TASTE

Jell-O, Why Are You So Gross?: A Dear John Letter

06/04/2013 09:11 am ET | Updated Oct 01, 2013
Flickr: stevendepolo

Remember how when we were kids, everyone was friends with everyone? But once we got old enough to assign judgement, groups were formed; the cool kids were established, and there was that one inevitable smelly kid doomed to be labeled as the outcast.

Jell-O is the smelly kid of desserts and the only reason it's still around is because kids haven't yet learned any better. Sure, it's okay for kids to eat Jell-O. But that's only because kids have no taste -- they eat boogers and dirt and they like it. But as soon as we turn old enough to realize that we can't all be friends, we also need to be putting the days of Jell-O snacks behind us.

If you happen to be thinking, "But, I love Jell-O!" and you're over the age of 10 (like at least one of our editors), we are here to educate you because you clearly missed the boat. It's not that we want to hate Jell-O. It does make a great vehicle for shots, and can be molded into the most amazing shapes. But Jell-O just can't help but be gross. It comes in the most radioactive of colors; it wiggles, jiggles and oozes. And we're not even going to talk about what it's made of.

Still not convinced? Here are 12 reasons that we all need to stop pretending Jell-O is okay.

1.) The Jell-O ooze.
Here is Jell-O at its finest. We think this says it all. What in the world is coming out of this molded Jell-O?! This can't honestly look appetizing to anyone. Just can't.
2013-06-03-jelloooze.gif

2.) It's limp.
Putting this in our bodies seems like an extremely bad idea.
2013-06-03-2653575280_0157217da4.jpg
Photo credit: Flickr/justgrimes

3.) The radioactive colors.
Its color screams toxic. And for some reason we think this is safe to eat.
2013-06-03-2664654424_2479dd13b7.jpg
Photo credit: Flickr/ gaelx

4.) The jiggle.
Nothing edible should move like that. Ever.
2013-06-03-jurassic.gif

5.) It ruins perfectly good fruit.
What did pineapple ever do to deserve this? We know the era of Jell-O salads makes people think this is acceptable, but it's not. Just don't do it.
2013-06-03-4705106184_48ab357fea.jpg
Photo credit: Flickr/ ricketyus

6.) It bubbles.
This looks like the ooze that created the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It does not look like a good option for dessert.
2013-06-03-ani1.gif

7.) The Jell-O milk.
Why?!
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Photo credit: Flickr/ sjsharktank

8.) Opaque Jell-O.
There's nothing scarier than Jell-O you can't see through. If you can't see inside it, you just can't trust it. Because who knows what could be hiding in there.
2013-06-03-7312618210_a758a5e96b.jpg
Photo credit: Flickr/marianne muegenburg cothern

9.)Vegetable Jell-O.
Enough said.
2013-06-03-3801427212_7c399a6f01_z.jpg
Photo credit: Flickr/ Wandering Magpie

10.) And then there's this.
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Photo credit: Flickr/ Roswell_UMC

11.) And this.
2013-06-03-159808787_a6751f9c78.jpg
Flickr/ David Boyle in DC

12.) It's bewitching.
Jell-O has taken hold of our beloved Bill Cosby. It's evil and must be stopped.
2013-06-03-BillCosbyJelloGIF.gif

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Still not convinced about Jell-O? Maybe this will help get the point across.

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