'It Seemed Like Sex Was Some Kind Of Boulder Hanging Over Us'

Throughout the months of September and October, HuffPost Teen is highlighting the way teens think and feel about sex through anecdotes written for our series, "Teen Sex: It's Complicated." All of the authors are teenagers who have agreed to be published anonymously. If you want to share your thoughts, join the conversation here.

By Amy, 19

I grew up in a strict Christian community where sex was something you waited for until you were married. I heard all the stories about how girls' lives had been ruined and reputations trashed by giving in to sex before they were married. All through school, I was terrified of sex. Everyone made it out to be this dirty thing and told me there were two types of girls in the world who had sex: married women or so-called "sluts." It wasn't until I started college last fall that I was able to see sex as something different.

To me, sex is more than just procreation. It can mean many things. You can use it to show your affection for someone, release some tension or feel closer to someone. I have been dating this guy for five years and it seemed like sex was some kind of boulder hanging over us. We both wanted to do it, but all I could hear were voices from home in the back of my head telling me that it would destroy the rest of my life.

So, I started to really think about it. I decided that if you aren't committed to someone before marriage, a piece of paper isn't going to do it for you. I decided that, for me, it's the love and commitment that make sex worth it. Being married to him wasn't going to make sex any better. I was stressing so much about how sex would change my life that I hadn't even looked at how much my boyfriend had already changed my life (for the better). So, we both gave in and our relationship blossomed. We are more connected and neither of us feel the weight of that boulder anymore.

I know that a lot of people will think that I am just another teen with romantic views of life. I almost think that letting go of those negative ideas of sex allowed me to take a step towards becoming my own person. Before, I was so focused on what was expected that I didn't look at my own life path for my decisions.

Granted, having sex is by no means the best choice for everyone, but for me, it changed the way I look at a lot of things. Sex is not this taboo, dirty thing that society and religion love to talk about. For me, it was something to share with someone I care very deeply about and just the start of me paving my future.

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