Crimes And Accusations Make People Say The Darndest Things
Crimes and accusations make people say the darndest things. | Getty Images/AP/AP
People tend to say the darndest things when they're in a tense situation. Brain-to-mouth filters be damned, they speak the first thing that pops into their head – good or bad.
To be fair, no one is immune to uttering an inane flub from time to time. However, most people don't have a camera or microphone bearing witness during a foot-in-mouth incident. This year, there were plenty of said witnesses.
HuffPost Crime has examined some of the more bizarre statements that were made in 2013 and put together a compendium of 10 of the most feculent quotes of the year. While some of the people on the list have been convinced of crimes, others have simply faced accusations or had legal run-ins.
'Yes, I Have Smoked Crack'
While he may be lacking in some respects, you can't fault Toronto Mayor Rob Ford for his...er...honesty.
"Yes, I have smoked crack cocaine. But do I? Am I an addict? No. Have I tried it? Probably in one of my drunken stupors, probably approximately about a year ago, Ford said while addressing the media after his admission of smoking crack cocaine.
And who could forget this one:
"I've never said that in my life to her. I'm happily married. I have more than enough to eat at home, thank you very much," Ford said in response to an allegation that he told a woman he "wanted to eat her pussy."
'Oral And Anal Were Also Sex To Me'
For a woman facing the possibility of the death penalty in the slaying of her ex-boyfriend, Travis Alexander, you would think Jodi Arias would have chosen her words carefully. However, testimony during her first-degree murder trial suggests she was more than ready for her new home in jail.
"I was really naive and I kind of believed him," Arias testified, referring to an ex-boyfriend who "entertained the belief in vampires" and wanted to move to San Francisco to look for vampires.
"He refused to kiss me because he said it was gross ... maybe because I had been performing oral sex," Arias said in court about a sexual liaison with Alexander.
"To me sex is sex, there are just different ways to have sex and it seemed like Travis was, kind of — I don't know how to put it, but it seemed like he had the Bill Clinton version, whereas over here it seemed like oral and anal were also sex to me," Arias testified.
'Those People Should Be Shot In The Balls'
The technology website ArsTechnica recently published IRC chats, which reveal NSA leaker Edward Snowden despised classified leaks in 2009, which appear to indicate he was not always supportive of transparency.
In the chats, Snowden expressed his anger over a New York Times article about U.S. actions in Iran that were based on confidential leaks.
"Who the f--k are the anonymous sources telling them this? Those people should be shot in the balls," Snowden said, according to the chat transcripts.
Snowden also criticized the reporting of classified information.
"That s--t is classified for a reason ... I am so angry right now. This is completely unbelievable," he said.
Snowden's alleged remarks are interesting, considering the 30-year-old computer geek and former employee of the Central Intelligence Agency has since been deemed responsible for one of the most significant leaks of classified information in U.S. history.
Now word yet on whether Snowden plans to offer up his own balls to a firing squad.
Most of us would consider a murder trial a pretty odd venue for stand-up comedy, that didn't stop George Zimmerman's defense attorney Don West (pictured left) from giving it a go.
During opening statements at Zimmerman's second-degree murder trial, West told the jury, "sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying." He then went on to say, "so let me, at considerable risk, let me, let me say, I'd like to tell you a little joke. I know how that may sound a bit weird in this context under these circumstances. But I think you're the perfect audience for it. As long as you, uh, don't, if you don't like it, or you don't think it's funny or inappropriate, that you don't hold it against Mr. Zimmerman. You can hold it against me if you want, but not Mr. Zimmerman. I have your assurance you won't. Here's how it goes..."
"George Zimmerman, who?"
"Alright good. You're on the jury."
West's joke did not seem to have the desired effect, as it was greeted with stony silence.
"Nothing?" asked West. "That's funny."
After the trial was over and Zimmerman was found not guilty, West defended his joke.
"I still think the joke was funny. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry I didn't tell it better," he said, according to Metro News.
