These Wine Stoppers Are So Ridiculous They Drive Us To Drink (PHOTOS)

01/21/2014 08:04 am ET | Updated Jan 25, 2014
High Fashion Home

When it comes to drinking wine, we're all for getting the proper accessories. We're happy to buy the right wine glasses (which are not these). And we don't mind splurging on a fancy decanter. Any excuse we can get to open another bottle of wine, we'll take. Except when it comes to these wine bottle stoppers -- we don't want anything to do with them. These wine bottle stoppers drive us to a drink, and not in a good way.

The 11 wine stoppers below are scraping the bottom of the barrel in acceptability. We won't turn down a glass if offered to us from a bottle topped with one of these, but we might not respect the person serving it to us. And, well, we're definitely going to think some things about it (not nice things either). You might want to think twice if you own one of these wine stoppers. They're bold, and we're not sure you're going to like what they have to say.

  • 1 The Mustache Wine Bottle Stopper Says:
    Amazon
  • I'm not a hipster. I just really like mustaches, OKAY????

    Mustache Wine Bottle Stopper, $12.99
  • 2 The Black Studded Stiletto Shoe Wine Stopper Says:
  • Laaaaadies, aren't we so fancy sippin' on our PEE-noh noooauir.

    Black Studded Stiletto Shoe Wine Stopper, $24.99
  • 3 The Plunge Bottle Stopper Says:
    Amazon
  • Finish this bottle and you'll be intimately acquainted with a toilet bowl by the end of the night. That is a guarantee.

    Plunge Bottle Stopper, $12.10
  • 4 The Original Rednek Wine Bottle Stopper Says:
  • Yeah, I may be a male drinking Syrah out of a crystal glass with my pinky raised, but I'm a man dammit. And I'm really into hammers.

    Original Rednek Wine Bottle Stopper, $13.49
  • 5 The Bottoms Up Wine Stopper Says:
    Home Wet Bar
  • Oooooh, you soooo naughty.

    Bottoms Up Wine Stopper, $13.95
  • 6 The Happy Man Bottle Stopper Says:
    Amazon
  • You're not old enough to drink this glass of wine.

    Happy Man Bottle Stopper, $8.12
  • 7 The Triple Pillar Votive Wine Bottle Stopper Says:
    Amazon
  • I WILL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!!!! But seriously, this product is terribly mislabeled. Do not, we repeat, do not use this as a wine stopper.

    Triple Pillar Votive Wine Bottle Stopper Candelabra, $16.44
  • 8 The Coq Au Vin Wine Bottle Stopper Says:
    High Fashion Home
  • Congratulations, you have the maturity level of a seventh grader.

    Coq Au Vin Wine Bottle Stopper, $9.00
  • 9 The Champagne Bottle Stopper Says:
    Etsy: TheVineyards
  • You fool! You're too drunk to know the difference between Barefoot Merlot and Champagne. AHA AHAHAHA

    Champagne Bottle Stopper, $18.00
  • 10 The Male Archer Trophy Wine Bottle Stopper Says:
    Etsy: alovelyletter
  • 11 The Crystal Ball Design Wine Stopper Says:
    Amazon
  • I'm looking into your future and you my friend are going to be a drunk.

    Crystal Ball Design Wine Stopper, $4.83

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