By Rick Clemons for YourTango.com
At 19, I came out of the closet to my parents. It was a shock, but not a surprise. At the time, I wasn't quite ready to stand up to my parents' beliefs and hold true to my own. So I slunk back into the closet until I was confident enough to be authentically me. Along the journey, I butted heads with my dad on numerous occasions mostly because he is my dad and we're cut from the same stubborn, my-way-or-the-highway DNA. But that doesn't mean that I was unable to learn anything from him. And as Father’s Day creeps up on me, I'm reminded of all the life lessons I've learned from my straight father.
Lesson #1: Thanks, Dad, for teaching me the lesson of standing in your beliefs, and showing me the danger of being overtly bull-headed.
As the years progressed and I chose to marry a woman not of my faith, I once again found myself in the ring with my dad, this time wearing the religious boxing gloves. Never having seen myself as a prize-winning fighter, I suddenly found myself timidly stepping up to the center of the ring and saying, "But what if your religious beliefs aren't exactly true? Who's to say there's not a hundred different ways to be religious and spiritual besides the way you see it, Dad?"
Lesson #2: Thanks, Dad, for teaching me to never assume anything.
If I had assumed that owning a home would end in a disaster we wouldn't have bought the house, loved it, stayed in it until our first daughter was born and then upsized to the house that ended up being the financial boon during our divorce that enabled me to break the assumption that coming out late in life would leave me broke out on the street. Obviously, I didn't end up on the street, broke and homeless!
Within 13 years of the fabulous wedding, and with lots of parental interruptions over raising children, surviving marriage, being a "man" and creating success, I finally got the best wisdom I could from my dad on the day that I came out of the closet. He said, "I cannot accept your lifestyle and never will!" Ahem, needless to say, this Father's Day he is here, celebrating Father's Day and graduations with me and my partner, our two daughters, my mom, and my ex-wife.
Saying things in the heat of the moment never really works and allowing people to grow into situations, even if it takes years for them to grow, should be a best practice for life. My dad and I continue to agree to disagree about my "lifestyle choice" (because he treats my orientation like, you know, I ordered it in the drive-thru at Lifestyles R US: "Yes, I'd like to order a gay lifestyle with a side of bitchy queen, societal disapproval and add an extra dollop of second-class citizen.
Oh, and make that to go! While you're at it, make that lifetime supply so that I never get hungry for filling less than for being gay and who I am authentically to my core.") Even through our disagreements, the ups and downs, and the silence that hangs in the air through many of our conversations, there's one truth my dad taught me and it is the greatest Father's Day gift he ever gave me: "What you believe is what you believe. You have that right to your beliefs, and don't let anyone, for any reason, take that right away from you."
Happy Father's Day Dad from your gay son! Thanks for the lessons you never knew you taught me!
Rick Clemons, The Coming Out Coach
Certified Professional Coach (CPC)
Sign up for Ricks' Free Video Series, "Coming Out Without Coming Unglued!" Connect with Rick through his Coming Out & Life Coaching Newsletter. Like to chat with Rick? Schedule A Complimentary Session! Sessions available via phone, Skype, and in-person. Location: Los Angeles, California
More Stories On YourTango:
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.