BUSINESS
01/31/2014 11:59 am ET

Rich CEO Wonders Why 'The Daily Show' Hates The, How You Say, 'Retarded'

ASSOCIATED PRESS

Professional horrible person Peter Schiff is SO DISAPPOINTED with The Daily Show, you guys.

The so-called "comedy program" tricked its audience, using words that Schiff innocently expelled from his face hole, into believing that Schiff thinks the "mentally retarded" deserve to earn $2 an hour, according to a blog post by Schiff on Thursday. That is not at all what Schiff meant! What Schiff really meant, he explained, is that... um... the "intellectually disabled," or whatever it's OK to call such people these days without the whole world jumping down your throat about it, should make $2 an hour.

Do you see the difference? Yeah, me neither.

Schiff, former Ron Paul adviser, failed senatorial candidate and CEO of the money management firm Euro Pacific Capital, appeared on The Daily Show earlier this week to explain how the minimum wage is a communist evil that will have us all eating out of dumpsters any day now. When Schiff is not constantly, wrongly warning that the U.S. dollar is about to collapse, he is pulling ridiculous stunts to illustrate his hatred for the minimum wage, like harassing shoppers in a Walmart parking lot. His Daily Show appearance was just the latest such stunt.

Beyond the typical, incorrect CEO arguments about how raising the minimum wage will cause soaring inflation and mass layoffs because supply-demand-herpaderp, Schiff added a new wrinkle in his Daily Show chat: Some people are just worth more money than others. "You're worth what you're worth," he told correspondent Samantha Bee. And among the "less-worthy" humans Schiff included the, how do you say, "mentally retarded."

This naturally brought about a Schiffstorm (GET IT????) of criticism and mockery. But Peter Schiff explained himself on Thursday, using more words:

Of the more than four hours of taped discussion I conducted, the producers chose to only use about 75 seconds of my comments. Of those, my use of the words "mentally retarded" (when Samantha Bee asked me who might be willing to work for $2 per hour -- a figure she suggested) has come to define the entire interview.

Man, use an offensive slur one time, and you're just immediately painted forever as somebody who uses offensive slurs to describe other human beings. Tell us more, Peter Schiff:

Although I had no intention of offending anyone, I just couldn’t remember the politically correct term currently in use (it is "intellectually disabled"). Assuming she knew it, Bee could have prompted me with the correct term, but she chose not to.

Just as you suspected: This is all Samantha Bee's fault. WHY DOES SAMANTHA BEE HATE THE DISABLED???

In fact, the entire Daily Show hates the disabled and wants them to never work again, Schiff further explained:

In fact, it's "The Daily Show" that wants to tell the intellectually disabled they are worthless, as they want to make it illegal for them to have jobs

You see, if America's Job Creators could not pay disabled people insultingly low wages, then they simply would never hire them again, according to Schiff:

I further explained that since such individuals typically live with their parents or other caretakers, they are not working to support themselves or anyone else. They are working for the self-esteem associated with having a job -- the pride of working and making a contribution. Many of the jobs they perform may seem mundane to those of normal intelligence, but they are often the most enjoyable and rewarding aspects of the lives of people with intellectual disabilities. I pointed out that if the federal minimum wages were to apply to them, a great many of those opportunities would vanish. Others may disagree, but I believe a job for such a person at $2 per hour is better than no job at all.

And sadly, believe it or freaking not, Schiff's "logic" is actually the law of the land. Since 1938, it has been possible for employers to ask the Labor Department to give them a pass on paying minimum wages to the disabled.

But here's the thing about jobs: A job is worth what a job is worth, regardless of the person who does it. If you think it's worth $X an hour, then anybody capable of doing such a job -- and plenty of so-called "disabled" people are perfectly capable of handling typically minimum-wage tasks, and a whole lot more -- should get that wage, regardless of their disability.

Because of that terrible 1938 law, and the Peter Schiffs of the world, a lot of people who should be getting paid the minimum wage or more are actually being abused and exploited. For freedom.

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