This 1940s 'Slenderizing' Equipment Promised To 'Remove' One's Hips And Thighs

From Prancercise to the Revolving Hammock, we thought we had seen every weird workout under the sun -- until now.

LIFE photographer Alfred Eisenstaedt captured a rather unamused LIFE Magazine model, Pat Ogden, testing out the trendiest New York fitness fad of the 1940s: the Slenderizing Salon. Using metal rollers to massage women's "problem areas," the Slenderizing Salon claimed to help women lose weight without exercise by stimulating muscle contractions.

Above, Pat endures the rigorous "Slendo Massager" which magically blasts fat with rollers that run "up and down to electrically rub away stomach, hips and thighs," according to the magazine's caption. Imagine, your entire "hips and thighs," poof, gone!

Pat and her workout buddy, Ann Miller, are visibly bored at the hands of the "Back Ring Roller" and "Slendo Massager." The "Back Ring Roller," designed to "work on fatty parts of the back from the waist up," looks pretty easy to us. If only every trip to the gym were this leisurely. Also, we must start a movement to bring Ann's workout gear back in to style.

Here, Pat uses the “Wooden Barrel Massager" which reduces your hips and buttocks in the same way a roller flattens dough, we're assuming.

This frightening contraption is the "Roaler Massager," which looks like the world's most dangerous sex toy to us.

After a long and rigorous workout, Pat sits back and knits while "leg rollers work from thigh to ankle." It's aways tough to get a good burn on all that ankle fat.

While knitting at the gym does sound sort of appealing, these machines look like something out of "Edward Scissorhands." We'll pass.

[h/t Messy Nessy Chic]