Your Hawaii Vacation Will Look NOTHING Like This

09/04/2013 03:07 am ET | Updated Sep 19, 2013

When it comes to imagining what life is like in Hawaii, we've all got a lot of ideas -- whales breaching beneath a perfectly symmetrical rainbow, bikini'd surfers emerging from the water in slow motion, getting lei'd all over the place. Turns out, that's not exactly right.

Below, 13 things NOT to expect from your Hawaiian getaway.

Free-floating hammocks.
hawaii hammock

Footprint-free sand.

New "friends."
hawaii couple

Random acts of hula.

Everything about this.
rainbow waianapanapa

Looking more or less decent next to a Hawaiian dancer.
tourist hawaiian dancing

Getting lei'd at the airport ... at your hotel ... while standing in a buffet line.
lei hotel

Double rainbows.

Your fellow surf students to look like this.
beginner surfing

Ukulele flirting.
hawaii guitar

A breeze that fully supports picture perfect hair and a "Titanic" moment.

Sexy beach selfies -- sans wind, sand everywhere, squinting.
hawaii tourist

Beach calligraphy.

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