Worst Holiday Gifts EVER: Things You Hope Won't Show Up Under The Christmas Tree

Some sweaters are so ugly they are incredible. That is clearly not what we mean. We are talking about sweaters that are just regular-style ugly, like when your aunt thinks she knows what is really "trendy" these days and the department store was having a sale on cargo/pink mix clothing.

Nothing says "you are a girl but I know nothing about your personality" like a cucumber melon body soap and matching hand cream.

Unwanted responsibility? Check. Destroyed furniture? Check. Emotionally scarring pet funeral after finally coming around to loving the little furball? CHECK CHECK CHECK.

I mean, thanks for the effort?

You are not Elton John, and your gift is NOT your song.

I am aware there is no I in team, sisters are for sharing laughter and wiping tears, and that every day is a bright new beginning. No need to drink out of a mug that tells me so.

Curveball counterpoint: One can never have enough taco socks and sports sandals.

Or maybe this is THE perfect way to carry books between classes at law school.

Know what would be even cooler than a case for a smartphone? An actual smartphone.

1998 called, they want their CD case back.

Box from a different store? Scotch-taped? An obscure food item/hideous vase/fondue set? WE KNOW WHAT YOU DID THERE.

Unless it comes with a glitter pen, because those things are super fly.

Oh, you mean you DON'T want two tickets to this ridiculously expensive metal concert I've wanted to see? But you dropped so many hints!

The perfect ensemble for when you want to do gymnastics/go swimming/attend an aerobics class on Christmas Day, but really pointless the rest of the year.

From twelve years ago. Thanks for the thirty stuffed cats you bought for me off the internet!

True story: I have gotten coupons as gifts not once, not twice, but THREE times. Thanks for all your junk mail, I didn't have enough of my own!

This is just a sad reminder that YOU WILL NEVER BE FAMOUS. YOU FAIL.

Skip the drama. Just send cash. Happy holidays!