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Family Moves To Woods, Complains About, Well, Living In The Woods

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UNHAPPY WOMAN AND MAN OUTSIDE
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Many suburbanites would be delighted to find birds, foxes and other visitors from the natural world frolicking in their backyards. These suburbanites seem not to be posting their thoughts to Washington's famously feisty D.C. Urban Moms and Dads online message board.

Once upon a time, DCUM participants debated a serious issue facing those living in and around the nation's capital: Would keeping backyard hens make a person seem poor?

Some said no, some said yes, some said those who said yes were monsters.

chicken looking at camera

Here's the newest issue vis-a-vis animals close to home that is on the mind of at least one Washington-area resident:

We moved a few months ago and I am horrified by the amount of wild animals in our backyard. We live in a large, planned HOA, and while we do have a strip of "woods" behind our house, there is another huge subdivision right behind our "woods" - its probably about 30' deep. We have deer, rabbits, raccoons, TONS of loud birds, foxes, all kinds of lizards, a snake, etc. just in 3 months! There is no obvious food/water source in our yard other than plantings.

I've heard maybe I should get rid of my hostas? I will do that if it will help. A very unafraid raccoon came right up onto our deck the other night and was not scared of our voices, clapping or our flashlight. The deer poop ALL over our yard and we have to scoop before the kids can play. I'm sick of it. We could put up a fence, but I'd rather not, and don't know it would keep the smaller ones out anyway.

Advice?

Well, this poster asked for advice, and got it:

Suck it up. You moved by a wooded area.

Cut down your trees, cement your yard, dig up all flora and build a tall fence. Or move.

Perhaps, you need to move back to the city.

Irish Spring soap attracts leprechans to your yard. Wild animals are afraid of tiny green men so they stay away. Problem solved, and on the plus side you might end up with a pot of gold buried under a tree somewhere.

DH pees behind our shed once a week to keep the critters from setting up shop in the space between the shed and e fence.

DH means Darling Husband, in message board parlance. And if you're feeling a little baffled at the idea that someone's husband, darling or otherwise, is urinating by a shed in order to make the yard a nicer place in which to spend time, know that this practice may be more common than you think, if not always to the delight of others:

My dad does this too, but I just thought it was because he drinks a lot and might be getting senile.

Our chief observation here is that, to those who suggest moving away from the woods and into D.C. proper, it might not help. We've got a whole lot of wildlife in the city, too, including foxes, bears, snakes falling from trees in playgrounds and the occasional red panda escapee from the National Zoo.

We wonder what the original poster would think if this crew -- an eagle, a fox and a cat -- were all hanging around together out back:

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