There are many great mysteries in this world -- what happened to Amelia Earheart's plane? what lies inside the gates at Area 51? -- but none more significant than the one we will solve for you today. How do you put a uterus back inside a cow?
Here is your detailed, step-by-step guide to helping your bovine friend, as surmised from the National Geographic video above. Just don't try this at home.
First, gently guide the frightened cow back to a place where it can be restrained. Do this with care, but extra points if the still-attached placenta falls off naturally in the process.
Next, prep the cow for the procedure. Administering a spinal tap should do the trick.
Then cross any available fingers not already holding onto external internal organs. You're going to need them.
Finally, put the uterus back inside the cow. Although the mechanics of the procedure are theoretically simple, Dr. Brenda Grettenberger says in the video, picking the uterus up and "smushing" it back in actually takes real skill.