Christmas Day is finally here... better luck next year War on Christmas, if that even is your real name. And it wouldn't be complete without a rundown of some of our favorite comedians' jokes and bits about the most wonderful time of the year.

Take a look at our picks below and let us know your favorite Christmas jokes in the comments.

  • Jim Gaffigan
    "Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? It's like, "Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?"
  • Steven Wright
    "I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping."
  • Phyllis Diller
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    "What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
  • Louis C.K.
    "One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December."
  • Johnny Carson
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    “Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
  • Joan Rivers
    "The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband."
  • Jon Stewart
    "Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.' I suppose you could say 'Merry Christmas' and 'Happy New Year,' but you probably have sh*t to do." -- On Bill O'Reilly's objection to "Happy Holidays"
  • Jerry Seinfeld
    "That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me."
  • Wanda Sykes
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    "I love my family but my family -- they're the type of people that never let you forget anything you ever did... I was in the first grade Christmas play -- I'm playing Mary. Now, during the course of the play, I dropped the baby Jesus... They still talk about this. I go to my family reunion, and one of my cousins just had a baby. So I'm like, 'Oh, that's a cute little baby. Let me hold the baby...' And my aunt runs over, 'Don't you give her that baby! You know she dropped the baby Jesus!'"
  • Lewis Black
    "Every year, Christmas gets longer and longer, and you don't care, do you? Every year, you just take more of the calendar for yourself. How long does it take you people to shop? It's beyond belief! It's insane! When I was a kid, Halloween was Halloween, and Santa wasn't poking his ass into it!"
  • Marc Maron
    "I've had this look for about a year. I usually grow this beard out around Christmas. I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and I like to then walk around the mall and go, 'No! No! This wasn't what it was supposed to be about, people!' Then if there's a Santa at the mall, I walk up to him and say, 'Listen, fat man, you're just a clown at my birthday party.'"
  • Laura Kightlinger
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    "My grandmother, she passed away at Christmas time. So now, I have this built in sadness, you know, every holiday. 'Cause I'm plagued with the thought of, you know, what she would have given me. What didn't I get to open this year?"
  • Demetri Martin
    "I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it."
  • George Carlin
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    "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
  • Jay Leno
    "The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
  • P.J. O'Rourke
    "There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them."
  • Anthony Jeselnik
    "This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox."

Also on HuffPost:

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  • Give your nativity scene a 'Star Wars' upgrade.

  • Turn your ornaments into 'Wrecking Balls'

    Have a Miley Cyrus Christmas.

  • No snow? No problem.

    Just use tumbleweeds instead!

  • Decorate your car!

    This may not be exactly street legal, but...

  • Decorate your beard!

  • Decorate your head!

  • Seriously, decorate your head!

  • Or make a DIY Christmas sweater.

    Looks... itchy.

  • You can even turn an injury into a festive celebration.

    This guy FTW!

  • Get your baby on board.

    It's never too early to love Santa.

  • Or help your pets get into the holiday spirit.

    Even if they are terrifying.

  • Cats make excellent Christmas tree toppers*.

    *Not really. Please don't try this.

  • Even if you're lazy, you can still be creative.

  • See?

  • Just don't try to get *too* creative.

    This looks like an accident waiting to happen.

  • You can really make a Christmas tree out of anything.

  • And we mean ANYTHING.

  • When it comes to gifts, here's a sneaky way make sure you get the most.

    Bigger IS better.

  • You can even have fun with other people's presents before you give them away.


  • Or just give batteries and keep the good stuff for yourself.

    The possibilities are endless!

  • Remember: you're never too old to write a letter to Santa.

    He had us going until "Beer."

  • ...Nor are you ever too old for a photo with Santa.

  • You can even decide to make Santa uncomfortable.

    Very... very uncomfortable.

  • Or turn your kid's fear of him into a hilarious photo op.

    If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

  • Why not have some fun with your Christmas card?


  • Like, A LOT of fun.

    We'd SO hang out with this guy.

  • Make fun of yourselves.

  • Dress up like KISS!

  • And if you're feeling lonely this Christmas, why not own it?

    Forever alone.

  • And if you're expecting, you can let everyone know in the funniest way possible.

    It's a bump in a box!

  • The main thing is to have fun, and not take yourself so seriously.

    See, she's having fun...

  • After all, it's Christmas!