And in the twelfth month, she rose again. Wedged between the Judeo-Christian holidays, Beyoncé bestowed upon us a gift of near-messianic magnitude: 17 videos. 14 tracks. Hark, the herald angel has sung, danced, rapped, "surfed" ... what doesn't she do?
After a long and protracted holiday season, we've got some festivity-fatigue. Who better than Yoncé to give us a New Year's nudge? Sure, her new album and accompanying visuals are largely a celebration of conjugal bliss of the matrimonial variety. But Queen Bey reminds us that it is precisely her relentless independence that allows for the most rewarding kind of companionship. As such, we took some cues from the original single lady -- some, admittedly, out of context and manipulated for those of us sans-boo -- for ringing in 2014 with class and the proper amount of sass.
The holidays are over! You haven't worn proper pants in a week, nor said no to a cookie.
But it's Tuesday morning, you just got off a flight from your hometown, and you're going to rally.
You call your BFF, who is disappointingly ambivalent.
Her silly excuse for not making plans?
You know better, and you get a gang together.
No time to unpack or reorganize. Just get everything out of the way.
You're Vitamin D-deficient, so it's time for some clumsily applied self tanner.
Because it's New Year's Eve, you're just gonna go for it.
After removing all traces of suburban holiday residue, you're finally out of the door. Careful, it's icy.
And, of course, there's a puddle. You got this.
You walk by your least favorite bar -- especially unpleasant on a night like this.
You bang on your friend's door. "Maybe she didn't hear us?"
You all commit to better oral hygiene in 2014.
It's 10:00, but there's still plenty of champagne left.
You're walking into this bar.
When you hear the cover charge.
But all the girls in line are like:
"Five minutes. I'll wait five minutes max."
"We're. In. Where's the coat check?"
You abandon your friend for the bathroom.
Great, there's a bathroom attendant and you have no cash. She looks at you like:
A man offers to buy you a drink. Not so fast, buddy. You're not having it.
"There's really not enough room in here for me to dance."
Trying to hook you up, your friend whispers: "What about that one?"
The clock strikes midnight.
And you are perfectly satisfied to bounce and go home.
Someone tries to upstream your cab from you.
When the taxi driver asks if you can pay with cash:
So you can dream that you are this lucky little girl.
And wake up to a very, very happy new year!
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.