Dr. Phil Explains How To Put Yourself First Without Seeming Selfish (VIDEO)

05/22/2013 09:58 am ET | Updated Jun 04, 2013

In his new book, "Life Code," Dr. Phil McGraw reveals his actionable rules for succeeding in the real world. It's not about sitting around and waiting for your patience to be rewarded, Dr. Phil says. Rather, to be successful in today's climate, you have to go after what you want, actively protect yourself against the toxic people who want to bring you down and, as he puts it, become the star in your own life.

Becoming the star in your own life is about putting yourself first and going after what you want and need in life, Dr. Phil says in this clip from "Oprah's Lifeclass." But is being the "star" really an appropriate aspiration or is it just another excuse to be selfish?

As Oprah states, "People think 'star' means you have to be vain or wealthy or [famous]." That's not what it means to be the star in your own life, Dr. Phil tells the audience.

"It means filling yourself up mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually," he explains. "It's not about being selfish."

The key to making yourself a priority without exuding an ounce of selfishness is simple, Dr. Phil says. "You don't do it at other people's expense," he states matter-of-factly. "For you to take care of you -- to nurture your mind, to nurture your body, to nurture your spirit -- why does that have to be at [others'] expense?"

It doesn't. However, when you become comfortable being the star in your own life, you may notice that it makes other people, especially an insecure significant other, uncomfortable. "That's not having a relationship. You've got to get a relationship where it's OK to be who you are," Dr. Phil advises. "You don't give yourself up to be part of a couple."

"Oprah's Lifeclass" airs on OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network.

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