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This Year We Drove A Tank, Drank Cat Poo, And Dated A Porn Star

This Year We Drove A Tank, Drank Cat Poo, And Dated A Porn Star
Andy Campbell
By 

Senior Editor, HuffPost

"You'll never make it in the Weird News business until you twerk on camera, get knives thrown at you and hold the world's smallest woman in your arms."

We're paraphrasing something our fearless boss, Buck Wolf, probably said at some point or another this year. We're not sure. The point is, you can't be a Weird News editor without trying some things that, at other companies, would get you sent up to HR immediately. In 2013, our crack (cracked out?) team of journalists was out there in the field, posing for sexy calendars, sniffing zombie perfume and playing on the world's most expensive ping pong table.

Here are some of our most favorite, self-aggrandizing memories of ourselves this year. We hope you've enjoyed every weird moment:

We Ate A Slice At An Alleged Masturbating Chef's Pizzeria
It took a true team effort to track down Giusepp Scire, the owner of Jersey Joe's Pizzeria in San Diego, who was allegedly caught on security cam masturbating in his own pizzeria's kitchen in July.The photo circulated the Internet, and we decided we needed to confront the man in person -- so we could have a slice of his delicious pizza!
It was good, too
HuffPost Weird News Executive Editor Buck Wolf, pictured, said the white slice was "pretty good by non-New York standards." Reporter David Moye described the cheese as having a distinct "nutty flavor."'Good job, team.
We Drank Cat Poop Coffee
We all drink crappy coffee from time to time, but this might be the best crappy coffee out there."Cat poop coffee" is actually a nickname for civet coffee, a bean that goes through the intestinal tract of a mammal native to parts of Asia and Africa. Its intestinal juices react with the bean to give it an awesome acidity, and it's a delicacy all over the world. We tried (a Fair Trade, non-caged) civet coffee and made a video about it.Look, we could sit around and make poop jokes all day, but we've got to move on. Read the original story and watch the video for a heaping helping of poop jokes.
We Went On A Date With A Porn Star
Vegas. Road beers. KISS-themed mini golf. Porn convention booths. If these sound like the makings of a perfect first date experience, then you should probably date us, because it's exactly what we did with A-list porn star Joanna Angel while covering the Adult Entertainment Expo early this year. You must have a lot of questions. What color were the balls? How is Angel's stroke (HEY. MINI GOLF, REMEMBER)? Would she date us again? READ ALL ABOUT IT HERE!
We Scooted Our Butts Across Broadway For Journalism
Have you met Weird News Editor Hilary Hanson? When she's not writing about violent, naked pooping masturbators, she's doing real work: Attempting the Guinness World Record for fastest 20-meter butt scoot. She failed miserably, but you can watch her fail in the video above. Heck, try to beat her time in your home or office!
We Ate 101 Shrimp
Nobody should visit Red Lobster for its famed Endless Shrimp deal without reading this story. We give you all the tips you need to have a truly Endless experience, and remind you that you shouldn't, by any means, eat as much shrimp as one of our reporters did. It's absolutely disgusting. Seriously. Don't try this at home unless you want to sweat butter and shrimp for a week.
We Got Knives Thrown At Us
Our boss donned a turkey costume around Thanksgiving and had "The Great Throwdini" chuck knives around his person. He gobbled. 'Nuff said.
We Played On The World's Most Expensive Ping Pong Table
It's handcrafted in Germany, constructed of the finest materials. It sports a 30mm-thick exterior for unparalleled evenness. When turned on, it lights up. It can be yours for just $20,000.It's a ping pong table.
We Got Classy And Wore Zombie Perfume
Zombie for Him and Her are designed to help the living fly under the radar of their reanimated enemies when the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse happens. We tried the new perfume by Demeter and posed for a dead-sexy photo shoot, too. Check it out here.
We Posed For The Men Of HuffPost Calendar
Can you hear that sizzling sound? It's not the steam rising from our bodacious bods, it's the bacon we're cooking. But check out the Men of HuffPost calendar anyway -- there's still time to download it for free, and you can impatiently wait for October 2014, when you get to spend a month with Ethan Fedida, Andy Campbell and Simon McCormack in your bedroom or office. Perfect!
We Twerked With Big Freedia For The World Record
You understand what twerking is at this point. If not, take it from us. Big Freedia, the Queen of Twerk, ass-embled 358 booties to set the record for simultaneous twerk, and we were right there with her. Then, for the first time on HuffPost Live, we twerked on camera. How'd we do?
We Drove A Freakin' Tank Over A Freakin' Armored Vehicle
Old and busted: Disney World. New hotness: Drive-A-Tank, where you can get training in operating a tank in Minnesota and then crush whatever vehicle they have lying around. Our resident badass and Crime Reporter David Lohr did this with his son. It was awesome.

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