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Proof 'Flappy Bird' Will Be The End Of Humanity

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flappy bird

History will mark 2014 as the year mankind met its downfall: "Flappy Bird."

These reviews, taken from the hallowed archives of the the App Store and Google Play, will be the only known records written by survivors of the addictive mobile game that rose to popularity in early February.

Let these reviews be etched in stone so that we may remember how our brothers and sisters fell to the terrible power of "Flappy Bird."

When "Flappy" found us, we were weak. "Candy Crush" had softened us, and it only took one game to get us hooked.
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So we tried to warn the others, the innocents who were pure of the game's corruption. But they didn't listen. They didn't listen.
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"Flappy" ruined our lives and took away everything we love.
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It forced us to resort to petty name-calling -- we returned to a more childlike state to cope with the mental stress we were under -- and we mocked "Flappy" in any way we could.
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Some of us remembered our high school English classes, and we really tried to find that deeper meaning.
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"Flappy" appeared, like a stranger in the night, to harken us toward our doomed fate.
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Some of us used beautiful imagery of our broken device screens to truly capture the destruction the game has brought to our lives.
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Curse you, Dong Nguyen, you evil mastermind! Why can't you use your powers for good?!
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Wait. Maybe "Flappy" is an unsung hero fleeing from his homeland and not just some malformed bird who can't fly.
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What does it all mean? Who is this bird, really? Who am I to ask that? But really. Who am I?
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May their high scores never be beaten.

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