COMEDY
10/07/2013 01:16 am ET

Scalia's Bizarro New York Interview, Presented By GIFs

AP

In a new far-reaching and very surprising interview, he said he hates the Internet, so Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia will never see this coarsening of public discourse.

All of the quotes below are real.

  • 1 On The Constitution: "Words have meaning. And their meaning doesn’t change."
  • 2 On Facebook: "I don't know why anyone would like to be 'friended' on the network."
  • 3 On Feminism: "You can’t go to a movie—or watch a television show for that matter—without hearing the constant use of the F-word—including, you know, ladies using it."
  • 4 On Gay Rights: "I’m not a hater of homosexuals at all."
  • 5 On His Gay Friends: "I have friends that I know, or very much suspect, are homosexual. Everybody does."
  • 6 On His Own Vocabulary: "Not at the ukase of a Supreme Court... U-K-A-S-E."
  • 7 On The Devil: "[Leans in, stage-whispers.] I even believe in the Devil."
  • 8 On The Devil, Again: "What happened to the Devil, you know? He used to be all over the place."
  • 9 Yep, Still More On The Devil: "You’re looking at me as though I’m weird. My God! Are you so out of touch with most of America, most of which believes in the Devil?"
  • 10 On His TV Habits: "I don’t watch 'Homeland.' I don’t even know what 'Homeland' is. I watched one episode of—what is it? 'Duck Dynasty'?"
  • 11 On His Favorite Comedian: "I loved Seinfeld. In fact, I got some CDs of Seinfeld. ­Seinfeld was hilarious. Oh, boy. The Nazi soup kitchen? No soup for you!"
  • 12 On His Media Diet: "I read newspapers that I think are good newspapers, or if they’re not good, at least they don’t make me angry, okay?"

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