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Vincent Wade Crashes His Car, Gets Naked And Plays With Himself On The Street (VIDEO)

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If he had crashed into a Subway, we'd be making footlong jokes.
If he had crashed into a Subway, we'd be making footlong jokes.

Apparently Philadelphia is now the City of Brotherly Self-Love.

On Monday morning, Vincent J. Wade, a 34-year-old Jersey man, allegedly got wasted and crashed his car into a Pennsylvania Crown Fried Chicken, Philly Mag first reported. Then things got a little out of hand -- or in-hand, if you think about it.

NSFW video taken at the scene shows a completely naked Wade, who appeared to be choking his own chicken right next to the wreckage.

According to the police report:

"After the accident, the male operator exited the vehicle and began removing his clothing and yelling. He then attempted to drive off; however, someone was able to remove the keys and hold them until police arrived."

Despite being naked and only 400 feet from an elementary school, Philly Mag reports that Wade was charged with driving under the influence, not indecent exposure or public lewdness. Wade was released from jail after posting a $500 bond, according to Philly.com

The man who shot the video told Philly Mag that Wade appeared to be pleasuring himself.

“Oh, he was most definitely making himself feel happy," the onlooker said.

Thankfully, no one was hurt in the crash, and the chicken-cock-pie enthusiast did only minimal damage to the restaurant.

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Video: Man Crashes Car Into Fried Chicken Restaurant, Strips ...

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Man crashes, gets naked and onanistic