'[He] Slapped My Vagina'
It's been a difficult year for Amanda Bynes, an actress perhaps best known for starring in the Nickelodeon television series "The Amanda Show."
On May 23, 2013, Bynes was arrested at her home in New York for criminal possession of marijuana, after she allegedly threw a bong from the window of her 36th floor apartment. Bynes later addressed the incident on Twitter, accusing the arresting officer sexually harassing her.
"[He] slapped my vagina. Sexual harassment. Big deal," she tweeted.
The police department has denied the accusation.
Bynes made other bizarre tweets in 2013, including:
"I have no clue [why people say I'm insane]. Every time I've heard it, it came from an ugly person's mouth, so I don't care."
"I want Drake to murder my vagina."
On a positive note, Bynes has managed to stay out of trouble recently and has enrolled at the Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising in Los Angeles.
Prison Ain't 'Club Med'
James "Whitey" Bulger (pictured right), a notorious mob boss who spent 16 years at large, went to trial in 2013. Some of Bulger's old partners in crime were called to the stand during his trial. One of the more memorable was Stephen "The Rifleman" Flemmi (pictured left), the prosecution's star witness.
During his time on the witness stand Flemmi, who is serving life in prison for murder, took the time to explain that life in prison should not be confused with "Club Med".
"I would have liked the conditions to be more humane. I mean, I'm a human being ... If I fed some of that food to my dog, he'd bite me. The hot dogs were burnt. The hamburgers were burnt," Flemmi said.
Later, there was a tense exchange of words in the courtroom between Bulger and his ex-right hand man Kevin Weeks that was akin to young kids arguing before a schoolyard brawl.
Bulger: "You suck."
Weeks: "F— you, OK!"
Bulger: "F— you, too."
Weeks: "What do you want to do?"
There was, of course, nothing either man could do.
'I'm Not A Monster'
It could be said that comments made by Ariel Castro during his sentencing hearing in the kidnapping of three Ohio women are as memorable as they are delusional.
"These people are trying to paint me as a monster. I'm not a monster," said Castro, who pleaded guilty to 937 charges, including kidnapping and rape.
And then there was this doozy:
"I lived a normal life, and I still practiced the art of touching myself when viewing pornography."
'I Know What Covers Up Crimes'
Former Kansas sheriff's deputy Brett Seacat went to trial in 2013 for the April 2011 shooting death of his wife.
"I teach about crimes," he said in court. "I know what covers up crimes and what doesn't."
SeaCat's teaching skills may be in question now that he has been found guilty and sentenced to life in prison.
'We Were Trying To Have Sex'
There was an awkward moment in Sept. 2013 for "Teen Mom 2" star Jenelle Evans and her boyfriend Nathan Griffith.
According to published reports, the two lovebirds were pulled over in North Myrtle Beach, N.C., after a cop allegedly spotted Griffith swerving on the road.
When the police officer asked the couple what was going on, Evan's replied:
"Honestly, we were trying to have sex."
"That's why you guys were all over the road?" the policeman asked, to which Evans responded, "Yeah."
Griffith was charged with DUI, speeding, driving on the wrong side of the road, resisting arrest and driving with a suspended license. Evans, who was recently jailed over a failed drug test, later paid her boyfriends $5,000 bond so he could get out of jail.
'I Deserve A Medal'
WEST YORKSHIRE POLICE
The United Kingdom had a crime fighting superhero named Stan Worby who, in April 2013, hand delivered a wanted man to police while dressed as Batman.
"I got some strange looks when I got to the cop station ... One policeman looked at me and just laughed. I said to the policeman, 'I deserve a medal, I'm a caped crusader,'" Worby said, according to The Telegraph.
But superheroes, as it turns out, are not immune to the temptation of evil.
Worby has since found himself on the other side of the law, with police accusing him of burglarizing a garage. But that's not all. Police say he carried out the crime with the very man he had turned over to police.