This was the week of New Year's Eve celebrations and welcoming 2014. Abbi Crutchfield had a rather unconventional, but still entertaining New Year's Eve: "New Year's tradition: watch #RockinEve and guess which people in Times Square are wearing adult diapers." Now that takes some serious commitment.
Felicity Cloake made us all laugh when she wrote, "Just read that 'cauliflower is the new kale'. Looks like 2014's going to be a wild one." For everyone's sake, we hope Cloake is wrong and pie is actually the new kale.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
I'm ready for everyone to move on from cupcakes.
— Rivka Rossi (@sofifii) December 31, 2013
just read that "cauliflower is the new kale". Looks like 2014's going to be a wild one.
— Felicity Cloake (@FelicityCloake) January 2, 2014
New Year, New You!!!! (burns your birth certificate) New Year, New You!!! (cuts off your fingertips) New Year, New You!!!! (rips out soul)
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) January 2, 2014
I secretly believe the reason everyone is unhappy on Mad Men is that midcentury modern furniture looks SO uncomfortable.
— Linda Holmes (@nprmonkeysee) January 2, 2014
It’s completely unfair that overthinking everything you do doesn’t give you a six-pack.
— Anna Breslaw (@annabreslaw) December 30, 2013
I'm against animal testing, unless of course you're testing little top hats and miniature sunglasses.
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) January 1, 2014
Got some hot action today (squirted Sriracha in my eye help me it burns).
— molly (@Molly_Kats) December 30, 2013
My mom once asked if Jack Frost was based on a true story. Jack Frost is a movie where a father dies and returns as a snowman.
— ashley barnhill (@ashley_barnhill) December 29, 2013
New Year's tradition: watch #RockinEve and guess which people in Times Square are wearing adult diapers.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) January 1, 2014
Ugh this holiday is so last year
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) December 31, 2013
"How about SOBER in love!!" -a cool mom
— Tavi Gevinson (@tavitulle) December 30, 2013
Ah, WebMD, you never disappoint. Signed, Woman With Itchy Foot That's Possibly A Symptom of Kidney Failure or Scabies.
— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) January 3, 2014
Accidentally just dropped a birth control pill into my work computer's keyboard but hopefully that'll stop the crumbs from multiplying.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) January 3, 2014
Doctors offered tips to ward off frostbite during this cold snap. Like stop falling asleep with your hand in a pint of ice cream, Michelle
— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) January 3, 2014
In first grade when I'd tell my parents what I learned in class and they'd act amazed, I'd think "Shouldn't you know this shit already?"
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) January 2, 2014
I was going to make a resolution to not judge people. But I don't need to make resolutions because I'm perfect. That's also why I can judge.
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) January 3, 2014
i guess i'd be flattered if someone peed his pants while making out with me
— Jessica Roy (@JessicaKRoy) January 2, 2014
Keep finding beautiful and reasonably priced furniture on Etsy then realizing it's for a dollhouse
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) December 30, 2013
Ugh. New Year's Eve is just around the corner and I STILL haven't picked out which gang sign I'm going to hold up in photos
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) December 29, 2013
I never feel more connected to my fellow man than when we all band together to not let a car merge into our lane before they're supposed to.
— Tricia (@Im_Tricia) December 15, 2013
"Maybe you're just dehydrated" - the only thing I say to my friends when they're upset.
— sallybrooks (@sbrooks13) December 31, 2013
January 2nd is when the people who signed up for gym memberships on New Years Day realize they were still drunk when they did that.
— caprice crane (@capricecrane) January 2, 2014
Good morning 2014! I’ve already accomplished several failures this year!
— Sara Schaefer (@saraschaefer1) January 1, 2014