I’m not a Barbie hater... I’m actually a reformed Barbie lover. I had millions of Barbies. I also had poor self-esteem when I was an adolescent and tween, so perhaps there was a connection. But still, I’m not ready to blame it all on Barbie.
I see the way my daughter looks at her own plastic piece of perfection with adoring eyes, and I wonder, "Am I doing permanent damage?" It’s not that I think the unrealistic characteristics Barbie portrays are dangerous in and of themselves, but I do feel that she could at least meet us moms half way in teaching our daughters what’s true in this world.
If there were just a few more real life Barbies out there, maybe the Beach Barbies and Princess Skippers wouldn’t bother me so much. So I give you, ten ways Barbie could have kept it real...
1. Winter Weight Barbie: She’s a slightly chunkier version of regular Barbie. Think Barbie after the holidays.
2. Yoga Pants Barbie: No, not "Workout Barbie" or "Fitness Barbie" ... "Yoga Pants Barbie." Big difference.
3. Sleep Deprived Barbie: Bloodshot eyes, swollen lids and no patience -- this Barbie could also be known as "New Mom Barbie" or "Hungover Barbie."
4. Breastfeeding Barbie: Her breasts are engorged constantly and no one, except her baby, is ever allowed near them.
5. Sun Damaged Barbie: This is Beach Barbie after a few years of using little to no SPF. (Shouldn’t the children learn early?)
6. Workaholic Barbie: Workaholic Barbie in some cases doubles as "Primary Wage Earner Barbie" and comes with a Ken doll hanging from her coattails.
7. Mom Jeans Barbie: I mean... she wears mom jeans.
8. Bad Haircut Barbie: I felt so strongly about this one when I was a child that I decided to make all of my dolls "Bad Haircut Barbie" -- this way kids won’t have to take matters into their own hands.
9. No Make-up Barbie: Let’s get the makeup tattoos laser removed, shall we, Barbie?
10. Au Naturel Barbie: She’s got hair on her legs and is slightly smelly.
And just for kicks, I’ll add an 11th one to the mix...
11. Mommy Barbie: She’s got a superhero cape and magical powers.
(I said we wanted to keep it REAL for the kids, remember?)
ALSO ON HUFFPOST:
HuffPost Parents offers a daily dose of personal stories, helpful advice and comedic takes on what it’s like to raise kids today. Learn more