>Quote: </strong>"Once you've had one, you're in for life." - <a href="http://arresteddevelopment.wikia.com/wiki/Bluth_Banana_Jail_Bars" target="_blank">George Bluth</a>
11:30am Snack: Bridge Mix
It's not quite lunchtime yet, so we suggest a handful of nuts in anticipation. <strong>Quote:</strong> "To the nuts! "The bridge mix! The bridge mix!" -Uncle Jack
Yet Another Snack: Graham Crackers
It's not very hard to lure Buster to the balcony. <strong>Quote:</strong> "I thought I saw a Graham Cracker out there." - Buster
Step 1: Hard boil eggs. Step 2: Squeeze packet of mayo in your mouth. Step 3: Put hard boiled egg in mouth. Step 4: Try not to vomit.
After-Brunch Snack: Candy Beans
Forget jelly beans, the Bluth family prefers candy beans. <strong>Quote:</strong> "But instead he [Michael] just sat in his car and ate a whole thing of candy beans.” -Narrator
1pm Lunch: Salmon Rolls & Chicken Wings
<strong><a href="http://www.quotefully.com/tvshow/Arrested%20Development/George%20Sr./2/" target="_blank">Quote</a>:</strong> George Michael Bluth: [George Michael is finishing a eulogy for George Sr] I'll be bringing you some salmon rolls real soon. George Sr: [watching from the attic] How many times I gotta tell this kid chicken wings? <strong>Recipes: </strong><a href="http://www.cookstr.com/recipes/smoked-salmon-rolls" target="_blank">Salmon rolls</a> and <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/27/classic-buffalo-chicken-w_n_1059570.html" target="_blank">classic chicken wings</a>
Drink With Lunch: Milk
Maybe it will help you keep down all those mayoneggs.
Lunch Dessert: Ice Cream Sandwich
We can't really blame George Sr. there. Credit: <a href="http://aweekfromthursday.com/wp-content/uploads/loveaffairsandwich.gif" target="_blank">A Week From Thursday</a>
After Lunch Snack: Cornballer
The Cornballer is one of the best running jokes throughout "Arrested Development." The challenge, however, is to re-create these super hot (literally, people can't stop burning themselves) creations. Here's a step by step preparation of <a href="http://www.thefoodinmybeard.com/2013/04/bluth-family-cornballs.html#more" target="_blank">how to make corn balls </a>without a Cornballer.
After Lunch Candy: Butterscotch & Chicklets
<strong>Quote: </strong>"Butterscotch, want a lick?" -Tobias <strong>Quote:</strong> "You're the chicklet!" -Gob
Lunch Dessert #2: Bread & A Hanukkah Cookie
Tony Wonder wows Gob with his "magic." <strong>Quote:</strong> "Enjoy the Hanukkah cookie, man." - Tony Wonder
Mid-day Snack: Curly Fries
Full yet? We hope not, because it's time for some curly fries. <strong>Quote:</strong> "Ooh! Sorry, Michael. Pool food. My system’s not used to curly fries." - <a href="http://arresteddevelopment.wikia.com/wiki/Transcript_of_Visiting_Ours" target="_blank">Lucille</a>
Mid-Day Dessert: Candy Hearts
George Michael looked for signs in candy hearts that he should pursue his cousin, Maeby. He continued to look through the candy until he landed on "Maybe Tonight." The chances for picking that particular flavor was actually pretty high -- one in eight to be exact.
3pm Candy Bar Break
<strong>Quote:</strong> Lucille: "Michael ?" Buster: "Mom?" Michael: "What are you doing here?" Lucille: "Oh, hello, Buster. Here's a candy bar. No. I'm withholding it. Look at me. Getting off!" More sugar coming still!
Afternoon Delight Brownies
There was a bit of confusion here with Michael and Oscar, so for your afternoon delight, we're gonna keep it clean and just suggest a <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/08/brownie-recipes-chocolate_n_1752753.html" target="_blank">brownie recipe</a>. <strong>Quote:</strong> "Maybe I'll put it in her brownie." -Oscar
Happy Hour: Margaritas, Senor Tadpoles-Style
<strong>Quote:</strong> "If anyone needs me, I’ll be at Senor Tadpole’s having a margarita made in my mouth." - Kitty
Soup: Hot Ham Water
It isn't an "Arrested Development" party without hot ham water, Lindsay's not-so-genius attempt at cooking. <strong>Quote:</strong> "It's so watery, and yet, there's a smack of ham to it." - Buster
Dinner First Course: Sausage In The Mouth
Mrs. Featherbottom, better known as Tobias, just can't stop with the sexual innuendo here. <strong>Quote: </strong>"Who would like a banger in the mouth? Oh, I forgot, in the States you call it a sausage in the mouth." -Mrs. Featherbottom.
...With Club Sauce
You know what might taste good with sausages? CLUB SAUCE. So no one really knows what goes into club sauce, but <a href="http://www.thefoodinmybeard.com/2013/04/chicken-fingers-with-spicy-club-sauce.html#more" target="_blank">here</a> are <a href="http://frybabyfry.blogspot.com/2010/09/club-sandwich-with-club-sauce.html" target="_blank">some</a> guesses.
Drink With Dinner: Boxed Wine
Buster mistakes boxed wine for juice. Drunkenness ensues.
Dinner Second Course: Stew
Follow Carl Weathers' instructions closely: Take the bone, throw it into a pot, add some broth, a potato, and baby, you've got a stew going.
Dinner Side Dish: Macaroni Salad
If you wanted to put some hash browns in the salad, we would understand. <strong>Quote:</strong> "What about macaroni -- let me finish -- salad?" - Gob
Drink: Cloudmir Vodka Tonic
Lucille Bluth is constantly seen drinking booze throughout the show, and Cloudmir vodka also makes appearances every so often. The Arrested Development wiki has a good rundown of all the times <a href="http://arresteddevelopment.wikia.com/wiki/Cloudmir" target="_blank">Cloudmir pops up</a>. <strong>Quote:</strong> "Can I get a vodka tonic, please? I'd like a vodka tonic, please. Vodka tonic, please. A sea of waiters, and no one will take a drink order." -Lucille For the martini: Mix 4 ounces of tonic water with 2 ounces of Cloudmir (can't find any? LOOK HARDER). Garnish with lime or lemon. Or, if you want to truly embrace Lucille, go heavier on the vodka and lighter on the tonic.
Dessert #1: Basket Of Donuts
At Fat Ammy's, the American-themed restaurant located inside <a href="http://arresteddevelopment.wikia.com/wiki/Wee_Britain" target="_blank">Wee Britain</a>, customers get served a <a href="http://www.dailyfork.com/2009/02/10_fictional_diners_we_want_to.php?page=2" target="_blank">basket of donuts</a> instead a bread basket. We're gonna guess you're pretty tired and full by this time in the evening, so we'll just go ahead and tell you to order some from Dunkin'. You don't have to make them from scratch. But you're not quite done eating yet.
Dessert #2: Frozen Banana
Bluth's Original Banana Stand is a central focus of the show and there's no way that you could possibly throw an "Arrested Development" party without chowing down on some frozen bananas. As you wind down your day and go to sleep sated, both on food and television, we'd like to remind you that there's always money in the banana stand.
Other Potential Food Items
We know, we know, we didn't get every single food reference there is in "Arrested Development." There is Michael referring to Ann as "yam," George Sr. making teriyaki chicken in the hot tub and so much more. But we hope that this all day feast is inspiration enough for you to throw your own AD food party. Bon appetit and cheers!