At first glance, Chloe Jennings-White seems to be living a dream life.
The 58-year-old research scientist has a beautiful home in West Bountiful, Utah, a Ph.D in Chemistry and degrees from Cambridge and Stanford Universities. She enjoys skiing and is happily married.
However, Jennings-White wants something she does not yet have. She wants to be permanently paralyzed.
Jennings-White suffers from "Body Integrity Identity Disorder" (BIID), a psychological condition where sufferers do not accept one of their own limbs and seek to amputate them or become paraplegic.
"When I’m in the wheelchair I’m not even thinking about the wheelchair. it's just normal for me, but anytime I’m walking it's always in my mind, sometimes dominating my mind, that this is not the way it's supposed to be,” Jennings-White told ABC4.com.
Jennings-White said she was 4 when she first consciously decided that nature made a mistake by giving her working legs. She was jealous of disabled kids and envious of an aunt who needed leg braces after a bike accident.
When she was 9, Jennings-White tried to paralyze herself by riding her bike off a stage, but just ended up with scrapes, and bruises.
But the real pain came from wondering why she was the way she was.
"I didn't know that there were other people like this until about a decade ago…nobody would make this up. That would be nuts," she told KUTV-TV.
When she skis, Jennings-White pushes herself to the limit, going down the most dangerous runs, with the thought that at any moment, she might have that permanently disabling injury she dreams of having.
"Doing any activity that brings a chance of me becoming paraplegic gives me a sense of relief from the anxiety caused by the BIID," she said, according to HuffPost UK.
Barring serious injury, Jennings-White's only hope of permanent loss of her lower limbs is if she gets surgery estimated at $25,000.
She said there is a doctor overseas who is willing to cut her sciatic and femoral nerves so that her legs no longer work, but she admits that's a pipe dream.
"I'll never be able to afford it, but I know I won't regret it if I ever can, and I don't know why it upsets people," she said, according to News.com.au. "It's the same as a transsexual man having his penis cut off. It's never coming back, but they know it's what they want."
Jennings-White does get some support from her wife, Danielle Saint-Marie, 44.
Early in their marriage, she let Jennings-White pretend to be paraplegic at home, even though it meant she was stuck with all the housework.
“Part of her wished I wasn’t in the wheelchair, but she knew it was the only thing that helped, so she played along,” Jennings-White told The Sun.
Dr. Mark Malan, who treats Jennings-White, said, in the future, people with BIID might be able to selectively remove the use of their limbs for short periods of time.
"One possibility could be to do some sort of nerve blocking so that that limb could not actually be used for a period of time, to let the patient test the reality of being physically disabled temporarily," he said, according to the Express.
"It would give BIID sufferers a chance to change their minds if they wanted to."
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.