Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Read the latest batch below and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Something's getting decked.
— Peyton Price (@Suburbanhaiku) December 11, 2013
Could be the kids or the halls.
I'm still deciding.
Can you count to 3 in a dramatic fashion? Can you make frequent idle threats? Congratulations you can be a parent.
— Minivan (@my_minivan_life) December 13, 2013
A good question for people considering parenthood might be, "Have you ever put pants on a person who is running away?"
— Raquel D'Apice (@theuglyvolvo) December 11, 2013
"North America is incontinent." — the 8yo, after social studies class
— Nichole Bernier (@NicholeBernier) December 11, 2013
Woke this morning being smothered by a warm, wriggly, doughy, bony creature who keeps laughing and farting.
— SnuggleMummy (@NinsMum) December 14, 2013
Today I found my son's sweater in the school lost and found and located both of the missing library books. Next up: I win the Powerball.
— Jennifer Mendelsohn ゚ヌᄎ゚ヌᄌ (@CleverTitleTK) December 11, 2013
To the teacher who taught my 3 yr-old all the lyrics to "Who Let the Dogs Out": That was very funny! Also, I am coming for you.
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) December 11, 2013
Me: What do you think Mommy wants for Christmas?
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 14, 2013
4yo: Everything
There is no sibling rivalry greater than that between a baby and his mother's computer.
— carly kimmel (@carlykimmel) December 9, 2013
School cancelled for tomorrow. *laughs maniacally, forcefully throws diet out window*
— Linda (@Sundry) December 9, 2013
What's a family friendly way to tell your kids you have no f*cks left to give?
— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) December 9, 2013
There's something awesome about hearing a 6 year-old in 2013 blurt out, "you don't say..."
— Liz Gumbinner ゚マᄈᄌマ゚フネ (@Mom101) December 8, 2013
4yo (holding toy we do NOT want in our house): "How old do you have to be for this toy?"
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) December 8, 2013
(Answering at the same time)
Wife: "6."
Me: "7."
I am my kids' genie except they get as many wishes as they want and instead of rubbing a lamp they whine until I lose my will to live.
— The Dad (@thedad) December 13, 2013
6yo: Who wants to join my Lego club?
— Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily) December 13, 2013
Me:...
6yo: Anyone?
Me:...
6yo: No one?
Me: Ok, I will.
6yo: Sorry. You're too old.
When Mom's about to get sick the "Get everything done immediately!" pull is strong. This is what The Force feels like.
— BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama) December 11, 2013
Now that I'm a mom, a "friend with benefits" means a friend with a kid who is old enough to babysit.
— Melissa Sher (@thismelissasher) December 11, 2013
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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